The Complete Works of Josh Billings - LightNovelsOnl.com
You're reading novel online at LightNovelsOnl.com. Please use the follow button to get notifications about your favorite novels and its latest chapters so you can come back anytime and won't miss anything.
Care--Cat pizen.
Faith--The soul riding anchor.
Bliss--Happiness bileing over and running down both sides ov the pot.
Marriage--An alter on whitch man lays hiz pocketbook and woman her luv letters.
Quack--A doktor whoze science lays in hiz bill.
Hash--A boarding-hous confidence game.
Fuss--An old hen with one chicken.
Twins--2 mutch.
Boarding-School--A place whare wry coffee and flirtashun iz taught.
Experiment--Energy out ov a job.
Perfection--G.o.d in man.
Virtue--That ingredient whitch needs no foil, and without whitch nothing else iz valuabel.
Solitude--A good place tew visit, but a poor place tew stay.
Sloth--Life in a tomb.
Health--A call loan.
Memory--The shadow that the soul casts.
Politeness--Sixty day paper.
Poverty--The only birthright that a man kant lose.
Accidents--The dismay ov phools, the wize man's barometer.
Ease--Discounted time.
Wealth--Baggage at the risk ov the owner.
Trials--Whetstuns.
Fortune--The aggregate ov possibilitys; a G.o.ddess whom cowards count by stealth, but whom brave men take by storm.
Economy--A fust mortgage on wealth.
Enough--Jist a leetle more.
Dignity--Wisdum in tights.
Mischief--The maliss ov fun.
Cook--One who manufakters appetights.
Diseases--The whipping posts and branding irons ov luxury.
Drunkenness--Shame lost and shame found.
Cowardice--Pluck on ice.
Glutton--A man with a drunken appetight.
Examples--Foot prints in the wilderness.
Nunnery--Piety in chains.
Ignorance--Raw happiness.
Sin--A natral distemper, for which virtew haz bin discovered to be an antidote.
Friends.h.i.+p--One ov love's pimps.
Envy--A disease original with Cain, but which hiz brother Abel afterward caught, and died suddenly ov.
Belle--A female boss ov the situation.
Fancy--The flirtashun ov truth.
Sarcasm--An undertaker in tears.
Sulks--Deff and dum madness.
Courting--A hugg and kiss match, generally a drawn game.
Fiction--A lie with holiday clothes on.
Hen--A lay member.
Law--The shackels ov liberty.
Science--The literature ov truth.
Deceit--A ded wasp with a live tail.
Babys--Dividend.
Miser--A wretch who haz dug out hiz heart tew sto away hiz munny in.
