Real Life In London Part 76

Dashall and Tallyho congratulated the baronet on his promising dramatic talent, and advised him still further to court the favors of the tragic Muse.

"May the devil burn the tragic Muse!" he exclaimed;

1 Thus runs the legend.--

A lady in former times, who, it seems, like some of our modern visionaries, was an enemy to superabundant population, and would have restricted the procreation of children to those only who could maintain them; was applied to for alms by a poor woman, with no less than five little famis.h.i.+ng urchins in her train. The haughty dame not only refused to relieve the unfortunate mendicant, but poured upon her a torrent of abuse, adding that she had no right to put herself in the way of having children whom she could not support.--The woman dropped on her knees, and prayed "that the lady might have as many children at one birth as there were days in the year!" and so, (as the legend runs,) it actually happened!

~143~~ "Arrah, give me the favors of that sweet pretty crature, the comical Muse at the Wax-works, who took me for a player,--Och! the fascination of her smile and the witchery of her eye before all the Muses that ever fuddled the brain of a garreteer!"

"Why baronet," said the Squire, "you are love-struck,--deeply lurched,--taken in by the knowing one!"

"Taken in, that is as it may hereafter happen, but an Irishman, my jewel, is never so desperately in love with one girl but he can spare a bit of affection for another.

"Sure love is the soul of a nate Irishman, He loves all that's lovely, loves all that he can With his sprig of s.h.i.+lleleagh and shamrock so green."--

The three friends had now rounded the corner at the bottom of Fleet-street, in the direction of Blackfriars, when Dashall claimed the attention of his a.s.sociates.--

"This is the domicil," said he, "of the patriotic Alderman, who, during so many years has uniformly and ably opposed the civic hirelings of Corruption, advocated the cause of Freedom, and acquired the well-earned meed of high estimation by all the respectable and independent portion of his fellow-citizens.

"Firm in principle, and resolute in difficulty, the conscientious discharge of his duty has ever been his prominent object. But perhaps in no instance has he so greatly endeared himself to humanity, than in that of the long protracted inquest on the bodies of the two unfortunate men, Honey and Francis, the victims of military outrage; his constant attendance and indefatigable exertions on that occasion, were the means of eliciting many particulars which otherways might not have been known, and which ultimately led the Jury to record the atrociousness of the crime by the several verdicts of murder and manslaughter.

"Again, on the memorable day of the funeral of these two immolated men, Mr. W. in his capacity of Sheriff, supported with becoming dignity, his high station, and undaunted amidst imminent danger, enforced obedience even from the military, and saved the effusion of human blood."

London exhibits, daily, a series of depravity perhaps unparalleled in any other part of the British Empire.--

~144~~ Dashall had just finished his eulogium on the worthy Alderman, in which his friends heartily coincided, when the attention of the triumvirate was attracted by the appalling appearance of five men rivetted together, and conducted along the street by officers of justice. Tallyho enquired into the nature of their crimes, and was informed that they were in custody under suspicion of house-breaking in the night-time, and that two of them, particularly, had been taken in the house which they had plundered, regaling themselves, in perfect ease, with cold meat, wine, and liquors, and the stolen property tied up in a bag, with which, on the moment of alarm, they attempted an escape, but were intercepted in their retreat, and taken in charge by the officers after a desperate resistance, in which shots and hurts were received both by the victors and the vanquished. It is almost beyond belief, that men engaged in an enterprise wherein ignominious death awaits discovery, would sit down to regale themselves after having secured their booty, with as much composure, as if in their own homes; yet so it is; such is the daring callousness of mind attached to long confirmed and successful habits of guilt.{1}

1 Police. Mansion House.--William Johnson was charged by Mr.

Miller of Lower Thames Street, on suspicion of having com- mitted a robbery on Thursday night, under circ.u.mstances of rather an extraordinary kind.. Mr. Miller's evidence was to the following effect. He has a cut gla.s.s and earthenware warehouse in Thames Street, but does not reside there. Upon visiting his warehouse yesterday morning, he found that thieves had been very busy upon the concern the night before. They did not get much, but while they were in the house they enjoyed themselves. They lighted a fire, and paid a visit to the wine-cellar, from which they took two bottles of wine and three bottles of perry, which it seemed they drank warm with sugar, and Mr. Miller received a very polite letter from one of them, acknowledging the obligations they were under to him for the excellent beverage his cellar afforded. Upon examining other parts of the premises. Mr.

Miller found that his iron chest had been forced open. The instrument (a large chissel) with which this feat was performed was lying on the premises, and a dark lanthorn, which the thieves had forgotten, was also picked up in the course of the search. The petty cash drawers of the iron chest lay open empty, but Mr. Miller believed there had been in them when he left the Warehouse, a sum perhaps not exceeding a couple of pounds. The bills and papers were not taken away, neither had any thing been removed that was likely to be recovered. Some silver cruet-tops were taken, but the cruets were left behind. The chissel, which, though very strong, had been broken in the effort to open the chest, was of the largest size. All the rooms of the building, except those in front, had been visited by the depredators, and there were various circ.u.mstances concurring to fix a very strong suspicion on the prisoner, besides the probability that he was the writer of the letter "of thanks"

to Mr. Miller for the entertainment afforded. The letter, which was written in a good hand, began with the word "Gemmen," and stated that they (the writer and his friends) had called, regretted that there was no "_wa.s.sel in the lob_," (money in the chest) but expressed the highest opinion of the wine, begged pardon for disturbing the papers, and expressed how happy those who drank the wine would be to visit the premises upon a future occasion! The prisoner was remanded.

~145~~ It sometimes happens that even juvenile depredators who have imbibed a propensity for liquor, have been caught in the snare thus laid by themselves. Of this fact Dashall gave the following very curious ill.u.s.tration.--"A few evenings ago," said he, "the family of my next door neighbour retired to rest, leaving every thing, as they imagined, in a state of perfect security. On the servant however, coming down stairs in the morning, he was surprised to find a new and unexpected inmate, fast asleep in the kitchen, a quant.i.ty of plate packed up lay by his side, and before him were a bottle of brandy and another of wine.

He was a lad not more than sixteen years of age, who had ingeniously contrived, in the nighttime, to get access to the house, and having secured his spoil, had resorted to the pantry and wine-cellar for refreshment. Of the stores from the latter receptacle, he had partaken so liberally that he was thrown into a deep slumber, from which he was roused by the unwelcome voice of the Officer who had been sent for to take him into custody."

Our perambulators had now pa.s.sed along the bridge, and advanced a short distance on Blackfriar's road, when they observed a s.p.a.cious travelling caravan, stationary by the side of the high way, intimating that there was to be seen within, the great northern bear, known by the name of "Autocrat of All the Russias," while a fellow with a speaking tube invited in the most alluring terms of itinerant oratory, the gaping mult.i.tude to walk in,--"Walk in, ladies and gentlemen, and behold this most wonderous of all wonders that ever was wondered at in this wonderful world,--the _Ursa major_,--that gives its name to one of the constellations, and was taken by a _ruse de guerre_ in one of the hitherto undiscovered deserts of the remotest Siberia! This stupendous animal was sent from these unknown regions as a present to a certain great personage in this country, who having a superabundancy of native bears already prowling about him, was pleased to order the dismission of this northern stranger, without a pension; and thus it came into the possession of its present exhibiter!"

~146~~ This irresistible invitation was accepted by several of the auditory, including the baronet, Dashall, and the Squire, who were gratified beyond their antic.i.p.ations, with a sight of the great polar bear, the desolate inhabitant of a frigid and dismal clime, where Nature has forbid the vegetative, and stinted the growth of the animal creation, with the exception of the s.h.a.ggy wanderer of the desert and the floundering leviathan of the ocean. The animal was perfectly tractable; and its exhibition well compensated both for time and gratuity.

The proprietor, however, in answer to an enquiry apart by Dashall, acknowledged that his Ursine companion had never been attached to the household of any great personage; although a northern quadruped of lesser interest was under the protection of one of the Royal Dukes and frequently played its mischievous gambols in the environs of Kensington Palace.{1}

1 The Bear at Kensington Palace. Early on Sunday morn-ing it was discovered, that a large black bear, sent as a present to His Royal Highness the Duke of Suss.e.x, had contrived to break out of his cage, which was placed in a coach-house, and Bruin, having an inclination to explore these premises, containing a hand-some new chariot, mounted the foot-board, and began to play with the ta.s.sels; he next ascended the roof and the box, the covering of which became a prey to his claws; after enjoying himself as an outside pa.s.senger, as long as he thought proper, he proceeded to examine the interior of the vehicle, and turning from the box, made his entre through the front windows into the carriage, which bore serious marks of his savage curiosity. No one dared to approach this northern visitor, and in order to prevent further depredations in his probable rambles, guards were placed, with fixed bayonets, until some keepers arrived from a Menagerie, who secured him, after great difficulty, in one of their strong cages.

CHAPTER X

"Oh the dear pleasures of the velvet plain, The painted Tablets, deal't and deal't again Cards, with what rapture, and the polish'd die The yawning chasm of indolence supply.

Then to the Dance and make the sober moon Witness of joys that shun the sight of noon.

Blame cynic if you can, quadrille or ball, The snug close party, or the splendid hall, "Where night down stooping from her ebon throne Views constellations brighter than her own.

'Tis innocent and harmless, and refined, The balm of care, elysium of the mind."

~147~~ THE rapid succession of novelty in a Life in London where the scenes like those of a Pantomime are constantly changing

"From grave to gay, from lively to severe,"

scarcely required those attentions which the Hon. Tom Dashall continued to enjoy on the score of arrangements for the gratification and information of his cousin. He was ever watchful of opportunities to furnish new views of Real Life and character to Tallyho, and who never failed to profit by his observations upon Men and manners: for Tom, notwithstanding the gaiety of his disposition, was an acute and discerning companion, who having mingled in all ranks and degrees of Society, was able to a.s.sociate himself with the high or the low, as circ.u.mstances might require, and to form tolerably accurate estimates of those by whom he was surrounded.

It was, therefore, with his usual view to the accomplishment of his cousin as a votary of Real Life in London, that he had proposed a visit to a fancy dress Ball at Almack's, and preparations had accordingly been made between them.

"A Fancy dress Ball," said Tom, in order to give his cousin an idea of the entertainment he was to partake, "bears some similitude to a Masquerade, with two important exceptions: first, Masks are not general; and second, ~148~~ No practical Jokes are expected or admitted. Dress however, is left wholly to the taste or inclination of the visitors, and the amus.e.m.e.nts consist princ.i.p.ally of dancing and cards. The Rooms are of the most splendid description, and the company generally of the first order; combining all that is elegant and fas.h.i.+onable in what is termed the higher ranks of society,--'Tis said

[Ill.u.s.tration: page148 Almacks]

"If once to Almacks you belong, Like monarchs you can do no wrong.

But banish'd thence on Wednesday night, By Jove you can do nothing right.

I hear (perhaps the story false is,) From Almacks, that he never waltzes With Lady Anne or Lady Biddy, Twirling till he's in Love, or giddy.

The girl a pigmy, he a giant, His cravat stiff, her corset pliant.

There, while some jaded couple stops, The rest go round like humming tops.

Each in the circle with its neighbour Sharing alternate rest and labour; While many a gentle chaperon As the fair Dervises spin on, Sighs with regret that she was courted, Ere this new fas.h.i.+on was imported.

Ere the dull minuet step had vanished, .

With jigs and country sc.r.a.pers banished.

But ---- whose energy relaxes No more revolves upon his axis, As sounds of cymbal and of drum Deep clanging from the orch'tra come, And round him moves in radiance bright Some beauteous beaming sattelite.

Nor ventures as the night advances, On a new partner in French dances, Nor his high destiny fulfilling Through all the mazes of quadrilling, Holds, lest the figure should be hard Close to his nose a printed card, Which for their special use invented, To beaus on entrance is presented.

A strange device one must allow, But useful as it tells them how To foot it in their proper places, Much better than their partners faces.

Mark how the married and the single, In yon gay groupes delighted mingle: Midst diamonds blazing, tapers beaming, Midst Georges, Stars, and Crosses gleaming.

We gaze on beauty, catch the sound Of music, and of mirth around.

And discord feels her empire ended At Almacks--or at least suspended."

"Zounds," said Dashall, "I am happy to see the Rooms so well attended this evening, and particularly to find Mr. Maitland and his two lovely sisters. Do you observe," continued he, "that Gentleman in Regimentals on the opposite side?"

"I do, and is he in the Army?" enquired Bob "No," replied Tom, "that is only an a.s.sumed character for the Evening, but I must introduce you to them, though the Ladies are considered to be sharp shooters with their eyes, therefore it will be necessary for you to be on your guard."

"I've heard that by a single glance Strange witchery is sometimes done, And only by a look askance, Ladies have many a lover won."

The elegant and tasteful illuminations of the Room, the sprightly sound of the music by a well selected band, and the gay movements of the well dressed circles, were attractive in the mind of Tallyho, and alternately rivetted his attention, while his cousin was as frequently addressed and congratulated by his friends.

"My Dear Tom," said Maitland, who was lounging round the Room with his two sisters, and who seemed to consider himself the rose of the party by the affected levity of a military character, "I am glad to see you--'pon Honor--just going to make up a quadrille--know you are a good dancer--list you in my Corps with Misa Maitland's permission--but can't be denied 'pon Honor."

"That is very gallant, truly," replied a lovely and interesting girl, his eldest sister. "With my permission, and yet he won't be denied."

"If Miss Maitland were to command," said the Hon. Tom Dashall, "denial were impossible, disobedience were disgrace and dishonor."--bowing politely to the Ladies.

"Vastly pretty indeed Mr. Dashall, and to speak the truth I am very glad to find you here; for you know my brother is but a n.o.body, except when he shews himself off in Regimentals:" replied Miss Maitland.