Aftershock. Part 11

I swallowed past the painful lump in my throat. "Weeks ago. And again this afternoon. I'm so sorry, Jax. I should never have contacted her. I had no idea..."

He stared at me, unblinking, his body so still I knew I'd knocked his legs right out from under him. "Sit down," he ordered, with dangerous softness. "And tell me what the f.u.c.k you're talking about."

I practically fell into the seat in front of his desk, my knees shaking from the way he looked at me. His dark eyes were like a shark's, hard and lifeless. "Remember when I said I was going to do some research and-"

"You went to a G.o.dd.a.m.ned reporter?" He surged to his feet and slapped his palms down hard on his desktop. "Are you insane?"

"I contacted Deanna as a friend. Before you talked to me about never having privacy again!"

"Do you realize what you've done? How much damage this might cause? My mother's disease was never supposed to become fodder for the f.u.c.king media!"

"Jax..." I stood, then flinched when he shoved away from his desk so violently he knocked his desk chair over. "I know this is terribly personal-and painful-but a lot of families are impacted by mental illness. People are going to understand and-"

"She wasn't crazy, Gia," he said coldly. "She was a drunk."

The venom in his voice took me aback.

He faced the window. "She couldn't handle the pressure."

That single statement told me so much. My eyes burned as memories coalesced in my mind and were refracted back with a clarity I'd lacked before. "Alcoholism is an illness, Jax. You said it yourself."

"She was weak." His arms crossed. "She married the wrong man for what she wanted."

"They loved each other. That's what you told me before."

He shrugged. "Parker is trying to change the world. She would've preferred him to just change the light bulb or a channel on the television."

"She didn't like politics?"

"She didn't like the life that goes with them." Jax faced me. "Agendas require allies and allies require compromises. She didn't like some of the compromises that had to be made. Alcohol was liquid courage for her. She used it as a crutch."

I deflated into my chair, overloaded by the emotional highs and lows I'd bounced between all day. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with Jax and hold him, but I knew he'd never let me help. That stung.

"Jax... When you said someone you loved had been torn up by the stress, you were talking about her, weren't you?"

He flinched, and I finally felt like I had a shot at understanding him. I certainly understood why he'd been such an a.s.s about the drink I'd had at Rossi's...and why there was suddenly no alcohol in the apartment. If he thought the situation with Ted and my dad was enough to drive me to drink, he'd worry about how future-more stressful-incidences would affect me. And I couldn't forget that we'd met in a bar...

"She was a lot like you," he said in a tone that wasn't complimentary at all. "Her family...her expectations of what a relations.h.i.+p with my dad would be like. She thought that being politically aware and active was a choice, instead of a responsibility."

I felt the need to defend Leslie Rutledge, a woman I would never meet but still sympathized with. It wasn't easy living with the rules Jax set but didn't always share. "If she was kept in the dark like me, I don't blame her for not being on the same page with the rest of you."

"My dad told her everything, that was his mistake. He wanted her approval, but all he did was alienate her. Sometimes the end justifies the means, and the means can be ugly."

I took a shaky breath. "You're so angry with her."

"I have a right to be! She tried to make me choose between her vision and my father's. No one should be forced into that position, least of all a teenager." He rolled his shoulders back. "I can't get into this with you now. I've got to do...something. Damage control. If that's even possible."

"What can I do?"

Closing his eyes, he bowed his head. The defeat in his posture broke my heart, but his next words cut me wide open. "You should go stay with your brothers tonight. And pack a couple days' worth of clothes."

Pain made me lash out in self-defense. "Did you cut your mom off like this, too? Is that how you deal with the people who love you when they inconvenience you?"

"For all of her faults," he bit out between clenched teeth, "she never sabotaged us!"

"That's not fair! I made a mistake, Jax, and I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. But I made it because I love you, not because I wanted to hurt you."

He opened his eyes. "This whole relations.h.i.+p has been a mistake."

The flat finality in his voice sent ice coursing through my veins. "You know what, Jackson Rutledge? f.u.c.k you.

9.

"I GET WHY you did it," Nico said, "but I'd be seriously p.i.s.sed if a chick I was seeing sicced some investigator after me."

My brother's voice and the background sound of a busy evening at Rossi's anch.o.r.ed my nerves.

"We're not seeing each other," I argued, staring at the half-packed suitcase waiting at my side, reminding me that things were in a precarious place with Jax and me. "We live together."

"That's worse. You have to ask a woman outside of your relations.h.i.+p for news about the guy you're shacked up with? That's some whack s.h.i.+t, Gianna. I'm gonna ask you again: is this really the way you want to be living?"

I scowled at him through the phone. "No, of course not."

"Then get the f.u.c.k out of there and hook up with a decent guy who gives you what you want."

"I tried that. It didn't happen for me."

He snorted. "Try harder."

"Can you stop being so negative for a minute and help me find a way out of this mess? Why is it that guys are always trying to problem solve when we just want to vent? Then, when we do want solutions, they've got nothin'?"

"The solution to being with the wrong guy is to leave. There. Solved."

I growled. "I'm thinking the problem is Deanna."

"I never liked that b.i.t.c.h," Nico said, startling me. He didn't often speak in a derogatory way about women-our mother had raised my brothers to be gentlemen. "Vincent never liked her much either. He just put up with her because she was crazy in bed. Liked some kink and bondage."

"Eww." I shook my head. "TMI, Nico. Seriously. And it's kinda uncool that you guys are sharing that level of detail with each other. Whatever happened to privacy?"

"Hey, I didn't ask to see those photos she was s.e.xting to him. Told him to take it into his room. Anyway, he should've warned you about her. She'd told him once that she started her career by sleeping with prominent married men, and then using pillow talk and extortion, if necessary, to get leads out of them."

I stared at the closed bedroom door, frozen by a flash of an idea.

"So..." my brother went on, "should I head up there this weekend and help you move your stuff out?"

"Not yet." I stood and walked to the bag where I kept my laptop. "Let me call you back."

"If I can't answer, I'll call you back."

With half my focus on something else, I still couldn't miss how wonderful Nico was. I had a lot of blessings in my life, but my brothers definitely topped the list. "Ti amo, fratello."

"Love you, too."

Shoving my phone into my pocket, I grabbed my laptop out of its carrying case and sat on the bench at the foot of the bed. I surfed to the cloud and sent up a silent prayer asking for Vincent not to have changed his pa.s.sword since he'd given it to me once months ago.

He hadn't.

I had a hard moment of indecision, weighing my options. Either way, someone I loved was going to get hurt.

In the end, the public nature of Deanna's threat won out.

I got into Vincent's account, clicked on the photo alb.u.m that synced with his phone, and immediately wanted to scour my eyeb.a.l.l.s. There were some things a girl just didn't want to think about her brothers knowing. Or doing.

I downloaded all the racy photos of Deanna-wondering why Vincent had kept them after their breakup-and then I sent her a text telling her to call me ASAP for info she'd want to hear.

With shaking hands, I started unpacking. Jax didn't believe I was strong enough to share his life and it was up to me to prove him wrong. I could do that. I would do that. And then he wouldn't feel like he had to hide things from me because I couldn't handle it.

I heard Jax's voice outside the door, growing louder as he approached. "I get it, Dad, but I'm going after Gianna now-"

The door opened and Jax strode in, pausing midstep when he caught sight of me. Parker was fast on his heels, but he stopped when he saw me, his mouth closing before he said whatever he'd been about to say.

With a nod of acknowledgment, Parker caught the doork.n.o.b and pulled the door shut. Jax locked the door.

My smartphone started ringing. Deanna's name appeared on the screen. Holding Jax's gaze, I answered with a curt "Gianna Rossi."

"What's up?" Deanna asked, sounding distracted and impatient.

"h.e.l.lo to you, too, Deanna."

Jax's gaze narrowed.

I took a deep breath, knowing I needed to pull off the bluff of my life. "I'll make this quick-either you kill the Rutledge story or I post X-rated pictures of you on every revenge p.o.r.n site known to man."

Jax's nostrils flared on a sharply indrawn breath.

"Bulls.h.i.+t," Deanna hissed.

"Is it?" I asked. "You want to take that chance?"

"Those photos are private property!"

"You're throwing privacy in my face?"

"Two totally different things, Gianna! The Rutledge family gave up any expectation of privacy when they decided to take a stab at controlling this country."

"You're taking it too far."

"And you're not? There are laws against revenge p.o.r.n. You post those pictures, and it'll come back on you and the Rutledges. You'll be the enemy then."

"There are laws against extortion, too," I said tightly, "but that didn't stop you. There are ways of finding out who you're squeezing for information, just as there are ways to hide how those pictures of you make it online."

My lies were spinning into a cl.u.s.terf.u.c.k, but I couldn't stop.

She sucked in her breath. "I don't know what you think you've got on me-"

"I've got enough." My hand fisted around my phone. "Kill the story, Deanna, or I kill your reputation-your choice."

"I can't pull the story! It's too late."

"That's too bad for you." I hung up.

Jax stared at me. "What are you doing?"

"Not sure. I'm winging it." My phone rang again and I answered.

"How can you do this?" Deanna's voice was laced with panic. "One woman to another, how can you?"

I couldn't ask myself that same question, because I'd back off if I did. I had sent Jax suggestive pictures before. Nothing as extreme as Deanna's, but still...I'd be mortified if any of them ever got out. "Give me another choice."

"This isn't your business! Jackson Rutledge is a big boy. Let him fight his own battles."

"I would, if I weren't responsible for this mess to begin with."

Jax started toward me.

Deanna groaned. "You're going to take me to the mat for a guy who won't tell you jack about himself? Do you think he'd care if the situation were reversed? He'd distance himself so quick your head would spin. Don't think he wouldn't!"

She'd picked the wrong time to throw that scenario at me, because the look in Jax's eyes at that moment was fierce with love. Right then, I was pretty sure he'd do anything for me.

"This conversation is over," I told her, needing to end it before I wavered. Yes, she was an opportunistic b.i.t.c.h, but what I'd threatened to do didn't put me on higher ground. "You know the deal."

I hung up a split second before Jax grabbed me and crushed me so close I could hardly breathe.

"Jesus, Gia." His lips pressed hard against my temple. "I wasn't expecting you to- I didn't want- f.u.c.k."

I hugged him back, holding on tight. He was right; I hadn't fought for him the first time we broke up. I wasn't going to make that mistake twice. "We'll get through this. Right?"

There was a plea in my voice. I hated hearing it, but I had a knot in my stomach that wouldn't quit. I had a horrible feeling that the worst was still ahead of us.

Jax leaned his head against me, his entire body heavy with weariness. "I'm sorry, baby. I was p.i.s.sed off at everything and everyone except you, but you were the easy target. I was an a.s.s."