Toaster's Handbook - LightNovelsOnl.com
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"And what did you do, Johnny?"
"I didn't do nothin'--I was the boy!"--_Cleveland Plain Dealer_.
A negro came running down the lane as though the Old Boy were after him.
"What are you running for, Mose?" called the colonel from the barn.
"I ain't a-runnin' fo'," shouted back Mose. "I'se a-runnin' from!"
COWS
Little Willie, being a city boy, had never seen a cow. While on a visit to his grandmother he walked out across the fields with his cousin John.
A cow was grazing there, and Willie's curiosity was greatly excited.
"Oh, Cousin John, what is that?" he asked.
"Why, that is only a cow," John replied.
"And what are those things on her head?"
"Horns," answered John.
Before they had gone far the cow mooed long and loud.
Willie was astounded. Looking back, he demanded, in a very fever of interest:
"Which horn did she blow?"
There was an old man who said, "How Shall I flee from this horrible cow?
I will sit on this stile And continue to smile, Which may soften the heart of that cow."
CRITICISM
FIRST MUSIC CRITIC--"I wasted a whole evening by going to that new pianist's concert last night!"
SECOND MUSIC CRITIC--"Why?"
FIRST MUSIC CRITIC--"His playing was above criticism!"
As soon Seek roses in December--ice in June, Hope, constancy in wind, or corn in chaff; Believe a woman or an epitaph, Or any other thing that's false, before You trust in critics.
--_Byron_.
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.--_Disraeli_.
_See also_ Dramatic criticism.
CRUELTY
"Why do you beat your little son? It was the cat that upset the vase of flowers."
"I can't beat the cat. I belong to the S.P.C.A."
CUc.u.mBERS
Consider the ways of the little green cuc.u.mber, which never does its best fighting till it's down.--Stanford Chaparral.
CULTURE
_See_ Kultur.
CURFEW
A former resident of Marshall, Mo., was asking about the old town.
"I understand they have a curfew law out there now," he said.
"No," his informant answered, "they did have one, but they abandoned it."
"What was the matter?"
