Mr. Punch in the Highlands Part 8

"Wish we had something to read", I remarked, after another long pause.

"Do you expect a circulating library on the top of Ben-y-Gloe?"

I began to realise that Gwen was no longer in a conversational mood, and made no further efforts to break the silence. Half-an-hour later Gwen came across the room and laid her hand on my shoulder. "What are you reading, dear?" she asked.

"I find we can get a train from Struan to-morrow afternoon which catches the London connection at Perth when the train's not more than two hours late."

"We can't risk that. Isn't there a train in the morning?"

"It would mean leaving this at five."

"So much the better. O Jack, if I eat another meal like that it will be fatal. To think we shall be back in dear old Chelsea to-morrow!"

[Ill.u.s.tration: ORIGIN OF THE HIGHLAND SCHOTTISCHE

"This is the way they tread the hay, tread the hay, tread the hay; This is the way they tread the hay, tread the hay in Scotland!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: GROUSE SHOOTING LATE IN THE SEASON.

JOLLY, VERY!

"Come along, old fellow! Here's a point!!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: DEER-STALKING MADE EASY. A HINT TO l.u.s.tY SPORTSMEN]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SOONER OR LATER

_Old Gent._ "When is the steamer due here?"

_Highland Pier-Master._ "Various. Sometimes sooner, sometimes earlier, an' even sometimes before that, too."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "HARMLESS"

_c.o.c.kney Sporting Gent._ "But I think it's a 'en!"

_Sandy (his keeper)._ "Shoot, man, shoot! She'll be no muckle the waur o' ye!!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: PLEASANT

_Friend (to novice at salmon fis.h.i.+ng)._ "I say, old boy, mind how you wade; there are some tremendous holes, fourteen or fifteen feet deep."]

[Ill.u.s.tration:AN IMPORTANT DETAIL

_Our latest Millionaire_ (_to Gillie, who has brought him within close range of the finest stag in the forest_). "I say, Mac, confound it all, _which eye do you use_?"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _English Tourist (in the far North, miles from anywhere)._ "Do you mean to say that you and your family live here all the winter? Why, what do you do when any of you are ill? You can never get a doctor!"

_Scotch Shepherd._ "Nae, sir. We've just to dee a natural death!"]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SCENE--A ROADSIDE INN IN A MOORLAND DISTRICT, SCOTLAND

(_The Captain and Gamekeeper call in to have some Refreshment_)

_Landlady_ (_enters in fear_). "Eh, sir, yer gun's no loaded is't? for a never would bide in a hoose whaur the wur a loaded gun in a' m'life."

_Captain_ (_composedly_). "Oh, we'll soon put that all right--have you got a cork?"

[_Exit Landlady and brings a cork, which the Captain carefully sticks in the muzzle of the gun, and a.s.sures her it is all right now_--

_Landlady_ (_relieved_). "Ou, aye! it's a' right noo, but it wasna safe afore, ye ken."]

[Ill.u.s.tration: "A MONARCH OF THE GLEN"

_Transatlantic Millionaire (surveying one of his deer-forests)._ "Ha! look there! I see _three excursionists_! Send 'em to the----!"

_Gigantic Gillie (and chucker-out)._ "If you please, Mr.

Dollers, they're _excis.e.m.e.n_!"

_T. M._ "I don't care _who_ they are! Send 'em to the----!"

_G. G._ "Yes, Mr. Dollers."

[_Proceeds to carry out order._

[Ill.u.s.tration: Sportsman (who declines to be told where to go and what to do by his gillie), after an arduous stalk in the blazing sun, at last manages to crawl within close range of those "brown specks" he discovered miles distant on the hill-side!]