The Foolish Dictionary - LightNovelsOnl.com
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=BANDIT= An outlaw. See =ALDERMAN=.
=BARBER= A brilliant conversationalist, who occasionally shaves and cuts hair. Syn. for Phonograph.
=BARS= Things found in harbors, hotels, fences, prisons, courts and music. (Those found in courts and in music are full of beats).
=BARGAIN=
[Ill.u.s.tration]
A disease common to women, caught in the Sunday papers and developed in department stores on Mondays. Symptoms, loud talk, pus.h.i.+ng and shoving, a combination prize-fight and foot-ball scrimmage. (Old spelling _Bark-gain_).
=BASEBALL= A game in which the young man who bravely strikes out for himself receives no praise for it.
=BAT= Senior partner of Bat, Ball & Co., and never found without the rest of the firm, as it takes several high-b.a.l.l.s to make one short bat.
=BEACH= A strip of sand, skirted by water; covered with lady-killers in summer, life-savers in winter, and used as a haven--or heaven--for Smacks the year around.
=BENEDICT= A married male.
=BENEDICTINE= A married female.
=BENEDICTION= Their children.
=BERTH= An aid to sleep, invented by Pullman. Lower preferred.
=BIRTH= An aid to life, discovered by Woman. Higher preferred.
=BICYCLE-SKIRT= A abbreviated garment that makes women look shorter and men longer.
=BIGAMY= A form of insanity in which a man insists on paying three board bills instead of two.
=BILLIOUSNESS= A liver complaint often mistaken for piety.
=BILL-OF-FARE= A list of eatables. Distinguished from Menu by figures in the right-hand column.
=BIOGRAPH= A stereopticon picture taken with a chill and shown with tremors.
=BIRDIE= A term a woman is apt to apply to a man she is playing for a jay.
=BIRTHDAY= Anniversary of one's birth. Observed only by men and children.
=BLUBBER= The useful product of a dead whale. The useless product of a live baby.
=BLUE= The only color we can feel. =INVISIBLE BLUE= A policeman.
=BLUSH= A temporary erythema and calorific effulgence of the physiognomy, aeteologized by the perceptiveness of the sensorium, in a predicament of inequilibrity, from a sense of shame, anger or other cause, eventuating in a paresis of the vase-motorial, muscular filaments of the facial capillaries, whereby, being divested of their elasticity, they become suffused with a radiance emanating from an intimidated praecordia.
=BOARD= An implement for administering corporal punishment, used by mothers and land-ladies. "The Festive Board" may be a s.h.i.+ngle, a hair-brush a fish-hash breakfast or a stewed prune supper.
=BOHEMIA= (Not on the map.) A land flowing with canned milk and distilled honey and untroubled by consistency, convention, conscience or cash. A land to which many are called and few chosen.
=BONE= One Dollar--the original price of a wife. Note, Adam, who had to give up one bone before he got Eve.
=BONNETS= A female head trouble, which is contracted the latter part of Lent and breaks out on Easter.
