Dog Blood Part 4

What with the heat, the flies, and the smell, the last thing I want is more food.

"Poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d," I say quietly. "Just look at the state of him."

Now that I've taken a step back from Adam I can see just how bad his condition really is. He has open, weeping wounds all over his body, and his shattered bones haven't been properly looked at since his father first broke them. It makes me feel uneasy; this is a harsh and unforgiving world we're suddenly all living in. This man is going to die before the day is done, but none of his wounds are truly life-threatening. The medicine, the expertise, and the means to save him exist, but they're all out of reach. Julia seems to second-guess what I'm thinking with uncomfortable accuracy.

"Don't bother beating yourself up about it," she says. "There's no point. Face facts, he's useless to anyone like this."

"I know, but-"

"But nothing. We don't have time to waste patching up people like this who aren't going to be able to fight again. It'd take him months to recover, and even then he'll still be next to no good. And who's going to look after him? We don't have the people to spare. Right now there's no such thing as doctors and nurses and surgeons and the like. At the end of the day we're all fighters, and that's all there is to it."

I feel like I should protest, that I should try to say something in defense of my fallen friend and fight in his corner, but I know there's no point. She's right. Christ, it was only this morning that I was thinking about walking out on him anyway.

"A fighter who can't fight," she continues, preaching at me, "is just a corpse. If you want to do something to help him, then find yourself a gun and put a bullet in his head."

9.

I'M AWAY FROM THE slaughterhouse and the corpses and the flies and the stench now, and the land stretches out in front of me forever. The sun-bleached, knee-high gra.s.s s.h.i.+fts lazily from side to side in the warm wind like waves on a gently rolling sea. The world is suddenly absolutely beautiful, calm and almost completely silent. I feel strong and relaxed, revitalized and ready for the next fight. It'll be time to leave soon. slaughterhouse and the corpses and the flies and the stench now, and the land stretches out in front of me forever. The sun-bleached, knee-high gra.s.s s.h.i.+fts lazily from side to side in the warm wind like waves on a gently rolling sea. The world is suddenly absolutely beautiful, calm and almost completely silent. I feel strong and relaxed, revitalized and ready for the next fight. It'll be time to leave soon.

I take a few steps forward, the blazing sun blinding me and burning my skin, my boots trampling down the long gra.s.s and leaving a flattened trail behind me. Considering how close to the cull site this place is, it's remarkably tranquil and clear. Ahead of me there's nothing, the land from here to the horizon barely even undulating, only a handful of distant, parched trees daring to stretch up from the yellow-green ground into the intense blue sky above.

Wait. What was that?

I hear something. The rustle of gra.s.s. Footsteps? I'm starting to think it was just the wind when, a few yards ahead of me, a childlike figure appears, emerging from the long gra.s.s where it had been hiding. Virtually naked and desperately thin; I can't even tell from here what s.e.x it is. It slowly stands upright, watching me intently, swaying slowly. I don't care who or what it is. I know that I have to kill it.

I start sprinting, totally focused on catching the small figure up ahead and nothing else. He runs (I can tell from the way he moves it's a male) and makes a sudden, darting turn to the left, moving far faster than me. The gap between us increases, and I follow his trail through the flattened gra.s.s, around and around in a lazy arc until I end up back where I started. The child disappears momentarily, and as I scan the horizon I see that up ahead of me now are the ruins of my hometown. It's been weeks since I've been here, but it's almost exactly as I remember, just a little dirtier than before. The dark, ugly buildings are in stark contrast to the beauty of everything else. There's a steady haze of smoke, wisps of white climbing up between the tallest buildings and clouds of dirty gray lying at street level like a heavy fog.

I've completely lost sight of the child now, but the trail of trampled gra.s.s will lead me straight to him. I start running again. The chase is getting harder now. The air is scorched and dry, and I can feel the fierce sun burning the skin on my bare back. I force myself to keep moving forward, driven on by the thought of killing again. My mouth salivates at the prospect of tearing Unchanged flesh from bone ...

A thin strip of brittle hedge marks the farthest edge of the gra.s.sland. I crash through, ignoring the spiteful branches and thorns that slash at my skin, then keep running along an empty street I don't recognize. There are buildings rising up on either side of me now, dilapidated and skeletal but still tall and imposing enough to finally block out the sun. It's hard to see anything in the sudden change from light to dark, and it's ice cold in the shadows. Disoriented, I start to slow down. The child I'm chasing is long gone.

I hear footsteps again-more than one person this time, and they're behind me. I turn around and see a huge crowd of people charging up the long straight street after me. There's enough of them to fill the entire width of the road, but their true numbers are masked by the worsening gloom. I start to run again, willing myself to keep moving faster. My energy levels are dropping now that I'm the one being chased, and every step takes ten times the effort it did before. My hunger has been replaced with fear, and the crowd's getting closer. Every time I look back over my shoulder they're nearer still. There's a gap in the row of buildings to my left-leading to another even straighter, even narrower road-and I take it, my heavy boots and aching feet pounding the concrete, shock waves shooting the length of my tired frame. All my strength and energy have gone. Can't keep going ...

I stop halfway down the second street, unable to go any farther. I look back, and the crowd is still surging after me like a herd of stampeding animals, close enough that I can see their faces now. They suddenly stop, maintaining an unexpected, cautious distance. I sense they could attack at any moment, and I'm scared. For the first time in months I feel genuinely afraid. I look at the people at the front of the hunting pack, and I see that they're like me, but I sense they're going to attack. Why? Do they think I'm one of the Unchanged? I open my mouth to try to explain, to try to make them understand, but I can't force out even a single word. I feel crushed, devastated, and humiliated, wis.h.i.+ng I were like them again. They look at me with total hatred ...

I turn around to run and find myself facing Ellis. In disbelief I move closer toward her. She backs away from me, matching every step forward with a single step back, then stops again when I stop.

"Ellis," I start to say, my parched voice barely audible, "I thought you'd..."

She throws herself at me, leaping up with lightning speed and grabbing hold of my throat. I'm down before I know it, my face slammed hard into the ground ...

10.

BAD DREAM , SLEEPING BEAUTY?" , SLEEPING BEAUTY?" the man sitting next to me asks. I nod but don't answer. I rub my head where it just thumped against the window of the van and immediately remember where I am. It's late in the day, I'm on my way back home with three other fighters, and I'm feeling travel sick. Can't remember the last time I went anywhere by road like this. Is it safe? The confidence of the rest of the people in the van makes me feel out of step with everyone else. the man sitting next to me asks. I nod but don't answer. I rub my head where it just thumped against the window of the van and immediately remember where I am. It's late in the day, I'm on my way back home with three other fighters, and I'm feeling travel sick. Can't remember the last time I went anywhere by road like this. Is it safe? The confidence of the rest of the people in the van makes me feel out of step with everyone else.

The c.o.c.ky, sour-faced guy next to me is Paul Hewlitt, and he seems to have a far higher opinion of himself and his own abilities than anyone else does. In the front of the van are Carol and Keith, who's driving. As far as I'm aware there's nothing between them, but they bicker, fight, and argue like an old married couple. I feel like I don't belong here. I think I'd rather be doing this alone. Maybe I'm just not used to being with groups of people anymore?

"Will you put that d.a.m.n thing out?" Keith moans as Carol lights up a cigarette. She blows smoke in his direction, deliberately antagonizing him.

"No," she snaps abrasively, her voice dry and harsh.

"Don't know where you keep getting them from."

"You don't want to know," Paul pipes up.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I saw you," he says, "checking the pockets of corpses."

"Well, they don't need them anymore," she argues. And she's got a point. But does that make her any different from the Unchanged I saw fleecing bodies earlier?

"You're disgusting," Keith sighs.

"I'm addicted," she answers back quickly, "and I don't want to quit. Cigarettes are one of my few remaining pleasures. Where else am I supposed to get them?"

"At least open the window, then. Last thing I want to do is be breathing in your secondhand smoke all night."

"Hold your breath, then," she grumbles, begrudgingly winding down her window. The cool, relatively fresh air that floods into the van is a relief, and I breathe it in deeply.

I look around at the three people I'm traveling with tonight, and I can't help but feel concerned. I haven't seen any of them in action yet, but I don't hold out much hope. Keith looks like he'd be more at home in his garden than on the battlefield. Carol appears permanently angry. She has bulging eyes and short, dark hair that obviously used to be colored (the dye's grown out, leaving a bra.s.sy red tidemark). She has long nails that probably used to be filed and painted but that now look more like talons or claws. She reminds me of a woman I used to work with-a bitter, drink-addled ex-publican. She has the ruddy complexion of a heavy drinker and looks like she'd be happiest either behind a bar or propping one up. Paul, on the other hand, at least looks like he's ready to fight. He's an arrogant f.u.c.ker. Since we've been driving he's already told me several times what a great fighter he is and how he's lost count of the hundreds of kills he's made. I can see straight through him. His bragging and aggressive talk are there to hide his insecurities. He's struggling just as much as the rest of us.

So, all in all, not a great team. Still, if they help me get closer to finding Ellis, I'll put up with them.

"Give us a clue then, friend," Keith says, glancing back at me over his shoulder. I lean forward to try to get a better view of where we are. The van vibrates intensely and lurches from side to side as we move quickly down a wide, rubbish-strewn road, and it's difficult to see very much from where I'm sitting. The fact that Keith's driving without lights on doesn't help, but when the ominous black shape of a huge enemy helicopter crawls across the early evening sky just ahead of us, taillights flas.h.i.+ng in the gloom, I'm thankful that we're hidden.

There's a road sign up ahead. Keith stops the van, and all four of us stare up at it, trying to make out the place names and directions. Much of the sign is covered in a layer of green-brown dirt and moss.

"This is Chapman Hill, isn't it?" Paul says. I look in front and behind, trying to get my bearings. He's right. I bought my last car from a garage close to here, but I didn't recognize the place. Now that I know roughly where I am, though, everything slowly comes into focus, and the streets and buildings begin to regain some semblance of familiarity. This is bizarre-everything looks basically the same, but it's all changed, too. The landmarks and structures I used to know are mostly still there, but absolutely everything seems to have been indelibly scarred by the war. A long line of once-thriving shops is now a crumbling, blackened ruin, almost completely destroyed by fire. The front part of the garage I remember has collapsed, flattening the few dust-covered cars that remained unstolen and unsold. Next to the garage an office building now stands at barely half of its prewar height, surrounded by mounds of rubble that used to be its top five floors. In the fading light it looks like every road and sidewalk for as far as I can see is covered with a layer of dust and debris. The bodies are the only shapes that are easy to distinguish among the chaos. Just ahead of us a skeletal hand is sticking up from a pile of fallen masonry as if its dead owner wants to ask us a question or hitch a ride.

"Well," Keith says impatiently, "you just here to sightsee or are you gonna tell me which way to go?"

"Sorry," I answer quickly, forcing myself to snap out of my trance. "Keep going straight for another mile or so, then it's a right. I'll tell you when we get closer."

Keith's about to pull away again when Carol stops him, leaning across and grabbing his arm.

"Wait. Something's coming..."

There's an intersection up ahead. She watches it intently.

"There's nothing," Keith whispers, instinctively lowering his voice. "You're just overreacting again. It's like the time-"

He immediately shuts up when a short but powerful and fast-moving convoy races across the crossroads in front of us. It's just three vehicles long: a huge, military juggernaut at the front followed by a battered single-deck civilian bus, then a heavily armed jeep bringing up the rear. They move with reckless speed-far too quick to notice us. Keith waits. He glances over at Carol, who remains perfectly still. Eventually she nods. On her signal he moves off again.

"Can we get through that way?" he asks, slowing down at the point in the road where the convoy crossed our path.

"You want to follow them?" I reply, surprised.

"They've done us a favor and cleared the road. Yes, I want to follow them."

He's right. There's a clear line through the debris where the vehicles have just been.

"It's a little farther, but yes, this'll get us to roughly the right place."

He nods and pulls away, and I can immediately see the sense in his actions. We're able to move with more speed now, and the clear channel makes it easier to follow the direction of the road. I sink back into my seat and turn to face Paul.

"Are we safe out here?"

"Truth is we're not safe anywhere," he answers quietly, "but I haven't seen much trouble here recently."

"So what was all that about?"

"Looking for survivors, I guess," he says, shrugging his shoulders.

"That's what they'd say," Carol interrupts, turning around to face us both and blowing out smoke through the corner of her mouth, "but there can't be many of them left out here now. They just come here to take potshots at us."

"Which way now?" Keith shouts, fighting to make himself heard over the noise of the engine. There's another intersection looming, but yet again I'm struggling to work out where we are. In the distance I can see occasional flashes of red from the brakelights of the three Unchanged vehicles. They're heading straight into the center of town, the last place we want to go. I glance from left to right and back; then I see a large, familiar-looking pub, and I know where I am again. The building appears intact at first, but I can see from here that the back of the structure has been almost completely destroyed, leaving the relatively undamaged frontage standing like something from the set of a movie. I went to a going-away bash for someone from work there once. Or was it a birthday party... ?

"Straight ahead takes us closer to them, so do we go right or left? Come on, for Christ's sake, we don't have time to screw around like this-"

"Left," I answer, biting my tongue, determined not to let my anger show. These people don't understand how hard this is for me.

We follow a familiar route, and I realize this is the way I drove to the apartment with my father-in-law the morning of the day before I killed him. Retracing the last steps I took as one of the Unchanged is unexpectedly unnerving. The road runs past the front of a row of houses before swinging up and left over a bridge that spans the highway below. Keith stops the van when we're halfway across. I press my face against the window and look down at the once-busy road below. One side of the highway is relatively clear-the debris no doubt brushed aside by heavy, but infrequent, Unchanged traffic. The other side is a single clogged ma.s.s of stationary vehicles. Some look like they've simply been abandoned, others like they've been picked up and hurled over the median strip. It looks more like a rusting sc.r.a.pyard than a road.

"Busy tonight," Carol says. I look up and see that she's staring down the highway in the other direction. I follow her gaze, and for the first time I can clearly see the enemy-occupied heart of the city. Silhouetted against the last golden yellow light of the rapidly fading sun, the tall buildings in the center of town stand proud and defiant. Even from here, still several miles away, I can see that the refugee camp is filled with movement. Planes and helicopters flitter through the darkening sky like flies around a dead animal's carca.s.s. The fact that there are lights on in some of the buildings takes me by surprise. They still have power! Keith starts driving again. I keep my eyes fixed on the buildings in the distance, watching them until they disappear from view.

"All right?" Paul asks, watching me as I crane my neck to keep looking.

"Fine," I answer quickly, hoping he doesn't pick up on my unease. There must be tens of thousands of Unchanged here, and I know that every last one of them has to die before the war will be over. Seeing their city center stronghold makes me appreciate the enormity of the task ahead of us. It makes me realize that Chris Ankin might be right. We're going to have to work together to defeat this enemy.

11.

TAKE A LEFT, THEN straight to the top of this road," I tell Keith, my voice so quiet I have to repeat myself twice before he hears me. We're very close now. I used to walk this way when I came home from work at night. When we turn the corner I'll be able to see the apartment building at the top of the hill. I brace myself, not looking forward to going back. Keith stops the van suddenly and waits. He's finally been forced to use the headlights and the bright beams of light illuminate several flashes of sudden, darting movement across the road in front of us. We watch in silence as a pack of stray dogs streaks through the ruins in search of food. Once probably lazy, well-fed, pampered pets, they're now nervous, thin, and savage creatures. One of them, a mangy fawn brown mongrel with protruding ribs and ragged fur, stops in the middle of the road and stares defiantly at the van, ears twitching, light reflecting in its eyes. The standoff lasts for just a few seconds before something more interesting causes the hound to turn and chase frantically after the rest of the pack. straight to the top of this road," I tell Keith, my voice so quiet I have to repeat myself twice before he hears me. We're very close now. I used to walk this way when I came home from work at night. When we turn the corner I'll be able to see the apartment building at the top of the hill. I brace myself, not looking forward to going back. Keith stops the van suddenly and waits. He's finally been forced to use the headlights and the bright beams of light illuminate several flashes of sudden, darting movement across the road in front of us. We watch in silence as a pack of stray dogs streaks through the ruins in search of food. Once probably lazy, well-fed, pampered pets, they're now nervous, thin, and savage creatures. One of them, a mangy fawn brown mongrel with protruding ribs and ragged fur, stops in the middle of the road and stares defiantly at the van, ears twitching, light reflecting in its eyes. The standoff lasts for just a few seconds before something more interesting causes the hound to turn and chase frantically after the rest of the pack.

The interruption over, Keith drives on again, and in seconds I can see the outline of the house I used to share with Lizzie and the kids. In the winter I was able to see the lights on in the windows from here, and sometimes I could see the shadows of the kids as they ran from room to room, aggravating their mom and each other. I've got to forget about all of that now, but it's hard. As I get closer, each new wave of familiarity hits me like an undefended punch in the face. At the same time, I feel a nauseous disgust-shame almost-that I was ever a part of this place. I can't believe I allowed myself to stay trapped in such a pathetic, restricted, and pointless life for so long.

"Lovely spot," Paul grumbles sarcastically as he surveys the battered remains of the run-down development I used to call home. The sky's clear tonight, and the moon's severe but limited light illuminates all the details I was hoping not to see.

"It's hardly changed," I tell him, semiseriously. "It looked this bad before the fighting."

Another helicopter flies overhead, the constant chopping of its rotor blades audible even over the rattling engine of this ancient van. The others watch anxiously as it banks high above us, then turns around and flies back on itself, but I pay it hardly any attention. I'm focused on the dark apartment building we're fast approaching, wondering what the h.e.l.l I'm going to find inside. I know Ellis won't be there. I just want to find a trace of her, an indication, no matter how small or how slight, of where she might have been taken.

Keith stops the van in the shadows, nestling it up against a tall wooden fence, and switches off the engine. Two more helicopters drift overhead. Are they tracking us? None of the others seem overly concerned.

"You've got five minutes," Keith says with a slight trace of urgency in his voice. "Spend too long s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g around in there and when you come back out you'll find us gone. There's a fair amount of activity around here tonight, and I don't want to get caught in any crossfire. Understand?"

"I get it."

I reach up to open the door, then stop when Keith speaks again.

"Just remember," he warns, "we're here to find other people like us, not just your kid. If she's not here or at the other house, you forget about her. Is that clear?"

Who the f.u.c.k does he think he is, talking to me like a G.o.dd.a.m.n drill sergeant? I ignore him and get out of the van before anyone can say anything else. I slam the door without thinking, and it echoes around the desolate neighborhood like a gunshot.

I stand at the end of the path that leads up to the communal front door of the apartment building, carrying only my backpack, a flashlight, and a knife. Except for the broken window and the ragged curtains whipping in and out in the wind, the apartment looks just like it always did. Seeing this place seems almost to cancel out the last three months. It feels like only yesterday that I was last here ...

Keith angrily blasts on the horn, the uncomfortably loud sound forcing me into action. I walk down the uneven path and push the door. It sticks at first but opens when I shove it hard, making the same loud, ear-piercing creak it always did, except it sounds a thousand times louder tonight because everything else is so deathly quiet. I step inside and s.h.i.+ne the flashlight around. The shared lobby has been trashed, and the ground beneath my feet is covered in bits of broken furniture and other rubbish. I recognize some of these things. They used to belong to me and my family. The kids used to hate being out here.

The front door of the apartment is open. It swings to and fro slightly in a gentle breeze. The wood is splintered and cracked across its width, and there are several dirty boot marks, most probably left by the soldiers who were forcing their way in as I was trying to get out when I was last here. With trepidation I push it open and go inside, and immediately I'm sucker-punched by the familiarity of everything again. I kick my youngest son's upturned stroller out of the way and move farther down the hall. The first room I reach is the kitchen. I go inside, and I can smell my father-in-law's corpse before I see it. He lies exactly where I left him, still covered in his blood-soaked duvet shroud, decay having deflated his lifeless bulk down to half its former size. Hard to believe that this rancid, shrunken, germ-filled ma.s.s is all that's left of Harry. When I think of him I still remember the man who used to look after the kids and who always gave me such a hard time, a crotchety, white-haired old b.a.s.t.a.r.d who did all he could to make my life difficult. In spite of everything that's happened it's hard to look at him in this state.

I look up and s.h.i.+ne the flashlight back across the room toward the doorway, suddenly remembering the screams and the terrified faces of my family when they saw what I'd done. I remember Ellis's frightened face clearest of all, desperate for answers that I didn't yet know I could give her.

I retrace their steps, moving back along the hallway until I reach the living room, the small circle of light from the flashlight providing more than enough illumination, and step over what's left of the furniture Lizzie stacked up here to keep me out. It's cold and damp in here, the broken window having left the room open and exposed to the elements for weeks on end. There's black mold on the walls, and the paper's peeling. The apartment has been ransacked, but I don't think Lizzie did this. Our things have been trashed by scavengers looking for food, weapons, and valuables. They were wasting their time here. We never had anything worth taking.

A missile or jet roars through the air above the apartment with a piercing scream. Silence returns in seconds, but Keith blasts the horn again, and I pick up my pace. I don't bother with Edward and Josh's room. Instead I go into the bedroom Lizzie and I shared, and I look down at our bed. The thought of being so physically close to her makes my skin crawl. Surprisingly, the thought of being so far from her now makes me feel equally bad. I grab a change of clothing from the wardrobe (all of Lizzie's clothes are still here-proof that she never came back), then run through to Ellis's room. I shove some of her belongings into my backpack-a doll and a rainbow-colored sweater she used to live in-figuring that the familiarity will help when we're together again. Didn't matter what she was doing or where she was going, when we asked her to get dressed, this sweater was what she always chose. I hold it to my nose and sniff it, hoping to remember her scent. It just smells of the apartment, damp and musty.

I take one last look around, then make my way back out to the others, knowing that whatever happens, I won't be coming back here. Keith hits the horn again as I run through the lobby. I push my way back out into the open and take a deep breath as soon as I'm outside, relieved to be out of that foul-smelling, claustrophobic h.e.l.lhole full of reminders of the person I used to be. I hear gunfire nearby, followed by a scream that could be either rage or pain. I throw my bag into the van, then climb in and slam the door.

"Any sign?" Paul asks.

"Nothing."

Yet another helicopter hovers nearby, this one using a searchlight to illuminate the ground below.

"We're not going anywhere else for a while," Keith announces as he starts the engine and pulls away. "This place is too d.a.m.n busy for my liking tonight. Anywhere close where we can hole up until it quietens down?"

All eyes are on me, and the pressure is unwelcome. The only thing I'm sure about is that I'm not going back into the apartment. I try to think of other places nearby that might still be standing. Through a gap between two houses at the very bottom of Calder Grove I see the tall, dark outline of a high-rise that looks reasonably intact. That'll do.

"Turn left at the bottom of the road," I tell him. "I know somewhere."