You Can Win Part 23

A healthy personality has the need not only to get but also to give.

Learn to Give and Receive Compliments

Don't miss out on any opportunity to give sincere compliments. Remember, the key word is sincerity. When others give you a compliment, accept it graciously and gracefully with two words, "Thank you." That is a sign of humility.

Accept Responsibility

We need to accept responsibility for our behavior and our actions and insulate ourselves from excuses. Don't be like the student who failed just because he didn't like the teacher or the subject. Who is he hurting the most? We have to accept responsibility and stop blaming others, then, and only then, will productivity and quality of life improve.

Our privileges can be no greater than our obligations. The protection of our rights can endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities.

-John F. Kennedy

Excuses make the problem worse than the problem itself. We owe responsibility

to self to family to work to society environment

We can add to the greenery by planting trees, stopping soil erosion, preserving natural beauty.

92*We cannot live as if we have another earth we can move to. On a daily basis, we need to do something that makes this world a better place to live. We are custodians for the future generations. If we do not behave responsibly, how can future generations forgive us?

If the average life expectancy of a person is 75 years and if you are 40 years old, you have 365 days x 35 years, to live. Ask yourself this question: What are you going to do with this time? When we accept or add responsibility, we make ourselves more valuable.

Don't we?

Self-discipline does not kill joy but builds it. You see people with talent and ability, and yet they are unsuccessful. They are frustrated and the same behavior pattern affects their business, their health, and their relations.h.i.+ps with others. They are dissatisfied and blame it on luck without realizing that many problems are caused by lack of discipline.

Set Goals

Well-defined goals give a person a sense of direction, a feeling of accomplishment when he reaches his goals. More important than goals is a sense of purpose and vision. It gives meaning and fulfillment to life.

What we get upon achieving our goals is a lot less important than what we become. It is the becoming which gives us a good feeling. That is what self-esteem is all about.

In goal-setting, we need to be realistic. Unrealistic goals remain unaccomplished, leading to poor self-esteem, whereas realistic goals are encouraging and build high self-esteem.

a.s.sociate with People of High Moral Character

a.s.sociate yourself with people of good quality if you esteem your reputation for it is better to be alone than to be in bad company.

George Was.h.i.+ngton

Test of Friends.h.i.+p

Negative influences come in the form of peer pressure. People say, "Aren't you my friend?" Remember, true friends never want to see their friends hurt.

If I ever saw that a friend had had one drink too many, I would put my foot down and not let him drive. I would rather lose the friends.h.i.+p than lose a friend.

It is common to see people doing wrong things to get accepted, saying, "it is cool," not realizing they will be left cold.

What starts as peer pressure may be in reality a test of friends.h.i.+p. Where will they be when you are in trouble? How far will they go to help you? And the biggest question is: If they don't have the character today, how will they have the character tomorrow to help you? a.s.sociating with people of high moral character helps build self esteem.

Peer Pressure

When the desire to belong to the herd becomes stronger than the desire to stand up for what is right, it is evident that what is lacking is courage and character. It is less controversial. Going along to get along is a safer way, keeps one's peers happy and one 93*does not risk being laughed at. That is where people with high self-esteem draw the line.

That is what separates the men from the boys.

Examples:

School kids conform because they do not want to be laughed at.

They don't give the answers because others will make fun of them.

Factory workers keep performance low to keep peers happy.

Moderation

Many people say, "In moderation, it is OK. I try a little and quit." The question is, "In moderation, is it really okay?"

to cheat?

to steal?

to take drugs?

to lie?

to have illicit affairs?

Some people frequently rationalize, "I can quit whenever I want." They don't realize that negative influences are more powerful than will-power.

Become Internally Driven, Not Externally Driven

One day, if someone gets up on the right side of the bed and calls me and says, "You are the greatest person on earth. You are doing a great job and I want you to know I am honored to call you a friend," I know he is sincere. How does it make me feel? Great. But the next day, he gets up on the wrong side of the bed, picks up the phone and says, "You rascal, you cheat, you crook! You are the biggest fraud in town." How does it make me feel? Terrible.

So the first day when he says "you are the greatest guy," I feel great and the next day when he says "you rascal," I feel terrible. Who is controlling my life? Obviously, he is. Is that the way I want to go through life? Not at all. That is being externally driven.

I want to be internally driven. When he calls me and says I am the greatest guy, it is good to hear those words. But even if he doesn't say those words, in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. And the next day when he rips me apart, he can't really, because in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. When people make statements like, "You make me angry," the focus of control is external. But if I say I am angry or I choose to be angry, the focus of control is internal.

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

--Eleanor Roosevelt

There is a story about an ancient Indian sage who was called ugly names by a pa.s.serby.

The sage listened unperturbed till the man ran out of words. He asked the man, "If an offering is not accepted, who does it belong to?" The man replied, "It belongs to the person who offered it." The sage said, "I refuse to accept your offering," and walked away, leaving the man dazed. The sage was internally driven.

94*So long as we blame outside sources, our miseries will continue and we will feel helpless. Unless we accept responsibility for our feelings and behavior, we cannot change. The first step is to ask: