DEAD(ish) Part 3

"'Salright," I say.

"Someone shot you because of something I did. I'm so sorry!"

Is she repeating herself? Or am I just really drugged up? I frown, and try to clear my brain through sheer willpowerish stuff.

"Linda?"

"Trent... you got shot because I did something to make people hate Mike. I'm so sorry!"

She is is repeating herself. repeating herself.

"Mike doesn't need any help, Linda, he's an a.r.s.ehole on legs."

She looks shocked.

"He is?"

f.u.c.k. b.l.o.o.d.y blind women. She didn't notice even after he killed her?

(Mike) "f.u.c.k-knuckle!"

I turn around. Hatchett. Great start to the f.u.c.king morning.

"Whaddya want, Hatch?"

"Lola wants her money, f.u.c.k-knuckle!"

"Then Lola shouldn't try to get me killed, should she?"

He shrugs.

"Lola's an impatient girl."

I roll my eyes. f.u.c.k, mafia movie with a drug-f.u.c.ked psycho chick playing G.o.dfather.

"Hatch, why the f.u.c.k are you doing a chick's bidding? You tied to her ap.r.o.n strings? She promised to tie you up and whip you when you get out, if you're a good boy?"

He sneers at me.

"Just get Lola's money, f.u.c.k-knuckle you got lucky this time. Next time, that accident might just hit you right right in the chest!" in the chest!"

He pokes me in the chest to make his point, and I slap it away. Hard.

"She'll get her money faster if she gets me the h.e.l.l outta here, Hatch. Tell her that and she might use the special studded whip, ya?"

His jaw tightens, and I know I've crossed the line. He hauls off and smacks me right in the jaw. Down I go, and all I remember is my head hitting the concrete and a sky full of stars.

(Linda) Stuff it. I don't care if I caused all this. It's not my fault. It's Mike's. HE'S the a.r.s.ehole, not me. I'm sitting in front of the computer, repeating this mantra 'Mike's the a.r.s.ehole, not me!'

You know, I think I'm starting to believe it!

Chapter 12.Obligatory Shower Scene

(Trent) Have you ever tried to get undressed without moving one arm and its shoulder? To put it simply it's b.l.o.o.d.y near impossible. I finish up struggling out of my PJs with a minimum of screaming and ditching the sling. My bottom lip hurts like h.e.l.l from me biting it, and I concentrate on that pain to distract myself from the stabbing fire moving through my shoulder and neck. By the time I'm into a shower and enjoying the feeling of being in less pain and and slightly clean, I have company. slightly clean, I have company.

"Hey, gorgeous!" purrs Linda.

I close my eyes and sigh. She's stark naked and substantial enough for me to feel her moving slightly against the front of my body, from my chest right down to the tops of my feet. She raises herself up on tiptoe and whispers a kiss over my lips.

"Hi Linda," I say, for lack of anything intelligent to say. "Umm... "

"Don't worry," she whispers in my ear, "I won't hurt ya, honey. I'm just here to offer a hand. See you when you get out, lover."

She giggles and disappears.

G.o.d. I couldn't help but be turned on, the wench, and any attempt to m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e would hurt like h.e.l.l.

"Wench!" I mutter, as I turn off the water.

"I heard that!" she calls from outside the cubicle.

I try not to laugh, it hurts too much. I eventually settle for a snort.

"I'll be good!" she says, "Now come out of there, I had a brilliant idea!"

I groan, because Linda's brilliant ideas are usually painful for someone, but carefully get out onto the bathmat. Linda's holding the hugest hairdrier I've ever seen.

"Just relax!" she says, and grins.

She aims the hairdrier at me and turns it on. And h.e.l.l, it actually works. Slowly but surely, I get toasty warm and dry.

"Spread em!" she demands.

"I'm fine!"

"You can't stay wet down there, Trent, your b.a.l.l.s'll go moldy!"

"You're not going to let this rest, are you?"

"f.u.c.k, no!" she says, with a huge grin on her face.

I shrug, and bite back a scream of pain.

"I've really got to stop doing that!" I squeeze out.

"Awww, poor Trenty-baby... now spread em!"

That girl's got a one-track mind.

Chapter 13.Dreaming

(Mike) I'm sitting in a spa bath with three other people, all of us naked, all of us downing shots of vodka and bourbon. We're all getting drunker and drunker, and friendlier and friendlier. Linda rests her head on Geordie's shoulder and slides her hand over his chest.

"Geordie baby, are you completely gay, or do you swing a little?"

"OH you naughty girl!" he squeals, "I'm all Laz's, darlin'!"

She looks over to Laz and grins, raising an eyebrow.

"Mind if I give him a test?"

Lazarus looks at Geordie, who shrugs a little and smiles.

"Only if I get to test out your your hunk, honey!" hunk, honey!"

She blows me a kiss.

"Oh, Mike's all mine... but I'm happy to lend him out... you need his leash on?"

Lazarus whistles and Geordie giggles and I blush.

"I think I can handle him, honey... what do you think, s.e.xy-legs?" he purrs, turning to me and slipping a hand further up my leg.

I shrug and wonder what I should be doing to stay in character. Probably keep acting shy, I think, but f.u.c.k it I've been wanting this piece of a.r.s.e for months. I draw back a little only to pounce, tangling his legs with mine to dunk him underwater, with me on top of him. I pull him up against my chest, and he spits out water and laughs.

"Linda, I think I should've asked for his leas.h.!.+"

Linda's not listening, though. She's in mid-snog with Geordie.

A few minutes later I'm in a world of bliss until Linda calls my name and Lazarus punches me in the groin, straight up into my prostrate. It hurts like f.u.c.king h.e.l.l and I scream and curl into a ball, wondering why Lazarus is so suddenly p.i.s.sed with me. Then I wake up and I'm in jail again, and Linda is standing by my bed, smirking.

"What's the matter, lover? Did I wake you from a nice dream?"

b.i.t.c.h.

Chapter 14.The Body

(Linda) Trent's decided to go all n.o.ble and chivalrous on me. h.e.l.l, why do men have to DO that at the worst possible time?

He's out of hospital, and he's barely looking after himself, and he's determined to continue with the case. My case. The one that nearly turned him into dead. I tried yelling at him, I tried arguing, I tried telling him he's a b.l.o.o.d.y idiot. But he just shrugged and said he was going to keep investigating. Stubborn little s.h.i.+t.

(Trent) Thank G.o.d, I'm out of the house. And better yet, Linda is off tormenting Mike, or something. She's a nice chick in some ways, Linda and a pain-in-the-a.r.s.e psycho chick in others. I think maybe I liked her better when she was moping. Now she's bustling around 'helping' me and she's got s.e.x on the mind despite a distinct lack of hormones, and... G.o.d. Remember what I said about not letting her near your trousers? Well, it's hard to run away with a broken shoulder. You know?

I haven't yet worked up the courage to go back to the jail too many nasty memories. So I decide on following up the other loose end. Lazarus and Geordie. I'm about to grab my car keys from their nail when the reach makes my shoulder stab painfully and it occurs to me that driving was probably on the list of things that I shouldn't be doing that I didn't listen to. I call a cab, grab a beer, and wait.

I clamber carefully out of the cab, chucking a $20 note back to the driver.

"Thanks for being gentle, mate," I say, and shut the door.

I glance over at Mike's place. A second-storey window's broken. Kids, probably. I've never understood the fascination with breaking stuff stealing I get, but random destruction's beyond me. I think about going to check it out, but I couldn't be bothered right now. My shoulder's starting to ache, and I just want a cup of coffee to wash down a painkiller or two.

The front door of Lazarus and Geordie's place opens, and Geordie trots out toward the mailbox. He's dressed in a short bathrobe and, as far as I can tell, nothing else.

"GEORDIE!" I yell, waving gingerly.

He looks up and peers at me carefully, then grins.

"Trent, baby!" he yells, "what are are you doing in that ridiculous sling? It makes you look pale, dearie positively you doing in that ridiculous sling? It makes you look pale, dearie positively wan wan!"

I walk across the road to him and get air-kissed.

"Oh, my G.o.d, what have have they done to you?" he asks, taking in the bandages. "Come on, you need a nice cup of coffee you head in, I'll just grab the mail and follow. And make yourself they done to you?" he asks, taking in the bandages. "Come on, you need a nice cup of coffee you head in, I'll just grab the mail and follow. And make yourself comfy comfy, you hear?" he bellows the last bit after me.

G.o.d, can you imagine Geordie doing anything anything covert? Ever? covert? Ever?

I head for the lounge chairs, pausing to take a couple of huge pills out of their foil. Horse-pills, my father used to call them when they were this size. I sit down, and despite my best intentions, start to relax as Geordie comes in, dumps the mail on the counter and starts to fuss around me. He brings me a pillow, asks me ten times if I'm comfortable enough, and finally decides that what I really need is coffee.

"Here you are, dearie!" he grins as he hands me the mug, "I put in lots of milk to cool it down and," he winks, "I irished it up a little for you! Best medicine in the world!"

I take a cautious sip to wet my throat, and nearly choke anyway. Cripes, Geordie wasn't joking about iris.h.i.+ng it up there's enough bourbon in here to kill any any pain. I swallow the pills and wash them down with the alcoholic coffee, and then remember the warnings about codeine and alcohol consumption. Ah well, it's not like I was planning to drive home anyhow. pain. I swallow the pills and wash them down with the alcoholic coffee, and then remember the warnings about codeine and alcohol consumption. Ah well, it's not like I was planning to drive home anyhow.

"Mike is going nuts nuts," I explain to Geordie, "Poor man is stuck in a cell with only his guilt and a vengeful ghost haunting his a.r.s.e. Oh, and getting shot at when he ventures out, of course. Geordie, if there's anything anything you know that might help Mike out or might help me help Linda leave this world for the next would you tell me? Please?" you know that might help Mike out or might help me help Linda leave this world for the next would you tell me? Please?"