Even Silence Has an End Part 39

Even when the nurse eventually came, there was no aspirin for Lucho. As if to apologize, old Erminson told me in confidence, "They had to clear some land to plant the coca. Enrique's going to sell it, because we have no more money, and the Plan Patriota cut us off from our suppliers. That's why there's nothing left and we're all busy."

The men had been complaining about the hard work they had to put in. Harsh blue smoke had wafted over us as they burned the land, making it hard to breathe, and we'd noticed that they changed the guard only twice a day. They were all very busy.

Two days before Christmas, we went back to the old camp by the river, set up our antennas to listen to the program devoted to our families. Sat.u.r.day, December 23, 2006, was a strange night. Wrapped up in my hammock and my solitude, I heard my mother's faithful voice and the magical ones of my children. Mela spoke to me in a wise and maternal voice that broke my heart.

"I hear your voice in my heart, and I repeat all your words. I remember everything you told me, Mom. I need you to come back."

And I cried just as hard when I heard Lorenzo's voice. It was his voice, my little boy's voice. But it had changed, and in it there echoed a second voice. My father's voice, his grave, warm tone, like velvet. As I listened, I saw my child and I saw Papa. And not just Papa, but also his hands, his big hands with square fingers, dry and smooth. It gave me such happiness that it made me sob. And I also heard Sebastian. He had recorded his message in Spanish, which brought him closer to me. I felt blessed in h.e.l.l. I could not listen anymore. My heart couldn't take this much emotion. "Have I told Sebastian how much I love him? Dear Lord, he doesn't know. He doesn't know that purple has been my favorite color because of that purple pareo he gave me and that I refused to wear." I laughed at my memories and my guilt. "I will get out of here alive to be a better mother," I said, resolved. At dawn, with swollen eyes and my hammock soaked, I got up, so they could free me to use the chontos chontos.

As early as it was, the guards were already drunk. Armando swore he would carry out his plan that same day, and I wanted to believe him. The night was moonlit, and the guards were drunker than ever. It was a perfect night, but Armando didn't escape. The next morning Pinchao came up to me.

"Armando didn't leave. He'll never be able to."

"And you, could you?" I asked.

"I don't know how to swim."

"I'll teach you."

"My G.o.d! It's my dream to learn, because I want to teach my son to swim. I don't want him to feel ashamed, like I do."

"We'll start tomorrow."

Pinchao returned the favor. He appointed himself my trainer, and he put together a strict routine of exercises that he performed by my side. The hardest for me was pull-ups. I couldn't get the weight of my body up even one inch. In the beginning Pinchao held my legs. But some weeks later my body kept going until my eyes were above the bar. I was thrilled. I was able to do six pull-ups in a row.

We were working out far from the ears of the guards, when I asked him straight out.

"You can count on me," he said immediately. "With you and Lucho, I would go to the end of the earth."

We started work right away. We had to gather supplies.

"It's easy. We'll exchange our cigarettes for dark chocolate and farinha, farinha," I suggested.

I had only recently discovered farinha. farinha. They'd given it to us during the march. It was ca.s.sava flour, dry and coa.r.s.e. If you mixed it with water, it tripled in volume and cut your appet.i.te. It came from Brazil, which made me think we must be somewhere far in the southeast of the Amazon region. They'd given it to us during the march. It was ca.s.sava flour, dry and coa.r.s.e. If you mixed it with water, it tripled in volume and cut your appet.i.te. It came from Brazil, which made me think we must be somewhere far in the southeast of the Amazon region.

Pinchao easily got hold of a supply of nylon line and hooks; he often helped the fishermen in the camp, and they liked him. I set about making some new mini-cruseros mini-cruseros and getting some flotation devices, and I collected all of our cigarettes, much more easily now because Lucho had stopped smoking after his heart attack. I used them for barter with Ma.s.simo, an old black man from the Pacific coast; he had a good heart, and he liked Lucho, because his family had always voted for him. and getting some flotation devices, and I collected all of our cigarettes, much more easily now because Lucho had stopped smoking after his heart attack. I used them for barter with Ma.s.simo, an old black man from the Pacific coast; he had a good heart, and he liked Lucho, because his family had always voted for him.

When we heard rumors that the army was in the region, we knew we could be moving camp. We quickly got together to figure out how to distribute our extra food supplies, eight pounds of chocolate and farinha. farinha. Carrying them would be a torture. Carrying them would be a torture.

Lucho could not commit to taking on more weight than his present load. My load capacity was around zero.

"Never mind, we'll have to throw out the rest. We'll get new supplies in the next camp," I declared, too boldly.

"No, it's out of the question. If need be, I'll carry everything," said Pinchao.

Enrique ordered us on a new march. For days we struggled through a labyrinth of creepers so entangled that the opening the scout made with the machete closed on itself immediately and it was impossible to find the way. We had to form a human chain to keep the pa.s.sage open, and this required constant concentration from all of us, without respite. Then we had to clamber down a wall 150 feet high and repeat the effort, up and down, again and again, because the wall extended all along the river and in some places it was the only way to advance.

Pinchao was scrambling like an ant, furious to be so loaded, and I prayed that he wouldn't drop the bars of chocolate on my head. He showed up with his feet bleeding and the straps of his equipo equipo cutting into his shoulders. cutting into his shoulders.

"I'm fed up!" he shouted, throwing his backpack angrily to one side. Then the guard announced that a bongo bongo would be coming for us at nightfall. Only then, Pinchao agreed to keep our precious supplies. would be coming for us at nightfall. Only then, Pinchao agreed to keep our precious supplies.

We landed in a sinister place. Swamps with slimy brown water extended from a murky river. Trees leaned into the water as if they were being stifled by fetid green moss. The sun hardly shone through the tropical canopy.

SEVENTY.

PINCHAO'S ESCAPE "I have a bad feeling about this place. It is cursed," I murmured to Lucho.

We all fell sick. At twilight I was lying cramped in my hammock, and I felt as if I were being caught up by a centrifugal force that was sucking me out from within, making me tremble from my neck to my toes, like someone in a rocket ready to blast off. I had contracted malaria. We had all come down with it. I knew it was a filthy disease. I had already seen my companions shaking with convulsions, their skin shriveling on their bones.

But what the body was preparing once the convulsions ceased was even worse. Acute fever pulled on your ligaments like the strings on a bow and left you motionless, your entire body shrill, as if a dentist's drill were boring into an exposed nerve. In a trance, after having to wait in excruciating pain for the guard to give the alert and for someone else to find the keys and another guard to come and open my padlock, I had to get up, in agony, and dart to the chontos, chontos, overwhelmed by a flood of diarrhea. overwhelmed by a flood of diarrhea.

Afterward I was surprised to be still alive. The guerrilla in charge of medical supplies came in the morning, wanting to question whether it was indeed malaria. He agreed to put me on medication only after three crises identical to the first one, and when I thought I was already dead.

He arrived like a wizard with his boxes of various drugs. For two days I took two huge tablets that smelled like bleach, then little black pills-three on the third day, two on the fourth, three again, and finally just one to finish the treatment.

It seemed crazy, but I wasn't about to disobey orders. The only thing that really mattered to me was the ibuprofen. He gave it sparingly, counting every pill, and it was the only antidote to the painful bar above my eyes that pressed against my sinuses, skewed my vision, and muddled my thinking.

Convalescence was slow. My first gesture when I came back to life was to wash my hammock, my clothes, and my blanket. I put up a laundry line in the one place where the sun seemed to be making its way through. I went there after my bath with my burden, too heavy for me, wanting to get the task behind me quickly. Angel was lurking at his guard post, spying on my every move. The moment I started hanging the laundry on the rope, he pounced on me.

"Get that out of here. You have no right to put up your laundry here."

I was speechless.

"Take it down immediately, I said. You're not allowed out of the perimeter of the camp."

"What perimeter? I don't see any perimeter. Everybody puts lines up next to their caletas- caletas-why can't I?"

"Because I said so."

I looked at the rope and wondered how I would manage with all that laundry in my arms. A sour voice called out, "Making trouble again? Chain her up!"

It was Monster, arriving on cue.

Ma.s.simo, on guard on the other side of the camp, saw everything. After his s.h.i.+ft he came over. In his sleeve he had hidden a bar of chocolate he owed me-I had given him a pack of cigarettes in exchange for a bar of chocolate, and he hadn't yet paid his debt.

"I don't like to see them treating you like that. It really upsets me."

I didn't know what to say.

"I feel like a prisoner here, too. There are days I feel like I'd like to leave."

"Leave with me," I said, thinking of t.i.to.

"No, it's really tough. I'll get killed."

"You'll get killed here, too. Think about it. There's a big reward on our heads. More money than you've ever seen in your life. And I'll help you to get out of the country. You'll come and live with me in France. France is a beautiful country."

"It's dangerous, very dangerous." He looked around nervously.

"Think about it, Ma.s.simo, and give me your answer quickly."

In the evening when I was already chained up in my hammock, Ma.s.simo came over to me.

"It's me, don't say anything," he whispered. "We'll leave together. Shake my hand."

"There are two others with me."

"Three is too many!"

"Take it or leave it."

"I'll go with two, not three."

"There are three of us."

"Let me see, we need a boat and a GPS."

"I'm counting on you, Ma.s.simo."

"Trust me, trust me," he whispered, shaking my hand.

With a guide we were sure to make it. I couldn't wait for dawn to share the news.

"We have to be very careful. He could betray us. We have to ask for some guarantee," warned Lucho.

Pinchao remained silent for a long while. "Already three would be difficult. But four, that's impossible," he said finally.

"We'll see. For the time being, the main thing is for you to learn to swim."

He devoted himself to the task. During the bathing time I supported him beneath his stomach to simulate the sensation of floating and showed him how to hold his breath underwater. Then Armando took him under his wing. One morning Pinchao called to me, overjoyed. "Look!"

That day Pinchao became a swimmer and Monster ordered my chains removed for the entire day. I regained courage: Once again escape became a possibility.

Luck continued to smile on us. Pinchao had offered to make a drawing in one of the guards' notebooks. As he was leafing through it, he found precise instructions for making a compa.s.s copied out in childish handwriting. It was simple. You had to magnetize a needle and place it on a surface of water. The needle would swing to line up in a north-south axis. And the rest you could figure out from the position of the sun.

"We have to try."

We settled inside my tent, on the pretext that we wanted to sew a jacket, a project that I'd had in mind for some time, to run away in something lighter and better adapted to the jungle. Everybody was always sewing something; no one would suspect anything.

We filled an empty deodorant bottle with water and magnetized our needle by rubbing it against the speakers of Pinchao's panela. panela. The needle floated on the level surface of the liquid, turned, and pointed northward. Pinchao hugged me. The needle floated on the level surface of the liquid, turned, and pointed northward. Pinchao hugged me.

"It's our key out of here," he said.

The next morning he came back and sat down, once again to play at being a tailor. My plan was to remove the seams from two identical pairs of pants, one belonging to Lucho and another that I'd been given. I wanted to recycle the fabric and the thread to make my jacket. Pinchao showed me a way to pull out lengths of thread long enough to be used again, a process that required infinite patience. While we were busy at our task, he said, "I've broken my chain. It's perfect. You can't tell. I'm ready to leave right away. We have everything we need."

Lucho and I had to figure out a way to get free of our chains during the night. The trick would be to ensure that the links of the chains were not too tight around our neck-we needed to attach them with nylon thread to eliminate the gap between them. Once we broke the thread, the chain would grow longer and we would be able to put our heads through. With luck, the guard closing the lock at night wouldn't notice.

"I'll try it," promised Lucho.

That night when I got up to pee, the guard who was on duty right next to my caleta caleta insulted me. "I'll make you stop wanting to get up during the night! I'll put a bullet in your p.u.s.s.y!" insulted me. "I'll make you stop wanting to get up during the night! I'll put a bullet in your p.u.s.s.y!"

I'd often had to swallow their vulgar taunts. It was stupid. I should really have felt contempt for them, but instead I felt outrage.

"Who was the guard next to me last night?" I asked the guerrilla who showed up in the morning to unfasten our padlocks.

"It was me."

Jairo was a smiling young kid, always courteous.

"You were shouting those obscenities at me last night?"

He puffed up his lungs, swayed his hip to one side as if to defy me, and proudly said, "Yes, it was me."

Without thinking I grabbed him by the neck and pushed him, spitting in his face. "You stupid jerk, you think you're so strong with your big rifle? I'll teach you how to behave like a man. I warn you, do it again and I'll kill you."

He was trembling. My anger vanished as quickly as it had come. Suddenly I found it hard not to laugh. I shoved him again. "Now get out of here."

He was careful to leave the chain around my neck, out of revenge. Never mind. I was pleased. I had warned them any number of times. They never dared to address the men in such a coa.r.s.e way, because they knew that the reaction could easily be a fist in a jaw. But with me they liked to play rough; a woman's reaction could always be ridiculed. My outburst was reckless. I could have ended up with a black eye. I'd been lucky-Jairo was a short kid with a slow wit.

As soon as he was out of sight, I began thinking about the reprisals that might ensue. I waited, indifferent. Nothing they did could affect me. Their ruthlessness had made me grow insensitive.

I was having my breakfast, leaning against my tree, when Pinchao arrived. He reached his hand toward me, ceremoniously, and said, "Chinita, estoy muy orgulloso de ti." "Chinita, estoy muy orgulloso de ti."81 He knew what had happened, and I was eager to hear what he'd have to say. He knew what had happened, and I was eager to hear what he'd have to say.

"Those chains you are wearing, wear them proudly, because they're the most glorious of medals. Not one of us would have dared to do what you did. I feel vindicated!"

I took him by the hand, touched by his words. He added in a whisper, "There's been a delivery of boots. Make a hole in yours so that they'll give you some new ones. With the old ones, we can make little boots for our departure. We'll say we need them for gym. I'll tell Lucho."

Before long, Monster came by to check the condition of our boots and ask us our sizes.

"You won't be getting any," he said when he saw me.

When Ma.s.simo came into our enclosure to take up his s.h.i.+ft, I asked permission to go to the chontos. chontos. He came with keys to open the padlock. "Well, Ma.s.simo?" He came with keys to open the padlock. "Well, Ma.s.simo?"

"We're leaving tonight."

"Okay. Find me some boots."

"I'll bring them. If anyone asks you, you say they're your old ones."