Plain Facts for Old and Young Part 9

Living in close a.s.sociation for years with his wife, who was slowly dying with disease of the lungs, it was quite possible for him to have received the disease from her. So many cases of this kind have been reported that it is now generally believed by medical men that consumption is communicable from one person to another by the reception into the system of the well person of the exhalations from the lungs of the person affected.

Another point worthy of mention here is the well-known fact that the intimate a.s.sociation of married people modifies even the physical form of both. Almost every one has noticed how much alike in appearance married people who have lived many years together come to be. This physical change undoubtedly extends further than to the features only.

The whole const.i.tution is modified.

A remarkable ill.u.s.tration of this fact is found in the frequent observation that the children of a woman by a second husband often resemble in appearance the first husband much more than their own father.

It has been observed that the children of negro women, even by husbands of pure negro blood, are much lighter in color than usual if she has had a child by a white man previously.

The same fact is observed in lower animals. In England, some years ago, a cross was effected between a male zebra and several young mares. Not only the hybrid colts resulting from this union, but all the colts afterward foaled by the same mares, from other horses, were striped like the zebra.

In view of these facts, it is evident that the system of the woman, at least, may be profoundly affected in a similar manner by const.i.tutional weaknesses, as well as by other individual peculiarities possessed by her husband.

No person suffering with a contagious or infectious disease has any right to communicate the same to another. Indeed, it is the moral duty of every person so affected to do all in his power for the protection of others from the same cause of suffering.

_2. Persons having a marked hereditary tendency to disease must not marry those having a similar tendency._

Every physician knows only too well the powerful influence of hereditary causes in determining the length of human life. Persons, one or both of whose parents have died of consumption, are very likely to die of the same disease, and frequently at about the same age. The children of such parents are commonly feeble and puny, and die early if they survive infancy. When both parents possess the consumptive tendency, the chance for life in the offspring is very poor indeed.

The same may be said of those suffering with cancer, epilepsy, insanity, etc. Persons with a strong tendency to any one of the diseases mentioned should in no case marry. If there is but a slight morbid tendency, marriage may be admissible, but only with a partner possessing robust health.

_3. Should cousins marry?_

Writers have devoted a good deal of attention to this subject, and we have been shown statistics, reports of imbecile asylums, etc., for the purpose of proving that the marriage of cousins results in the production of idiots, and other defectives; but the results of more careful examinations of the subject invalidate the views heretofore held, and it must be acknowledged that when both parties are healthy there is no more liability of mental incompetency in the children of cousins, than in the offspring of persons more remotely related. It must be added, however, that there are other reasons why the marriage of cousins is not to be generally recommended. Besides the fact that the feeling existing between cousins is often only that which is felt by brothers and sisters for each other, there is the still more important fact that on account of the blood relation, unions of this kind are more apt than others to bring together persons having similar morbid tendencies.

_4. Persons having serious congenital deformities should not marry._

The reason for this rule is obvious. Persons suffering with serious congenital defects, as natural blindness, deafness, deformity of the limbs, or defective development of any part, will be more or less likely to transmit the same deformities or deficiencies to their children.

There are, of course, cases of natural blindness, as well as of disability in other respects, to which this rule does not apply, the natural process of development not being seriously defective. It has even been observed that there is a slight tendency to the reproduction in the offspring, of deformity which has been artificially produced in the parents, and has existed for a long time.

Many ancient nations observed this rule. Infants born cripples were strangled at birth or left to die. A Spartan king was once required by his people to pay a heavy fine for taking a wife who was inferior in size.

_5. Criminals should not marry._

It has been satisfactorily shown by thorough and scientific investigation that criminals often receive their evil proclivities from their parents. What are known as the criminal cla.s.ses, which are responsible for the greater part of the crime committed, are constantly and greatly on the increase. There is no doubt but that inheritance is largely responsible for the continued increase of crime and criminals. A drunkard begets in his child a thirst for liquor, which is augmented by the mother's use of ale or lager during gestation and nursing, and the child enters the world with a natural taste for intoxicants. A thief transmits to his offspring a secretive, dishonest, sneaking disposition; and the child comes into the world ticketed for the State prison by the nearest route. So with other evil tendencies.

By legislation or by some other means, measures should be speedily adopted for the prevention of this rapid increase of criminals, if there is any feasible plan which can be adopted. We offer no suggestion on this point, but it is one well worthy of the consideration of philanthropic statesmen.

_6. Persons who are greatly disproportionate in size should not marry._

While good taste would suggest the propriety of this rule, there are important physiological reasons for its observance. While the lack of physical adapt.i.tude may be the occasion of much suffering and unhappiness in such unions, especially on the part of the wife, being even productive of most serious local disease, and sometimes of sterility, it is in childbirth that the greatest risk and suffering is incurred. More might be said on this point, but this is sufficient for those who are willing to profit by a useful hint.

_7. Persons between whom there is great disparity of age should not marry._

The reasons for this have already been given at length, and we will not repeat. In general, the husband should be older than the wife, from two to five years. The husband may often be ten or twelve years the senior of the wife; but when more than that, the union is not likely to be a profitable or happy one, if it is not absolutely productive of suffering and unhappiness. The ancient Greeks required that the husband should be twenty years older than the wife; but this custom was no more reasonable than that of another nation which required that only old and young should marry, so that the sobriety of the old might restrain the frivolity of the young.

_8. Persons who are extremely unlike in temperament should not marry._

Persons who are so unlike in temperament and tastes as to have no mutual enjoyments, no congeniality of feeling, will be incompatible as husband and wife, and the union of such persons will be anything but felicitous.

No definite rule can be laid down; but those seeking a companion for life would do well to bear this caution in mind, at the same time remembering that too great similarity of character, especially when there are prominent defects, is equally undesirable.

_9. Marriage between widely different races is unadvisable._

While there is no moral precept directly involved in marriage between widely different nations, as between whites and blacks or Indians, experience shows that such marriages are not only not conducive to happiness, but are detrimental to the offspring. It has been proven beyond room for question that mulattoes are not so long-lived as either blacks or whites.

_10. Persons who are unable to sustain themselves or a family should not marry._

Both moral and social obligations--if the two obligations may exist independently--forbid marriage to a young man who is scarcely able to provide for himself, much less to support a wife and a family. The theory advocated by some that two can live almost as cheaply as one, so that a saving will be made by a union of two in marriage, is a most fallacious one. There may be occasional exceptions, but in general, young people who marry with this idea in their heads find that they have reasoned not wisely. It will not be disputed that a married couple may live upon what is often spent foolishly by a young man; but a young man can be economical if he will; and if he does not learn economy before marriage, it is likely that he never will learn it.

The marriage of paupers, to beget pauper children and foist them upon the community for support, is an outrage against society. We believe it is not improper to speak out plainly upon this subject, and in no uncertain tone, notwithstanding the popular prejudice which cries, "Hush, be quiet; don't interfere with individual rights, don't disturb the peace of society," whenever anything is said which has a bearing on a regard for propriety in matters relating to one of the most ancient, the most sacred, and the most abused of all divinely appointed human inst.i.tutions. We have never been able to account for this strange averseness to the consideration of this phase of the matrimonial question, and the determined effort often made to ignore it whenever it is broached. We purpose to speak out, notwithstanding the feeling referred to, since we believe this to be a crying evil; and we have no fears but that we shall have the hearty indors.e.m.e.nt of every individual who can so far lay aside his prejudices as to allow his native common sense a fair chance to influence his judgment.

In the country of Iceland, a land which is scarcely more than semi-civilized, if a young man wishes to marry, the first thing to be considered is his pecuniary situation. Before he can take to himself a wife, he must appear before the proper authority and present evidence that he is able to support a wife and family in addition to providing for himself. Even the barbarous natives of Patagonia show an equal degree of good sense, the chief of each tribe requiring that every young man who wishes to marry shall first prove himself competent to provide for a family, having attained the requisite degree of proficiency in hunting and fis.h.i.+ng, and having possessed himself of at least two horses and the necessary equipments.

In this country,--a civilized, so-called Christian country, blessed with all the enlightenment of the nineteenth century, what do we see?

Instead of any regulation of the sort, the utmost indifference to such clearly important considerations. If young people profess to love each other and wish to marry, no one of their friends thinks of asking, "How are they going to live after they are married? Has the young man a trade?

Has the young lady been so educated as to be self-sustaining if necessary? Has the young man a home or the wherewithal to obtain one?

Has he a good situation, with prospects of being able to support his wife comfortably and provide for a family?" These, or similar questions are sometimes asked, but little respect is paid to them by any one, least of all by the young people themselves, who ought to be most interested. The minister never inquires respecting the propriety of the wedding at which he is to officiate, and invokes the blessings of Heaven upon a union which, for aught he knows, may be the grossest violation of immutable laws, Heaven-implanted in the const.i.tution of the human race. The friends tender their congratulations and wishes of "much joy," when in three cases out of four the conditions are such that a preponderance of grief is an inevitable certainty, and "much joy" an utter impossibility.

There are exceptions to all general rules; but it is a fact of which almost any one may convince himself that a man or a woman seldom rises much higher than the level reached at marriage. If a young man has no trade then, it is more than probable that he will never be master of one. If he has not fitted himself for a profession, he will most likely never attain to such a rank in society. He will, in all probability, be a common laborer, living "from hand to mouth," with nothing laid by for a rainy day.

A wag says that a young couple just married, and for the first time awakened to the full consciousness of the fact that they must provide for themselves or starve, held the following dialogue: Husband. "Well, wife, what are we going to do? How shall we live?" Wife. "Oh, my dear, we shall get along very well, I am sure; you love me, don't you?" H.

"Certainly, dear, but we cannot live on love." W. "We can live on bread and water; so long as we have each other, it doesn't matter much what we have to eat." "That's so, my dear; well, you furnish the bread, and I will skirmish around after the water." This exact dialogue may never have taken place; but the circ.u.mstances which might have called it out have occurred thousands of times. How many times has a dependent woman who had hastily married an improvident husband awakened at the end of a short honeymoon to find that she had only a limber stick or a broken reed to lean upon, instead of a self-reliant, independent, self-sustaining man, able to provide for her the comforts of a home and to protect her from the rudeness and suffering of privation and want.

In our estimation it is as much a sin for a man to a.s.sume the obligation of caring for a wife and family when he has no reasonable grounds for believing himself able to do so, as for a man to go in debt a few hundreds or thousands of dollars, and agree to pay the same when required, though perfectly well aware that he will probably be unable to do so. Hence we say again, with emphasis, the improvident should not marry; and we shall insist upon urging this truth, notwithstanding the fact that the very cla.s.s of persons referred to are usually of all cla.s.ses the most anxious to enter the matrimonial state at the earliest possible moment, and the most certain to bring into the world large families of children still more improvident than themselves.

_11. Do not marry a person whose moral character will not bear the closest scrutiny._

By this we do not mean that absolute perfection should be required, as this would interdict marriage altogether; but we wish to warn every young man against marrying a young woman who treats lightly or contemptuously matters which should be treated with profound respect; who uses the name of Deity flippantly or rudely; who treats her parents disrespectfully; who never cares to talk of subjects of a spiritual nature; who is giddy, gay, dressy, thoughtless, fickle. Such a young woman will never make a loving, patient, faithful, helpful wife.

We wish also to warn every young woman against choosing for a husband a man who has a strong leaning toward infidelity; who does not believe in human responsibility; who makes a mock of religion; who is addicted to profanity; who is either grossly intemperate or given to moderate tippling, be it ever so little, so long as he does not believe in and practice total abstinence; who uses tobacco; who is a jockey, a fop, a loafer, a scheming dreamer, or a speculator; who is known to be unchaste, or who has led a licentious life.

The man who has no love for his Maker will be likely to have little for his wife and children. He who does not acknowledge his responsibility to a higher power will soon forget his obligations to the wife he has promised to love and cherish. The man who is not willing to sacrifice the gratification afforded by such pernicious habits as dram-drinking and tobacco-using to insure the comfort and happiness of his wife and children, is too selfish to make any woman a kind husband.

There is no greater error abroad than that held by not a few that "a reformed rake makes the best husband." The man whose affections have been consumed in the fires of unhallowed l.u.s.t is incapable of giving to a pure-minded woman the love that she expects and deserves. A person cannot pa.s.s through the fire unscathed. The scars burned into the character by the flames of concupiscence are as deep and lasting as those inflicted upon the body, and even more so. Only "in the regeneration" will the marks and scars of the reformed reprobate be wholly effaced.

We willingly grant that there have been numerous instances in which n.o.ble women have by years of patient effort reformed their erring husbands, restoring them to the paths of virtue and sobriety from which they had wandered. We do not deny that it can be done again; but we do not hesitate to say that the experiment is a most perilous one for any woman to undertake, and one which not more than one woman in a hundred can bring to a successful termination. The hazard is terrible.

Perhaps it is on this very account that many young women run the risk; but they rarely understand what they are doing. The woman who marries a drunkard will, ten chances to one, die a heart-broken drunkard's wife, or follow her husband to a drunkard's grave. It is never safe for a woman to marry a man who has been for years an habitual drunkard, since he may relapse at any time; and the man who has only indulged moderately should be thoroughly reformed and tested before the chances are taken "for better or worse." Let him prove himself well first. A proposition to reform on condition of marriage should be dismissed with disdain.

If a young man will not determine to do right because it is right, his motives are sordid; and the probability is very great that so soon as some stronger incentive appeals to his selfishness, he will forget his vows and promises and relapse into his former vices.

Do Not Be in a Hurry.--In conclusion, perhaps we could give no more important advice than this: _Do not be in a hurry to marry._ There is little danger that this advice will do harm, for ten ill.u.s.trations of the evil results of hasty marriage are seen to one in which the opposite mistake is made. It rarely happens that a marriage made without consideration and due deliberation on the part of both parties is a happy one in its results. There are exceptional cases in which this kind of matrimonial alliances result very satisfactorily; but these cases are quite exceptional. The business of selecting a partner for life, one who is expected to sustain the closest relation possible between human beings, who must be prepared to share in another's sorrows as well as joys, to sympathize with another's aspirations and appreciate another's motives and sentiments,--such a task is certainly one of the most serious of an individual's life and ought to be entered upon with calmness, deliberation, and unbiased judgment and entire self-control. When making a decision which must affect seriously an individual's whole life-time, pa.s.sion, caprice, and all motives calculated to bias the judgment, should be laid aside. The happiness and usefulness of a whole life-time may be marred by a word. There is too much pending to be in a hurry.

A certain philosopher once "compared a man about to marry to one who was about to put his hand into a sack in which were ninety-nine serpents and one eel; the moral of which is that there are ninety-nine chances to one against a fortunate selection." If this is true of a man about to marry, it is probably equally true that a woman under the same circ.u.mstances has nine hundred and ninety-nine chances against, for one in favor of, a fortunate selection.

CHASt.i.tY.

"Thou shalt not commit adultery." "Whosoever looketh on a woman to l.u.s.t after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

In these two scriptures we have a complete definition of unchast.i.ty.

The seventh commandment, with the Saviour's commentary upon it, places clearly before us the fact that chast.i.ty requires purity of thought as well as of outward acts. Impure thoughts and unchaste acts are alike violations of the seventh commandment. As we shall see, also, unchast.i.ty of the mind is a violation of natural law as well as of moral law, and is visited with physical punishment commensurate to the transgression.