Pegasus Descending Part 13

10.

T HE FACT THAT NO Jewish, Hispanic, Asian, Mideastern, or black person had ever been admitted to Tony Lujan's fraternity did not seem significant to him. Clubs were meant to be private in nature. Like families. There was no law that said you had to let people of different religions and races marry into your family, was there? He had heard about a Jewish pledge who had been blackballed-a kid who later dropped out of college and got blinded in Iraq, but that was before Tony had joined the fraternity. Whenever he heard mention of the Jewish kid getting sandbagged by his fraternity brothers, he walked away from the conversation. Tony didn't like problems, particularly when they were caused by wrongheaded people. If the kid was Jewish, why didn't he just go to Tulane? It wasn't Tony's freight to carry.

Tomorrow morning, Tuesday, he and his attorney were scheduled to meet with the Iberia Parish district attorney. The D.A. had already presented the available choices for Tony in the most draconian terms. He would either accept a grant of immunity for his cooperation in the investigation of his father or be considered a suspect himself. Either way, he or his father was going to prison. Or maybe both of them would. "You've got the key to the jailhouse door," the district attorney had said. "We'll try to protect you up at Angola, but you wouldn't be the first white college boy to get spread-eagled on the bars. Let me know what you decide."

The image made Tony's skin crawl, his b.u.t.tocks constrict.

All this because of a wino on a road. All this because Monarch Little, in order to save his own black a.s.s, had told the cops where his old man had gotten the Buick repaired. What had he ever done to Monarch Little? He hadn't even known Monarch Little existed until the run-in at McDonald's.

Tony could not get tomorrow's meeting with the D.A. out of his mind. There had to be a way out. He had told his lawyer he had no knowledge about the wino's death, but it was obvious the lawyer didn't believe him.

"Your father or you ran over the guy, Tony," the lawyer had said. "Unless you lent the car to somebody. You think that might have happened?"

"It could have," Tony replied, watching the lawyer's face.

"Forget I mentioned that," the lawyer said.

Would his courage fail him? Could he take the weight and actually risk time on Angola Farm, where he would hoe soybeans under mounted guards who carried quirts and shotguns? Was he actually as small and frightened and weak as he felt? The D.A. obviously thought so. For the first time in his life, he understood why people killed themselves.

When he did not think his morning could get any worse, the professor in his political science cla.s.s started in on inst.i.tutionalized cla.s.s and ethnic prejudice, asking Tony, in front of a hundred other students, if he believed campus fraternities and sororities had the right to discriminate in their admission policies.

"Isn't 'discrimination' just another word for judgment?" Tony said. "People discriminate in the kind of food they eat or what part of town they live in. That's how standards are established. People have a right to choose, don't they, sir?"

"Let's put it another way. Is the issue one of inclusion or exclusion?" the professor asked from behind his lectern, which was mounted on a stage, high above the cla.s.s. "Doesn't a fraternity pride itself on who it keeps out rather than who it lets in? What's the value of money if it doesn't buy privilege? 'Melting pot' sounds good on paper, but the mix may not always be good for everyone. Is that the case, Tony?"

Tony couldn't keep track of the professor's logic, but he knew it was a trap of some kind, an effort to make him look like a pampered rich kid who didn't care about the rights of others. He could feel words forming in his mouth that he knew he shouldn't speak.

"I don't think fraternities and sororities are the problem. I think the problem is people who-"

"Who what?" the professor said. His face was effeminate and narrow and stippled with gin roses, his teeth small and sharp inside a neatly trimmed gray-and-brown beard that reminded Tony of mouse fur.

"People who are professional victims," Tony said. Then he thought of a joke he had heard at the fraternity, one whose implication he didn't actually share. But the professor had tried to tar him. All right, let's see how far the professor wanted to run with it. "Like the NAACP-the National a.s.sociation of Always Complaining People. I mean, should people feel guilty because they work hard and make a lot of money?"

The lecture hall became absolutely quiet. The black students in the room put their pens down and either looked into s.p.a.ce or twisted in their seats to get a better view of Tony Lujan.

"You raise an interesting point," the professor said. "Maybe the vote of one group in our society should count more than another group. But which group fights the wars? Rich people or poor people? It seems that blue-collar young men and women go to war in greater numbers than rich ones. So using your own logic, shouldn't their vote count for more than yours or mine?"

Tony's head was pounding, his forehead breaking with sweat. This was about something else. The professor had been Tony's freshman adviser and had relatives in New Iberia. Did the professor know about Yvonne Darbonne? Was this about Yvonne? Was he calling Tony an elitist hypocrite? Tony felt the room spinning around him. "I didn't mean to offend anyone, sir. I apologize for my remark."

Then he realized his apology was actually sincere, and for just a moment he felt good about himself. Out of the corner of his eye he saw several black students pick up their pens again.

"I appreciate your candor, Tony. This is a political science cla.s.s. If you have a thorn in your head, this is the place to pull it out." The professor looked at the clock on the back wall. "See you all on Wednesday."

Candor? What was candor.

After the lecture hall had emptied, Tony still sat in his desk, his eyes fastened on the professor, who was putting his notes and books in a briefcase. The professor glanced up and smoothed his beard. "Something you want to ask me?" he said.

"What did you mean by that, Dr. Edwards?"

"By what?"

"This being the place to pull a thorn out. Were you saying something about me? Just tell the truth."

"Supposedly that's why I get paid."

"Sir?"

"I get paid to tell the truth." The professor gave it up. "I was saying that the idea of cla.s.s superiority has one basic function-it allows people to justify their exploitation of their fellow human beings. The exploitation happens on many levels, Tony, the most common of which is financial or s.e.xual. It's taught in fraternities, it's taught in churches. People screw down and marry up."

Tony got up from his seat and approached the lectern, his stomach churning, a sound like an electrical short buzzing in his head. "Are you accusing me of s.e.xually using a girl from a poor family?"

"Excuse me?"

"I didn't have anything to do with her death," he said. "We had something special. It just didn't last. It just went to h.e.l.l, all at once. I don't even know why."

"I'm afraid I don't-"

"You were talking about Yvonne. You were doing it in front of the whole cla.s.s."

The professor stared at him. "You have a few minutes, Tony? Why don't you and I go for a cup of coffee?"

Tony looked at the confusion in the professor's face and realized the terrible mistake he had made. "I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I'm not feeling too good, Dr. Edwards. I didn't mean to bother you."

"You're a fine boy. One day you'll discover who you are and none of this will matter." The professor seemed to smile with a level of compa.s.sion Tony did not think him capable of. But was it compa.s.sion, or perhaps something else? "Come talk to me when you have a chance. We'll have a drink in my backyard. I can make a grand martini."

But Tony was already walking rapidly up the aisle toward the exit, his footsteps echoing in the empty room, his face red with shame.

THE FRATERNITY HOUSE had been created out of a large white three-story Victorian home, one whose gables and cornices were visible through the crepe myrtle and azaleas and live oaks like the hard edges of a medieval fortress. The pledges mowed the lawn, raked the leaves, and trimmed the hedges, and kids whose families couldn't afford the fraternity's costs worked off their room and board by cooking and serving meals and cleaning the house.

Tony shared a room on the third floor with Slim Bruxal, one with a small balcony that provided a magnificent view of the trees and rooftops in the neighborhood. The room was the most desirable in the house, and when Slim requested it, none of his fraternity brothers objected, although others had more seniority than Slim and wanted it.

Tony's insides were like water when he returned to the house from his poli-sci cla.s.s. He tried to tell Slim about what had happened, how he had made a fool out of himself, how Dr. Edwards had looked at him as though he were an object of pity.

While Tony sat on the side of his unmade bed and went through every detail of his public embarra.s.sment in cla.s.s, Slim stood bare-chested at a full-length mirror, combing his hair, examining his facial skin for imperfections, checking to see if the barber had etched his sideburns sufficiently. "I got news for you. Dr. Edwards is an alcoholic fudge-packer. He pushes that pinko douche rinse whenever he gets the chance. Be proud you stood up to him."

"I'm scared, Slim."

"Of what?"

"My lawyer and I meet with the D.A. tomorrow."

"Tell him to stuff it, just like I did. The Feds are using Monarch Little and the Iberia D.A. to get at my old man. They don't got jack on either one of us. Winos get run over all the time. You're an innocent man. Keep remembering that. They're targeting you because of who your father is."

"They'll send him to prison."

"No, they won't. My old man eats guys like that D.A. for lunch. Back in Miami, these local schmucks wouldn't have been allowed to clean his toilet."

"I feel real bad. I keep seeing that guy on the road. I keep thinking about Yvonne. Why did she go nuts like that?"

"How do I know? She had mental problems. Yvonne doesn't have anything to do with this. You keep the two issues separate. I don't want to see you like this."

"I can't help it. I'm coming apart."

Slim studied Tony in the mirror and slipped his comb in his back pocket. He sat down next to him and put his arm over Tony's shoulders. Tony could smell the clean odor of Slim's skin, the tinge of testosterone from his armpit. Slim squeezed him fraternally to get him out of his funk. "In no time you'll be the house's top c.o.c.ksman again. Trust me, n.o.body cares about a winehead who walked in front of a car."

"That's not what happened, Slim."

"Yeah, it is."

"I can't hurt my folks like this."

Slim's eyes were filled with the kind of thoughts he never shared. He ma.s.saged the back of Tony's neck a long time, then glanced through the partially opened door and saw two junior cla.s.smen studying at a table in the room across the hall. He got up from the bed and quietly shut the door.

An hour later Tony drove his silver Lexus to St. John's Cathedral, a nineteenth-century brick church with twin bell towers a few blocks from Lafayette's old downtown area. If asked, he probably would not have been able to tell anyone what he was doing there. Before her accident, his mother had dutifully attended the local Episcopalian church, served graciously on all its social committees, and had believed in absolutely none of it. Ironically, Tony became convinced of the spiritual world's authenticity by his father. Bellerophon Lujan feared no man, but he would quit plowing or avoid proximity to any livestock at the first creak of electricity in the clouds. He was terrified of the prospect of h.e.l.l and the consequences of his own libidinous nature, and believed it was the devil's hand that constantly subverted his attempts to achieve social respectability, which in Bellerophon's mind was the same as morality. For Bello, G.o.d was an abstraction, but the devil was real and reminded Bello of his presence each morning when Bello awoke throbbing and hard, chained to unrequited dreams that followed him into the day.

Tony walked across the church lawn to the St. John Oak and sat down on a stone bench. The oak was supposedly over four hundred years old. The limbs were so thick and so heavy, they not only touched the ground but had formed huge elbows that allowed the limbs to continue growing into the sunlight. The breeze was cool under the tree and smelled of flowers in the garden planted by the rectory. A young priest was watering the flowers with a hose, amusing himself by placing his thumb over the end of the hose and firing a jet into a nest of mud daubers. He caught Tony looking at him and grinned self-consciously.

Tony did not know how long he sat on the stone bench. He could have stayed there forever. The limbs of the live oak were hung with Spanish moss and encrusted with lichen, the stone under him cool to his touch. How did he get mixed up in so much trouble? Why did Yvonne have to go and kill herself? In his mind he created a fantasy in which he walked through the front door of the church and out the back, free of all the misery that had come into his life since he had started hanging out with Slim Bruxal.

But in truth he couldn't put it on Slim. He had sought out Slim; it wasn't the other way around. There were rumors about Slim's expulsion for cheating at LSU and a fight with a Texas Aggie in the restroom at Tiger Stadium, one that left the Aggie ruptured and bleeding inside from a broken rib. But Slim had another side to him. He listened to Tony and always sensed what Tony needed to hear. Slim took no guff from anyone. He understood what it was like to have a father he admired, even loved, but who was looked down upon by others. In fact, sometimes Tony looked at Slim soaping himself in the shower and experienced feelings he didn't like to dwell upon.

Then Tony realized the priest had turned off the garden hose and was walking toward him. He started to get up and leave. In fact, he didn't even know why he was there. Should he just tell this stranger about Yvonne and the dead homeless man and the fact that tomorrow he might betray his own family? The man in black pants and a smudged T-s.h.i.+rt was probably not much older than he was, except he was slight of build, almost frail. A baseball glove hung from his belt and another one was folded in his hand, a gra.s.s-stained ball buried in the pocket.

"Feel like a little pitch-and-catch?" he said.

"I pulled my arm in a fraternity game. I probably won't be that good at it."

"Neither am I. See that piece of cardboard where there used to be a stained-gla.s.s pane? My forkball got out of control."

Tony fitted the spare glove on his hand, and he and the priest began flinging the ball back and forth under the oak's drip line, the sunlight breaking like slivers of gla.s.s behind the cathedral's silhouette. Then the priest skipped one across the gra.s.s to him. Tony fielded it backhand, then fired it straight into the priest's glove, straight and hard, with no trajectory, with an accuracy that surprised even himself.

The priest sent another grounder at him. Tony bobbled it at first, the ball caroming off the heel of his hand. But he pulled it out of midair with his right hand and side-armed it, whap, back into the priest's waiting glove.

"You're pretty good," the priest said.

"Not really," he said, doing a poor job of hiding his pride.

"Try me now," the priest said.

Tony threw a high-hopper that the priest caught easily and tossed back without interest. The next two were faster, at an angle, grounders-with-eyes. The priest was good, scooping them up with his body positioned in front of the ball, his return throw fired from behind the ear. The next one Tony threw was a hummer, whizzing across the lawn like a shot. The priest caught it on the run, spearing it after it took a bad hop on a tree root, whirling and side-arming it back in a half turn.

The ball flew by Tony's outstretched glove and hit a pa.s.sing car on the street. "Oh, boy," he heard the priest say.

"I'll go after it, Father," Tony said.

"Are you kidding? This is the third time this has happened this week. Time to take cover," the priest said.

Moments later, the priest hid the two gloves in a flower bed, furtively looking around the corner of the building. His face was bright and sweaty in the shade, his eyes wide with apprehension.

"You're really a minister?" Tony said.

"Well, I'm sure not Derek Jeter."

"I think the ball hit the car window."

"I know. That's why I'm here and not on the street looking for it. Come on, I have a couple of cold sodas in my cooler."

He squatted down on the gra.s.s and popped off the top of a small ice chest. He lifted out a can of Pepsi, ripped the tab, and handed it up to Tony. "Were you worried about something out there?" he said.

"Me? No, not really."

"You a Catholic?"

"No."

"If you want to tell me about something, it won't go any farther than this garden."

Had all this been a ruse? Tony wondered. Another do-gooder with an agenda? The priest lifted up his T-s.h.i.+rt and wiped his face with it, staring out at the traffic on the street.

"My girlfriend killed herself. She was stoned out of her head and maybe went to bed with several men before she did it. I might be arrested tomorrow for the death of a homeless man. I think maybe I'm a coward. I may commit a terrible act of betrayal and send one of my parents to prison."

The priest's mouth parted silently. His face was still flushed from play, the hair on his arms speckled with dirt from his work in the garden. His eyes glistened. "I'm sorry," he said.

Sorry about what? Yvonne's death? Sorry he had nothing to offer? What was he saying?

But the priest's gaze had drifted toward the street, where Slim Bruxal's SUV had just pulled behind Tony's Lexus. The SUV was loaded with kids from the fraternity house. At least two of them were wearing T-s.h.i.+rts imprinted with the faces of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson, which had been one of several ways the fraternity signaled its feelings on the question of race.

"I have to go," Tony said.

"Who are those guys?" the priest said.

"My friends."

The priest looked again at the kids getting out of Slim's vehicle. "You didn't tell me your name."

"I don't know who I am, Father. I don't know anything anymore."

"Stay," the priest said.

But Tony had already fitted a crooked smile on his face and directed his steps toward his friends, who waited for him by the curb. The speckled shade under the St. John Oak seemed to slip off his skin like water sliding off stone.

IT WAS HOT AND DRY that evening, and heat lightning flickered against a black sky in the south. Molly and I ate a late dinner of cold cuts and potato salad and iced tea on the picnic table in the backyard with Snuggs and Tripod. The air was thick with birds, the bayou coated with a pall of smoke from meat fires in the park.