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And my heroes would no longer be watching at my elbow to point to the choicest bits and say, "You're mistaken, young man, I never said that."
No, all those lifelike human touches would stay in. Stories kept coming up in my mind, one especially of late. As I stood in line for my hat and coat I thought of it now and grew so absorbed I forgot that I was standing in a line of insignificant clerks--until the one ahead of me, who had just come in from the street, asked the chap in front of him:
"Say, Gus, did you see the suffragettes? Their parade's just going by."
This brought me down from the clouds with a jerk. For I had meant to see that parade. Sue was in it, in it hard. Suffrage was her latest fad.
"Naw," growled Gus. "If I was the mayor and they came to me for a permit to march I'd tell 'em to go and buy corsets. That's their complaint.
They can't get kissed so they want to vote." The other one chuckled:
"I saw one who can have my vote--and all I'll ask is a better look.
Believe me, some silk stockings!"
As they went away I glared after them. "d.a.m.n little muts," I thought. I was rather in favor of suffrage, at least I felt indulgent about it. Why shouldn't I be? The great thing was to keep your mind open and kindly, to feel contempt for nothing whatever. And because I felt contempt for no thing or person in all the world, I now glared with the most utter contempt on these narrow-minded little clerks.
Then I hurried out and over to Fifth Avenue, where the throb of the drums was still to be heard. And there I found to my surprise that in a very real sense this parade was different from anything that I had ever seen before. I was more than indulgent, I was excited. And by what? Not by the marching lines of figures, fluttering banners, booming bands, nor just by the fact that these marchers were women, and women quite frankly dressed for effect, so that the whole rhythmic ma.s.s had a feminine color and dash that made it all gay and delightful. No, there was something deeper. And that something, I finally made out, was this. These women and girls were all deeply thrilled by the feeling that for the first time in their lives they were doing something all together--for an idea that each one of them had thought rather big and stirring before, but now, as each felt herself a part of this moving, swinging mult.i.tude, she felt the idea suddenly loom so infinitely larger and more compelling than before that she herself was astounded. Here for the first time in my life I felt the power of ma.s.s action.
And as presently I started home and the intensity of it was gone, there was an added pleasure to me in remembering how I had felt it. Another proof of my breadth of mind. I hurried home to dinner.
As I entered our apartment I gave a long, low mysterious whistle. And after a moment another whistle, which tried hard to be mysterious, answered mine from another room. Then there were stealthy footsteps which ended in a sudden charge, and my wee son, "the Indian," hurled me onto a sofa, where, to use his expression, we "rush-housed" each other.
We did this almost every night.
When the big time was about over Eleanore appeared:
"Come, Indian, it's time for bed." She led him off protesting and blew me back a kiss from the door.
She had developed wonderfully, this bewitching wife of mine, this quiet able one in her work, this smiling humorous one in her life, this watchful, joyous, intimate one in the hours that shut everything out.
Sue said I idolized my wife, that I saw her all perfection, "without one redeeming vice." Not at all. I knew her vices well enough. I knew she could get distinctly cross when a new gown came home all wrong. I knew that she could lie to me, I had caught her at it several times when she said she was feeling finely and then confessed to me the next day, "I had a splitting headache last night." In fact, she had any number of vices--queer, mysterious feminine moods when she quite shamelessly shut me out. She didn't half take care of herself, she went places when she should have stayed at home. And finally, she was slow at dressing.
Placidly seated in front of her mirror she could spend an entire hour in doing her soft luxuriant hair.
I went over all these vices now as I lay back on the sofa. Idolize her?
Not at all. I knew her. We were married, thank G.o.d.
Then she came back into the room. She was smiling in rather a curious way, an expectant way, and I noticed that her color was unusually high.
Eleanore always dressed so well, but to-night she had outdone herself.
From her trim blue satin slippers to the demure little band of blue at her throat she was more enchantingly fresh than ever. Suffragettes and that sort of thing were all very well on the Avenue. Give me Eleanore at home.
"Did you see the parade?" she inquired.
"Yes."
"Did you see me?"
I fairly jumped!
"You?" I demanded. "Were you in that march?"
"I most certainly was," she said quietly. Having shot her bolt she was regarding me gravely now, with the merest glint of amused delight somewhere in her gray-blue eyes. "Why not?" she asked. "I believe in it, I want the vote. Why shouldn't I march? I paraded," she added serenely, "in the college section right up near the head of the line. That's why I'm home so early. I'm afraid I was quite conspicuous, for you see I'm rather small and I had to take long swinging strides to keep in step.
But I soon got used to it, and I thoroughly enjoyed the cheers. We waved back at them with our flags."
"But," I cried, "my darling wife! Why didn't you tell me about it ahead?"
"Because"--she came close up to me and said quite confidentially, "we do these things all by ourselves. You don't mean to say that you mind it, dear?"
I lost about five seconds and then I did exactly right. I took her in my arms and laughed and called my wife by many names and said she couldn't worry me, that I didn't mind it in the least, was proud of her and so on. In short, to use a slang expression, I distinctly got away with it.
Moreover, I soon felt what I said. I was honestly rather proud of my wife for having had the nerve to march. It must have been quite a struggle, for she was no born marcher.
And I was glad that I was proud. Another proof of my tolerance--which was the more grateful to me just now because a magazine man I admired had genially hinted the other day that I was rather narrow.
"Did you see Sue?" I inquired.
"Only for a moment," she said. "Sue was one of the marshals and she was all up and down the lines. She's coming to supper with many paraders."
"A crowd of women here? I'm off!"
"No you're not. She's bringing some men paraders too."
Men paraders! Now I could smile. I had earned the right, I had been broad. But after all, there are limits. I could see those chaps parading with women. I knew them, I had seen them before, for Sue had often brought them here. I enjoyed myself immensely--till Eleanore shot another bolt.
"Smile on, funny one," she said. "You'll be in line yourself in a year."
"I will not be in line!"
"I wonder." She looked at me in a curious way. The mirth went slowly out of her eyes. "There are so many queer new ideas crowding in all around us," she said. "And I know you, Billy, oh, so well--so much better than you know yourself. I know that when you once feel a thing you're just the kind to go into it hard. I'm not speaking of suffrage now--that's only one nice little part. I mean this whole big radical movement--all the kind of thing your friend Joe Kramer stood for." She put her arms about my neck. "Don't get too radical, husband mine--you're so nice and funny now, my love."
I regarded her anxiously:
"Has this parade gone to your head--or has Sue been talking to you again?"
"I lunched with Sue----"
"I knew it! And now she's coming here to supper--bringing men paraders!"
"And they'll all be rabidly hungry," said Eleanore with a sudden change.
She went quickly in to see the cook and left me to grim meditation.
I a radical? I smiled. And my slight uneasiness pa.s.sed away, as I thought about my sister.
CHAPTER II
Poor old Sue. What queer friends she had, what a muddled life compared to ours. What a vague confused development, jumping from one idea to another, never seeing any job through, forever starting all over again with the same feverish absorption in the next new radical fad. High-brow dramatics, the settlement movement, the post-impressionists, socialism, votes for women, one thing after the other pell mell. She would work herself all up, live hard, talk, organize, think and feel till her nerves went all to pieces, and then she would come to us for a rest and laugh at us for our restfulness and at herself for the state she was in.
That was one thing at least she had learned--to laugh at herself--she could be deliciously humorous. And Eleanore, meeting her on that ground, would quiet her and steady her down.
We had grown very fond of Sue. We knew her life was not easy at home.
Alone over there with poor old Dad and feeling herself anch.o.r.ed down, she would still at intervals rebel--against his sticking to his dull job, against her own dependence, against the small monthly allowance which without my father's knowledge they still had from me.