Selected Stories By Henry Lawson - LightNovelsOnl.com
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I threw back my head and stared up at the branches in desperation; and--Well, I don't ask you to take much stock in this, though most old Bushmen will believe anything of the Bush by night; and--Now, it might have been that I was all unstrung, or it might have been a patch of sky outlined in the gently moving branches, or the blue smoke rising up. But I saw the figure of a woman, all white, come down, down, nearly to the limbs of the trees, point on up the main road and then float up and up and vanish, still pointing. I thought Mary was dead! Then it flashed on me-- Four or five miles up the road, over the "saddle", was an old shanty that had been a half-way inn before the Great Western Line got round as far as Dubbo and took the coach traffic off those old Bush roads. Aman named Brighten lived there. He was a selector; did a little farming, and as much sly-grog selling as he could. He was married-but it wasn't that: I'd thought of them, but she was a childish, worn-out, spiritless woman, and both were pretty "ratty" from hards.h.i.+p and loneliness-they weren't likely to be of any use to me. But it was this: I'd heard talk, among some women in Gulgong, of a sister of Brighten's wife who'd gone out to live with them lately: she'd been a hospital matron in the city; they said; and there were yarns about her. Some said she got the sack for exposing the doctors-or carrying on with them-I didn't remember which. The fact of a city woman going out to live in such a place, with such people, was enough to make talk among women in a town twenty miles away, but then there must have been something extra about her, else Bushmen wouldn't have talked and carried her name so far; and I wanted a woman out of the ordinary now. I even reasoned this way, thinking like lightning, as I knelt over Jim between the big back wheels of the waggon.
I had an old racing mare that I used as a riding hack, following the team. In a minute I had her saddled and bridled; I tied the end of a half-full chaff-bag, shook the chaff into each end and dumped it on to the pommel as a cus.h.i.+on or buffer for Jim; I wrapped him in a blanket, and scrambled into the saddle with him.
The next minute we were stumbling down the steep bank, clattering and splas.h.i.+ng over the crossing, and struggling up the opposite bank to the level. The mare, as I told you, was an old racer, but broken-winded-she must have run without wind after the first half-mile. She had the old racing instinct in her strong, and whenever I rode in company I'd have to pull her hard else she'd race the other horse or burst. She ran low fore and aft, and was the easiest horse I ever rode. She ran like wheels on rails, with a bit of a tremble now and then-like a railway carriage-when she settled down to it.
The chaff-bag had slipped off, in the creek I suppose, and I let the bridle-rein go and held Jim up to me like a baby the whole way. Let the strongest man, who isn't used to it, hold a baby in one position for five minutes-and Jim was fairly heavy. But I never felt the ache in my arms that night-it must have gone before I was in a fit state of mind to feel it. And at home I'd often growled about being asked to hold the baby for a few minutes. I could never brood comfortably and nurse a baby at the same time. It was a ghostly moonlight night. There's no timber in the world so ghostly as the Australian Bush in moonlight-or just about daybreak. The all-shaped patches of moonlight falling between ragged, twisted boughs; the ghostly blue-white bark of the "white-box" trees; a dead naked white ring-barked tree, or dead white stump starting out here and there, and the ragged patches of shade and light on the road that made anything, from the shape of a spotted bullock to a naked corpse laid out, stark. Roads and tracks through the Bush made by moonlight-every one seeming straighter and clearer than the real one: you have to trust to your horse then. Sometimes the naked white trunk of a red stringy-bark tree, where a sheet of bark had been taken off, would start out like a ghost from the dark Bush. And dew or frost glistening on these things, according to the season. Now and again a great grey kangaroo, that had been feeding on a green patch down by the road, would start with a "thump-thump", and away up the siding.
The Bush seemed full of ghosts that night all going my way-and being left behind by the mare. Once I stopped to look at Jim: I just sat back and the mare "propped"-she'd been a stock-horse and was used to "cutting-out". I felt Jim's hands and forehead; he was in a burning fever. I bent forward, and the old mare settled down to it again. I kept saying out loud-and Mary and me often laughed about it (afterwards): "He's limp yet!-Jim's limp yet!" (the words seemed jerked out of me by sheer fright)-"He's limp yet!" till the mare's feet took it up. Then, just when I thought she was doing her best and racing her hardest, she suddenly started forward, like a cable tram gliding along on its own and the grip put on suddenly. It was just what she'd do when I'd be riding alone and a strange horse drew up from behind-the old racing instinct. I felt the thing too! I felt as if a strange horse was there! And then-the words just jerked out of me by sheer funk-I started saying, "Death is riding to-night!...Death is racing tonight!...Death is riding to-night!" till the hoofs took that up. And I believe the old mare felt the black horse at her side and was going to beat him or break her heart.
I was mad with anxiety and fright; I remember I kept saying, "I'll be kinder to Mary after this! I'll take more notice of Jim!" and the rest of it.
I don't know how the old mare got up the last "pinch". She must have slackened pace, but I never noticed it: I just held Jim up to me and gripped the saddle with my knees-I remember the saddle jerked from the desperate jumps of her till I thought the girth would go. We topped the gap and were going down into a gully they called Dead Man's Hollow, and there, at the back of a ghostly clearing that opened from the road where there were some black-soil springs, was a long, low, oblong weatherboard-and-s.h.i.+ngle building, with blind, broken windows in the gableends, and a wide steep verandah roof slanting down almost to the level of the window-sills-there was something sinister about it, I thought-like the hat of a jail-bird slouched over his eyes. The place looked both deserted and haunted. I saw no light, but that was because of the moonlight outside. The mare turned in at the corner of the clearing to take a short cut to the shanty, and, as she struggled across some marshy ground, my heart kept jerking out the words, "It's deserted! They've gone away! It's deserted!" The mare went round to the back and pulled up between the back door and a big bark-and-slab kitchen. Someone shouted from inside: "Who's there?"
"It's me. Joe Wilson. I want your sister-in-law-I've got the boy-he's sick and dying!"
Brighten came out, pulling up his moleskins. "What boy?" he asked.
"Here, take him," I shouted, "and let me get down."
"What's the matter with him?" asked Brighten, and he seemed to hang back. And just as I made to get my leg over the saddle, Jim's head went back over my arm, he stiffened, and I saw his eyeb.a.l.l.s turned up and glistening in the moonlight.
I felt cold all over then and sick in the stomach-but clear-headed in a way: strange, wasn't it? I don't know why I didn't get down and rush into the kitchen to get a bath ready. I only felt as if the worst had come, and I wished it were over and gone. I even thought of Mary and the funeral.
Then a woman ran out of the house-a big, hard-looking woman. She had on a wrapper of some sort, and her feet were bare. She laid her hand on Jim, looked at his face, and then s.n.a.t.c.hed him from me and ran into the kitchen-and me down and after her. As great good luck would have it, they had some dirty clothes on to boil in a kerosene-tin-dish-cloths or something.
Brighten's sister-in-law dragged a tub out from under the table, wrenched the bucket off the hook, and dumped in the water, dish-cloths and all, s.n.a.t.c.hed a can of cold water from a corner, dashed that in, and felt the water with her hand-holding Jim up to her hip all the time-and I won't say how he looked. She stood him in the tub and started das.h.i.+ng water over him, tearing off his clothes between the splashes.
"Here, that tin of mustard-there on the shelf!" she shouted to me.
She knocked the lid off the tin on the edge of the tub, and went on splas.h.i.+ng and spanking Jim.
It seemed an eternity. And I? Why, I never thought clearer in my life. I felt cold-blooded-I felt as if I'd like an excuse to go outside till it was all over. I thought of Mary and the funeral-and wished that that was past. All this in a flash, as it were. I felt that it would be a great relief, and only wished the funeral was months past. I felt-well, altogether selfish. I only thought for myself.
Brighten's sister-in-law splashed and spanked him hard-hard enough to break his back I thought, and-after about half an hour it seemed-the end came: Jim's limbs relaxed, he slipped down into the tub, and the pupils of his eyes came down. They seemed dull and expressionless, like the eyes of a new baby, but he was back for the world again.
I dropped on the stool by the table.
"It's all right," she said. "It's all over now. I wasn't going to let him die." I was only thinking: "Well, it's over now, but it will come on again. I wish it was over for good. I'm tired of it."
She called to her sister, Mrs Brighten, a washed-out, helpless little fool of a woman, who'd been running in and out and whimpering all the time.
"Here, Jessie! bring the new white blanket off my bed. And you, Brighten, take some of that wood off the fire, and stuff something in that hole there to stop the draught."
Brighten-he was a nuggety little hairy man with no expression to be seen for whiskers-had been running in with sticks and back logs from the wood-heap. He took the wood out, stuffed up the crack, and went inside and brought out a black bottle-got a cup from the shelf, and put both down near my elbow.
Mrs Brighten started to get some supper or breakfast, or whatever it was, ready. She had a clean cloth, and set the table tidily. I noticed that all the tins were polished bright (old coffee-and mustard-tins and the like, that they used instead of sugar-basins and tea-caddies and salt-cellars), and the kitchen was kept as clean as possible. She was all right at little things. I knew a haggard, worked-out Bushwoman who put her whole soul-or all she'd got left-into polis.h.i.+ng old tins till they dazzled your eyes.
I didn't feel inclined for corned beef and damper, and post-and-rail tea. So I sat and squinted, when I thought she wasn't looking, at Brighten's sister-in-law. She was a big woman, her hands and feet were big, but well-shaped and all in proportion-they fitted her. She was a handsome woman-about forty, I should think. She had a square chin and a straight thin-lipped mouth-straight save for a hint of a turn down at the corners, which I fancied (and I have strange fancies) had been a sign of weakness in the days before she grew hard. There was no sign of weakness now. She had hard grey eyes and blue-black hair. She hadn't spoken yet. She didn't ask me how the boy took ill or I got there, or who or what I was-at least not until the next evening at tea-time.
She sat upright with Jim wrapped in the blanket and laid across her knees, with one hand under his neck and the other laid lightly on him, and she just rocked him gently.
She sat looking hard and straight before her, just as I've seen a tired needlewoman sit with her work in her lap and look away back into the past. And Jim might have been the work in her lap, for all she seemed to think of him. Now and then she knitted her forehead and blinked.
Suddenly she glanced round and said-in a tone as if I was her husband and she didn't think much of me: "Why don't you eat something?"
"Beg pardon?"
"Eat something!"
I drank some tea, and sneaked another look at her. I was beginning to feel more natural, and wanted Jim again, now that the colour was coming back into his face and he didn't look like an unnaturally stiff and staring corpse. I felt a lump rising, and wanted to thank her. I sneaked another look at her.
She was staring straight before her-I never saw a woman's face change so suddenly-I never saw a woman's eyes so haggard and hopeless. Then her great chest heaved twice, I heard her draw a long shuddering breath, like a knocked-out horse, and two great tears dropped from her wide open eyes down her cheeks like rain-drops on a face of stone. And in the firelight they seemed tinged with blood.
I looked away quick, feeling full up myself. And presently (I hadn't seen her look round) she said: "Go to bed."
"Beg pardon?" (Her face was the same as before the tears.) "Go to bed. There's a bed made for you inside on the sofa."
"But-the team-I must--"
"What?"
"The team. I left it at the camp. I must look to it."
"Oh! Well, Brighten will ride down and bring it up in the morning-or send the half-caste. Now you go to bed, and get a good rest. The boy will be all right. I'll see to that."
I went out-it was a relief to get out-and looked to the mare. Brighten had got her some corn1 and chaff in a candle-box, but she couldn't eat yet. She just stood or hung resting one hind leg and then the other, with her nose over the box-and she sobbed. I put my arms round her neck and my face down on her ragged mane, and cried for the second time since I was a boy.
As I started to go in I heard Brighten's sister-in-law say, suddenly and sharply: "Take that away, Jessie."
And presently I saw Mrs Brighten go into the house with the black bottle.
The moon had gone behind the range. I stood for a minute between the house and the kitchen and peeped in through the kitchen window.
She had moved away from the fire and sat near the table. She bent over Jim and held him up close to her and rocked herself to and fro.
I went to bed and slept till the next afternoon. I woke just in time to hear the tail-end of a conversation between Jim and Brighten's sister-in-law. He was asking her out to our place and she promising to come.
"And now," says Jim, "I want to go home to 'm.u.f.fer' in 'The Same Ol' Fling'."
"What?"
Jim repeated.
"Oh! 'The Same Old Thing'-the waggon."
The rest of the afternoon I poked round the gullies with old Brighten, looking at some "indications" (of the existence of gold) he had found. It was no use trying to "pump" him concerning his sister-in-law; Brighten was an "old hand", and had learned in the old bushranging and cattle-stealing days to know nothing about other people's business. And, by the way, I noticed then that the more you talk and listen to a bad character, the more you lose your dislike for him.
I never saw such a change in a woman as in Brighten's sister-in-law that evening. She was bright and jolly, and seemed at least ten years younger. She bustled round and helped her sister to get tea ready. She rooted out some old china that Mrs Brighten had stowed away somewhere, and set the table as I seldom saw it set out there. She propped Jim up with pillows, and laughed and played with him like a great girl. She described Sydney and Sydney life as I'd never heard it described before; and she knew as much about the Bush and old digging days as I did. She kept old Brighten and me listening and laughing till nearly midnight. And she seemed quick to understand everything when I talked. If she wanted to explain anything that we hadn't seen, she wouldn't say that it was "like a-like a-" and hesitate (you know what I mean); she'd hit the right thing on the head at once. Asquatter with a very round, flaming red face and a white cork hat had gone by in the afternoon: she said it was "like a mushroom on the rising moon". She gave me a lot of good hints about children.
But she was quiet again next morning. I harnessed up, and she dressed Jim and gave him his breakfast, and made a comfortable place for him on the load with the 'possum rug and a spare pillow. She got up on the wheel to do it herself. Then was the awkward time. I'd half start to speak to her, and then turn away and go fixing up round the horses, and then make another false start to say good-bye. At last she took Jim up in her arms and kissed him, and lifted him on the wheel; but he put his arms tight round her neck and kissed her-a thing Jim seldom did with anybody, except his mother, for he wasn't what you'd call an affectionate child-he'd never more than offer his cheek to me, in his old-fas.h.i.+oned way. I'd got up the other side of the load to take him from her.
"Here, take him," she said.
I saw his mouth twitching as I lifted him. Jim seldom cried nowadays-no matter how much he was hurt. I gained some time fixing Jim comfortable.
"You'd better make a start," she said. "You want to get home early with that boy."
I got down and went round to where she stood. I held out my hand and tried to speak, but my voice went like an ungreased waggon wheel, and I gave it up, and only squeezed her hand.
"That's all right," she said; then tears came into her eyes, and she suddenly put her hand on my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek. "You be off-you're only a boy yourself. Take care of that boy; be kind to your wife, and take care of yourself."
"Will you come to see us?"
"Some day," she said.
I started the horses, and looked round once more. She was looking up at Jim, who was waving his hand to her from the top of the load. And I saw that haggard, hungry, hopeless look come into her eyes in spite of the tears.
I smoothed over that story and shortened it a lot, when I told it to Mary-I didn't want to upset her. But, some time after I brought Jim home from Gulgong, and while I was at home with the team for a few days, nothing would suit Mary but she must go over to Brighten's shanty and see Brighten's sister-in-law. So James drove her over one morning in the spring-cart: it was a long way, and they stayed at Brighten's overnight and didn't get back till late the next afternoon. I'd got the place in a pig-muck, as Mary said, "doing for" myself, and I was having a snooze on the sofa when they got back. The first thing I remember was someone stroking my head and kissing me, and I heard Mary saying, "My poor boy! My poor old boy!"
I sat up with a jerk. I thought that Jim had gone off again. But it seems that Mary was only referring to me. Then she started to pull grey hairs out of my head and put 'em in an empty match-box-to see how many she'd get. She used to do this when she felt a bit soft. I don't know what she said to Brighten's sister-in-law or what Brighten's sister-in-law said to her, but Mary was extra gentle for the next few days.
1Maize or Indian corn-wheat is never called corn in Australia.
"Water Them Geraniums'
I.
A LONELY TRACK.
THE time Mary and I s.h.i.+fted out into the Bush from Gulgong to "settle on the land" at Lahey's Creek.
I'd sold the two tip-drays that I used for tank-sinking and dam-making, and I took the traps out in the waggon on top of a small load of rations and horse-feed that I was taking to a sheep-station out that way. Mary drove out in the spring-cart. You remember we left little Jim with his aunt in Gulgong till we got settled down. I'd sent James (Mary's brother) out the day before, on horseback, with two or three cows and some heifers and steers and calves we had, and I'd told him to clean up a bit, and make the hut as bright and cheerful as possible before Mary came.
We hadn't much in the way of furniture. There was the four-poster cedar bedstead that I bought before we were married, and Mary was rather proud of it: it had "turned" posts and joints that bolted together. There was a plain hardwood table, that Mary called her "ironing-table", upside down on top of the load, with the bedding and blankets between the legs; there were four of those common black kitchen-chairs-with apples painted on the hardboard backs-that we used for the parlour; there was a cheap batten sofa with arms at the ends and turned rails between the uprights of the arms (we were a little proud of the turned rails); and there was the camp-oven, and the three-legged pot, and pans and buckets, stuck about the load and hanging under the tail-board of the waggon.
There was the little Wilc.o.x & Gibb's sewing-machine-my present to Mary when we were married (and what a present, looking back to it!). There was a cheap little rocking-chair, and a looking-gla.s.s and some pictures that were presents from Mary's friends and sister. She had her mantelshelf ornaments and crockery and nick-nacks packed away, in the linen and old clothes, in a big tub made of half a cask, and a box that had been Jim's cradle. The live stock was a cat in one box, and in another an old rooster, and three hens that formed cliques, two against one, turn about, as three of the same s.e.x will do all over the world. I had my old cattle-dog, and of course a pup on the load-I always had a pup that I gave away, or sold and didn't get paid for, or had "touched" (stolen) as soon as it was old enough. James had his three spidery, sneaking, thieving, cold-blooded kangaroo-dogs with him. I was taking out three months' provisions in the way of ration-sugar, tea, flour, and potatoes, etc.
I started early, and Mary caught me up at Ryan's Crossing on Sandy Creek, where we boiled the billy and had some dinner.
Mary bustled about the camp and admired the scenery and talked too much, for her, and was extra cheerful, and kept her face turned from me as much as possible. I soon saw what was the matter. She'd been crying to herself coming along the road. I thought it was all on account of leaving little Jim behind for the first time. She told me that she couldn't make up her mind till the last moment to leave him, and that, a mile or two along the road, she'd have turned back for him, only that she knew her sister would laugh at her. She was always terribly anxious about the children.
We cheered each other up, and Mary drove with me the rest of the way to the creek, along the lonely branch track, across native apple-tree flats. It was a dreary, hopeless track. There was no horizon, nothing but the rough ashen trunks of the gnarled and stunted trees in all directions, little or no undergrowth, and the ground, save for the coa.r.s.e, brownish tufts of dead gra.s.s, as bare as the road, for it was a dry season: there had been no rain for months, and I wondered what I should do with the cattle if there wasn't more gra.s.s on the creek.
In this sort of country a stranger might travel for miles without seeming to have moved, for all the difference there is in the scenery. The new tracks were "blazed"-that is, slices of bark cut off from both sides of trees, within sight of each other, in a line, to mark the track until the horses and wheel-marks made it plain. Asmart Bushman, with a sharp tomahawk, can blaze a track as he rides. But a Bushman a little used to the country soon picks out differences amongst the trees, half unconsciously as it were, and so finds his way about.
Mary and I didn't talk much along this track-we couldn't have heard each other very well, anyway, for the "clock-clock" of the waggon and the rattle of the cart over the hard lumpy ground. And I suppose we both began to feel pretty dismal as the shadows lengthened. I'd noticed lately that Mary and I had got out of the habit of talking to each other-noticed it in a vague sort of way that irritated me (as vague things will irritate one) when I thought of it. But then I thought, "It won't last long-I'll make life brighter for her by-and-by."
As we went along-and the track seemed endless-I got brooding, of course, back into the past. And I feel now, when it's too late, that Mary must have been thinking that way too. I thought of my early boyhood, of the hard life of "grubbin'" and "milkin'" and "fencin'" and "ploughin'" and "ring-barkin'", etc., and all for nothing. The few months at the little bark-school, with a teacher who couldn't spell. The cursed ambition or craving that tortured my soul as a boy-ambition or craving for-I didn't know what for! For something better and brighter, anyhow. And I made the life harder by reading at night.
It all pa.s.sed before me as I followed on in the waggon, behind Mary in the spring-cart. I thought of these old things more than I thought of her. She had tried to help me to better things. And I tried too-I had the energy of half-a-dozen men when I saw a road clear before me, but s.h.i.+ed at the first check. Then I brooded, or dreamed of making a home-that one might call a home-for Mary-some day. Ah, well!-- And what was Mary thinking about, along the lonely, changeless miles? I never thought of that. Of her kind, careless gentleman father, perhaps. Of her girlhood. Of her homes-not the huts and camps she lived in with me. Of our future?-she used to plan a lot, and talk a good deal of our future-but not lately. These things didn't strike me at the time-I was so deep in my own brooding. Did she think now-did she begin to feel now that she had made a great mistake and thrown away her life, but must make the best of it? This might have roused me, had I thought of it. But whenever I thought Mary was getting indifferent towards me, I'd think, "I'll soon win her back. We'll be sweethearts again-when things brighten up a bit."
It's an awful thing to me, now I look back to it, to think how far apart we had grown, what strangers we were to each other. It seems, now, as though we had been sweethearts long years before, and had parted, and had never really met since.
The sun was going down when Mary called out: "There's our place, Joe!"
She hadn't seen it before, and somehow it came new and with a shock to me, who had been out here several times. Ahead, through the trees to the right, was a dark green clump of she-oaks standing out of the creek, darker for the dead grey gra.s.s and blue-grey bush on the barren ridge in the background. Across the creek (it was only a deep, narrow gutter-a water-course with a chain of water-holes after rain), across on the other bank, stood the hut, on a narrow flat between the spur and the creek, and a little higher than this side. The land was much better than on our old selection, and there was good soil along the creek on both sides: I expected a rush of selectors out here soon. Afew acres round the hut was cleared and fenced in by a light two-rail fence of timber split from logs and saplings. The man who took up this selection left it because his wife died here.
It was a small oblong hut built of split slabs, and he had roofed it with s.h.i.+ngles which he split in spare times. There was no verandah, but I built one later on. At the end of the house was a big slab-and-bark shed, bigger than the hut itself, with a kitchen, a skillion for tools, harness, and horse-feed, and a spare bedroom part.i.tioned off with sheets of bark and old chaff-bags. The house itself was floored roughly, with cracks between the boards; there were cracks between the slabs all round-though he'd nailed strips of tin, from old kerosene-tins, over some of them; the part.i.tioned-off bedroom was lined with old chaff-bags with newspapers pasted over them for wall-paper. There was no ceiling, calico or otherwise, and we could see the round pine rafters and battens, and the under ends of the s.h.i.+ngles. But ceilings make a hut hot and harbour insects and reptiles-snakes sometimes. There was one small gla.s.s window in the "dining-room" with three panes and a sheet of greased paper, and the rest were rough wooden shutters. There was a pretty good cow-yard and calf-pen, and-that was about all. There was no dam or tank (I made one later on); there was a water-cask, with the hoops falling off and the staves gaping, at the corner of the house, and spouting, made of lengths of bent tin, ran round under the eaves. Water from a new s.h.i.+ngle roof is wine-red for a year or two, and water from a stringy-bark roof is like tan-water for years. In dry weather the selector had got his house water from a cask sunk in the gravel at the bottom of the deepest water-hole in the creek. And the longer the drought lasted, the farther he had to go down the creek for his water, with a cask on a cart, and take his cows to drink, if he had any. Four, five, six, or seven miles-even ten miles to water is nothing in some places.
James hadn't found himself called upon to do more than milk old "Spot" (the grandmother cow of our mob), pen the calf at night, make a fire in the kitchen, and sweep out the house with a bough. He helped me unharness and water and feed the horses, and then started to get the furniture off the waggon and into the house. James wasn't lazy-so long as one thing didn't last too long; but he was too uncomfortably practical and matter-of-fact for me. Mary and I had some tea in the kitchen. The kitchen was permanently furnished with a table of split slabs, adzed smooth on top, and supported by four stakes driven into the ground, a three-legged stool and a block of wood, and two long stools made of half-round slabs (sapling trunks split in halves) with auger-holes bored in the round side and sticks stuck into them for legs. The floor was of clay; the chimney of slabs and tin; the fireplace was about eight feet wide, lined with clay, and with a blackened pole across, with sooty chains and wire hooks on it for the pots.
Mary didn't seem able to eat. She sat on the three-legged stool near the fire, though it was warm weather, and kept her face turned from me. Mary was still pretty, but not the little dumpling she had been: she was thinner now. She had big dark hazel eyes that shone a little too much when she was pleased or excited. I thought at times that there was something very German about her expression; also something aristocratic about the turn of her nose, which nipped in at the nostrils when she spoke. There was nothing aristocratic about me. Mary was German in figure and walk. I used sometimes to call her "Little Duchy" and "Pigeon Toes". She had a will of her own, as shown sometimes by the obstinate knit in her forehead between the eyes.
Mary sat still by the fire, and presently I saw her chin tremble.
"What is it, Mary?"
She turned her face farther from me. I felt tired, disappointed, and irritated-suffering from a reaction.
"Now, what is it, Mary?" I asked; "I'm sick of this sort of thing: Haven't you got everything you wanted? You've had your own way. What's the matter with you now?"
"You know very well, Joe."
"But I don't know," I said. I knew too well.
She said nothing.
"Look here, Mary," I said, putting my hand on her shoulder, "don't go on like that; tell me what's the matter."
"It's only this," she said suddenly, "I can't stand this life here; it will kill me!"
I had a pannikin of tea in my hand, and I banged it down on the table.
"This is more than a man can stand!" I shouted. "You know very well that it was you that dragged me out here. You run me on to this! Why weren't you content to stay in Gulgong?"