Real Life In London Part 67

"Here's bad luck and no blue ruin to bad masters, and leg o' mutton and turnups for trumps--that's all I got to say, so here goes."

The toast being drank,

"Who is ve to call on now, Bill?"

"Vy, Bob Martlet's the boy to come it strong."

Bob Martlet was accordingly called upon, but requested a few minutes to prepare himself, as he was rather hoa.r.s.e.

During this interregnum, Dashall slipped out of the room, and gave the landlord an order to place two bowls of punch on the tables, cautioning him at the same time to say nothing of the party who paid for it, but to say that a Gentleman, pa.s.sing by the door and hearing them all merry, had given an order for it at the bar.

~65~~ Upon re-entering the room, Bob Martlet, with one eye bound up and his hat in his hand, was bawling with lungs of leather,

Lovely nymph! a.s.suage my anguish, At thy feet a tender swain, Prays you will not let him languish, One kind look would ease his pain.

Did you know the lad who courts you, He not long need sue in vain-- Prince of song and dance--you Scarce will meet his like again!

As this was a song to be sung in character, Bob Martlet determined to profit by the instructions of Shakspeare, "to suit the action to the word, and the word to the action," and consequently at the word "dance,"

he introduced some steps to the great entertainment of the company; but unfortunately jigging to another tune, in which all the broad brims joined, he forgot the connexion of the words, and was compelled to sing it over again, and to give his hornpipe by way of conclusion, which was accompanied by the barking of a dog.

Tallyho laughed heartily at this; the grotesque appearance of the "tender swain," and the dance in wooden shoes, were admirable, and highly relished by his companions. The room resounded with applauses, and it was some moments before silence could be obtained, when, lo and behold, the landlord entered the room as a peace-breaker with two bowls of punch.

Consternation and surprise were visible in every countenance. The confusion of tongues could scarcely equal the enquiries made in a moment; but the landlord, having his cue, made no reply. But there it is, will you drink it? It is all your own--and, to set you a good example, here goes--Success to trade!--and took a hearty swig from the bowl he placed before the President; then, taking the other bowl to the lower end of the room, he evaporated, but soon returned with gla.s.ses. Where he came from or how it was obtained, was banished from consideration, and to make more, the remnant of a pot of heavy wet was thrown into the bowl to mellow it, as the President observed, because vy he liked things mellow. The punch was handed about, the song and the toast pa.s.sed merrily in succession till near twelve, when an unlucky disturber of harmony, with a candle set fire to the whisker of Phill the flue faker so called from his ~66~~having in his younger days been a chimney-sweeper. Phill, who had slept during the noise of the evening, was, notwithstanding his former trade, not fire-proof, awoke in a flame, and not knowing the real depredator, upset the President, and nearly knock'd him through a window just behind him--mill'd away in all directions, growling with as much melody as he had before snored. During the confusion of this affray, Tom and Bob took their departure from Charley's Crib, which they understood was a nickname given to the place, and, throwing themselves into a rattler, soon arrived in Piccadilly, where we shall for the present leave them to their repose.

CHAPTER V

"Since Life's but a jest, let us follow the rule, There's nothing so pleasant as playing the fool, In town we may practise, as well as at school.

The world turns about the same things o'er and o'er; We fool it--our forefathers fool'd it before; They did what we do, which our sons will encore.

Life's but a half holiday, lent us to stare; We wander and wonder in vanity's fair, All, baby-like, bawling for each bawble there:

We, children like, covet the glitter of gay things, Make racket for ribbands, and such sort of play-things, Which we cannot have tho'--without we can say things.

We take, or are in all our turns, taken in; The world to be sure--'tis a shame and a sin,-- Might soon be much better--but who will begin?"

~67~~ "LONDON," said the Hon. Tom Dashall to his Cousin, "abounds with so much of munificence, that notwithstanding all its intricacies and inconveniences, he who travels through life without visiting it, may justly be said to know nothing; for it is all Life, its remotest corners are full of animation, and although it is difficult to fancy how all live, there are few but could give some satisfactory information if they chose, though I am willing to believe many would rather wish to avoid interrogation. We have already explored some parts of it, but be a.s.sured there is still much to admire, much to applaud, and much to deprecate.

Our researches, after all, have been rather confined than extensive. It is such an ever varying and never ceasing mine of observation, that it is almost like the wis.h.i.+ng cap of Fortunatus, with this exception, that although every wish may be supplied, it requires something more than putting on the cap to obtain the object desired."

~68~~ "From what I have already seen," replied Tallyho, "I perfectly coincide with you in the latter part of your observation, for I have no doubt but perseverance and integrity, with some portion of ability, is sure to meet reward."

"You are right," continued Tom; "many instances could be pointed out in proof of the justice of that remark: some of the greatest men of the present day have rose from the lowest origin. Shop-boys and porters have become tradesmen and merchants; shoe-blacks have become statesmen, and servants councillors. But on the other hand, many who have been born, as the old saying is, 'with a silver spoon in their mouths,' have 'fallen from their high estates,' and lingered out the latter parts of their lives in prisons or work-houses, laying the blame on fate, rather than attributing failure to their own want of ability, prudence, or active exertion. But come, I perceive the curricle is ready; let us take a spank through the City, and look a little more minutely at the mercantile world."

This call was instantly obeyed by Tallyho, who never doubted but his Cousin had some object in view, though he frequently started from Piccadilly without being previously acquainted with it.

Pa.s.sing out at Hyde Park Corner, Bon remarked that he thought the City lay the other way.

"Never mind," replied Dashall, "we shall come to the point without doubt. Why, man, there are more ways than one, and I am not particularly partial to being blocked up in the public streets, amidst _knowing jarveys and cramp carmen_, sugar hogsheads, mola.s.ses, and slush carts, which is so frequently the case, when by a slight deviation from the direct way, we can give the t.i.ts a rattler on a good road without obstruction, and pocket a handful of time into the bargain."

He now turned into the road which leads directly to Vauxhall Bridge; on arriving at which, Tallyho was much delighted with an extensive view of the Thames.

"This," said Dashall, "will bring us to a favourite place of amus.e.m.e.nt, where you have already cut a conspicuous figure."

"What do you mean?" enquired his Cousin.

"A masquerade," replied he significantly. "Go along Bob."

~69~~ Pa.s.sing gently over the Bridge, "Do you observe," continued he, "that extensive building? That is called the Penitentiary. It is a building designed for the punishment, employment, and reformation of offenders of secondary turpitude, usually punished by transportation for a term of years. It has been conceived since the commencement of the disputes which terminated in the separation of the American States.

The plan of it is known to be partly that of Mr. Jeremy Bentham. The culprits are confined in circular buildings, the windows of which are so constructed, that the overseer from his room in the centre may be able to view every one of their rooms. The external wall encloses no less than eighteen acres of ground, within which are six of these circular buildings, each capable of lodging and employing from 150 to 200 prisoners, with a chapel, infirmary, and other conveniences. Its situation is called Millbank."

"It looks," said Bob, "like a castle, or tower, of impregnable strength."

"It is, however," continued Tom, "a useful inst.i.tution, since it supersedes that indiscriminate transportation so long practised, and which, as applied to definite periods, was cruel and unjust, since the wretched objects were precluded from the power of ever returning to their native land, however short the intended period of their banishment. This part of the world is much improved of late years. The Bridge we are now pa.s.sing, is an admirable light and elegant structure, but recently erected, according to the plan of Mr. J. Walker, and connects, as you perceive, by a straight line of road with Hyde Park Corner. The road before us leads to Newington Cross, and thence by various ways to the City. The Bridge consists of nine arches, of equal span, in squares of cast iron, on piers of rusticated stone formed of fragments, united by means of Parker's cement. Its width is 809 feet, the span of the arches 78 feet, the height 29 feet, and the clear breadth of the road way is 36 feet. It cost above 300,000L. But we shall shortly cross another bridge, far surpa.s.sing it in point of magnificence."

"It is wonderful indeed," said Bob, "that in a country complaining of a starving population, such serious sums of money should be expended in the erection of splendid mansions and magnificent bridges."

~70~~ "Not at all," was the reply, "for perhaps it is one of the best ways of expending, as it gives employment to thousands who would otherwise have become beggars on private charity, or paupers on public bounty, either of which is revolting to the mind of an Englishman: besides, if your observation applied at all, it would cut at every improvement of the day; and you should recollect, that, whether upon true foundations or not, every generation think the age they live in is the most enlightened: so it may be with respect to the preceding, and indeed, so much so, that the succeeding will rather decline than improve upon it, but it would be difficult to convince them of the fact. It is certain, however, that scarcely a day pa.s.ses but some new invention or improvement is offered to public notice. The perusal of the newspapers is an evidence of my a.s.sertion; and as London is the centre of attraction, so it is the seat of knowledge, of science and information."

"I should judge, that if a person who had lived some two hundred years ago, even in this wild place, were to rise up amongst us, his surprise and astonishment would be strongly excited," said Bob, endeavouring to draw forth more of his observations as they bowled along the road.

"There can be no question on that subject," said Tom, "for how would the high ideas he entertained of the ingenuity of the age in which he had lived, dwindle into nothing! Nay, should he appear in the country first, what would he think of the various implements of husbandry, for ploughing, and preparing the land; the different machines for sowing the corn, for thres.h.i.+ng, grinding, and dressing it; and in numerous instances (though perhaps not quite so much now as it has been, on account of the present agricultural distresses) he would find something else too which he might not consider an improvement: instead of meeting the honest homely farmer, a.s.sisting personally in the gathering in his crops, and his daughter following the cart with a rake, he would find the former mounted on his Prad following the hounds, and the latter at boarding school. Instead of the farmer's son bringing home his cows of an evening, and his sister going out to meet him at the sound of his well known voice, with her milk-white pail, he would find the one poring over Latin and Greek, and the other running her fingers over the chords of a harp or piano-forte."

~71 "These," said Bob, "are refinements in manners at least."

"Then, should he take a peep at London, as we are now doing, he would be struck dumb with admiration. But here we are on the Waterloo Road. That building on the right is the Coburg Theatre, so named in compliment to the Prince of Saxe Coburg, who married the unfortunate Princess Charlotte of Wales, the much regretted daughter of our present King.

Before us is Waterloo Bridge, which leads to the Strand, and was originally denominated the Strand Bridge; it is acknowledged to be one of the most majestic structures of the kind, perhaps, in the known world, and was built under the direction of the late Mr. Rennie, to whose memory it is said a monument is intended to be erected. The Bridge consists of nine equal arches, and like the bridges of the ancients, is perfectly flat, which you perceive the road we are now travelling is not, for in some instances you may look over the wall upon another world below, as we are above the tops of the houses. Its being level is a circ.u.mstance highly favourable to the draught of carriages across it, and without any apparent subtraction from its beauty. We will alight here and walk leisurely across, taking time for remark."

The servants now took charge of the curricle, with orders to wait at the corner of the Strand, while our heroes, having each deposited his penny at the toll-house, strolled forward.

Tallyho appeared delighted with the views around him: In the front, a fine prospect of one of the finest cities in the world, and behind an equally pleasing sight over the Surrey Hills. The day being fine, and the sun darting his refulgent beams on the bosom of the Thames, contributed to form, altogether, one of the most enraptured sights he had ever beheld. The pa.s.sing and repa.s.sing of boats and barges below; and carriages, hors.e.m.e.n, and pedestrians, crossing the bridge, alternately attracted his attention.

"Each arch of this bridge," said Dashall, "is 120 feet span; the piers 20 feet thick, with Tuscan columns; the width between the parapets 42 feet; these footpaths are seven feet each, and the road-way is 28 feet. The cost has been immense, and it is not likely that the original subscribers will ever realize the capital expended."

~72~~ At this moment the sound of music attracted the ears of Tallyho.

"What have we here?" said he, thrusting his head through the bal.u.s.trades, by which he found himself almost suffocated with smoke, which stopped further enquiry.

"Behold," said Tom, "another improvement of the age; that is the Richmond Steam Boat, proceeding with a cargo of live stock to that celebrated place of public resort, and, in spite of wind and weather, will return in the evening. They always have a band of music on board, for the amus.e.m.e.nt of their pa.s.sengers."

"Zounds," said Bob, "they ought to have a smoke-consumer."

"They had one just now," replied Tom; "for I apprehend you a.s.sisted them in some degree, though not voluntarily."

"You are smoking me," said Bob.

"Never mind, you have only been puffing a cloud."