Real Life In London Part 48

4 Ready blunt--Cash in hand.

~361~~ value, such as rich jewelry, broaches, ear-rings, necklaces set with diamonds, pearls, &c. sometimes made into a paper parcel, at others in a small neat red morocco case, in which is stuck a bill of parcels, giving a high-flown description of the articles, and with an extravagant price. Proceeding nearly in the same way as the money-droppers with the dupe, the finder proposes, as he is rather short of _steeven_,{1} to _swap_{2}his share for a comparatively small part of the value stated in the bill of parcels: and if he succeeds in obtaining one-tenth of that amount in hard cash, his triumph is complete; for, upon examination, the diamonds turn out to be nothing but paste--the pearls, fishes' eyes--and the gold is merely polished bra.s.s gilt, and altogether of no value.

But this cannot be discovered beforehand, because the _bilk_{3} is in a hurry, can't spare time to go to a shop to have the articles valued, but a.s.sures his intended victim, that, as they found together, he should like to _smack the bit_,{4 }without _blowing the gap_,{5} and so help him G--d, the thing wants no _b.u.t.tering up_,{6} because he is willing to give his share for such a trifle."

1 Steeven--A flash term for money.

2 Swap--To make an exchange, to barter one article for another.

3 A swindler or cheat.

4 Smack the bit--To share the booty.

5 Blowing the gap--Making any thing known.

6 b.u.t.tering up--Praising or flattering.

This conversation was suddenly interrupted by a violent crash just behind them, as they pa.s.sed Drury Lane Theatre in their way through Bussel Court; and Bob, upon turning to ascertain from whence such portentous sounds proceeded, discovered that he had brought all the Potentates of the Holy Alliance to his feet. The Alexanders, the Caesars, the Buonapartes, Shakespeares, Addisons and Popes, lay strewed upon the pavement, in one undistinguished heap, while a poor Italian lad with tears in his eyes gazed with indescribable anxiety on the shapeless ruin--' Vat shall me do?--dat man knock him down--all brokt--you pay--Oh! mine G.o.dt, vat shall do! ' This appeal was made to Dashall and Tallyho, the latter of whom the poor Italian seemed to fix upon as the author of his misfortune in upsetting his board of plaster images; and although he was perfectly unconscious of the accident, the appeal of the vender of great personages had its desired effect upon them both; and ~362~~ finding themselves quickly surrounded by spectators, they gave him some silver, and then pursued their way.

"These men," said Dashall, "are generally an industrious and hard-living people; they walk many miles in the course of a day to find sale for their images, which they will rather sell at any price than carry back with them at night; and it is really wonderful how they can make a living by their traffic."

"Ha, ha, ha," said a coa.r.s.e spoken fellow following--"how the Jarman Duck diddled the Dandies just now--did you twig how he queered the coves out of seven bob for what was not worth _thrums._{1} The _Yelper_{2} did his duty well, and finger'd the _white wool_{3} in good style. I'm d------d if he was not up to slum, and he whiddied their wattles with the velvet, and floored the town toddlers easy enough."

"How do you mean?" said his companion.

"Why you know that foreign blade is an ould tyke about this quarter, and makes a good deal of money--many a _twelver_{4} does he get by buying up broken images of persons who sell them by wholesale, and he of course gets them for little or nothing: then what does he do but dresses out his board, to give them the best appearance he can, and toddles into the streets, _touting_{5} for a good customer. The first genteel bit of flash he meets that he thinks will dub up the possibles,{6} he dashes down the board, breaks all the broken heads, and appeals in a pitiful way for remuneration for his loss; so that nine times out of ten he gets some Johnny-raw or other to stump up the rubbish."

"Zounds!" said Dashall, "these fellows are smoking us; and, in the midst of my instructions to guard you against the abuses of the Metropolis, we have ourselves become the dupes of an impostor."

1 Thrums--A flash term for threepence.

2 The Yelper--A common term given to a poor fellow subject, who makes very pitiful lamentations on the most trifling accidents.

3 White wool--Silver.

4 Twelver--A s.h.i.+lling.

5 Touting--Is to be upon the sharp look out.

6 To dub up the possibles--To stand the nonsense--are nearly synonimous, and mean--will pay up any demand rather than be detained.

~363~~ "Well," said Tallyho, "it is no more than a practical ill.u.s.tration of your own observation, that it is scarcely possible for any person to be at all times secure from the arts and contrivances of your ingenious friends the Londoners; though I confess I was little in expectation of finding you, as an old pract.i.tioner, so easily let in."

"It is not much to be wondered at," continued Tom, "for here we are in the midst of the very persons whose occupations, if such they may be termed, ought most to be avoided; for Covent Garden, and Drury Lane, with their neighbourhoods, are at all times infested with swindlers, sharpers, wh.o.r.es, thieves, and depredators of all descriptions, for ever on the look out. It is not long since a man was thrown from a two-pair of stairs window in Charles Street,{1} which is just by, having been decoyed into a house of ill fame by a Cyprian, and this in a situation within sight of the very Police Office itself in Bow Street!"

"Huzza! ha, ha, ha, there he goes," vociferated by a variety of voices, now called their attention, and put an end to their conversation; and the appearance of a large concourse of people running up Drury Lane, engrossed their notice as they approached the other end of Russel Court.

On coming up with the crowd, they found the cause of the vast a.s.semblage of persons to be no other than a Quaker{2} decorated with a tri-coloured c.o.c.kade, who was

1 A circ.u.mstance of a truly alarming and distressing nature, to which Dashall alluded in this place, was recently made known to the public in the daily journals, and which should serve as a lesson to similar adventurers.

It appeared that a young man had been induced to enter a house of ill fame in Charles Street, Covent Garden, by one of its cyprian inmates, to whom he gave some money in order for her to provide them with supper; that, upon her return, he desired to have the difference between what he had given and what she had expended returned to him, which being peremptorily refused, he determined to leave the house. On descending the stair-case for which purpose, he was met by some men, with whom he had a violent struggle to escape; they beat and bruised him most unmercifully, and afterwards threw him from a two-pair of stairs window into the street, where he was found by the Watchman with his skull fractured, and in a state of insensibility. We believe all attempts have hitherto proved fruitless to bring the actual perpetrator or perpetrators of this diabolical deed to punishment.

2 Bow-street.--Thursday morning an eccentric personage, who has for some time been seen about the streets of the Metropolis in the habit of a Quaker, and wearing the tri- coloured c.o.c.kade in his broad white hat, made his appearance at the door of this office, and presenting a large packet to one of the officers, desired him, in a tone of authority, to lay it instantly before the Magistrate. The Magistrate (G.

R. Minshull, Esq.) having perused this singular paper, inquired for the person who brought it; and in the next moment a young man, in the garb of a Quaker, with a broad- brimmed, peaceful-looking, drab-coloured beaver on his head, surmounted by a furious tri-coloured c.o.c.kade, was brought before him. This strange anomalous ' personage having placed himself very carefully directly in front of the bench, smiled complacently upon his Wors.h.i.+p, and the following laconic colloquy ensued forthwith:--

Magistrate--Did you bring this letter?

Quaker--Thou hast said it.

Magistrate---What is your object in bringing it?

Quaker--Merely to let thee know what is going on in the world--and, moreover, being informed that if I came to thy office, I should be taken into custody, I was desiroiis to ascertain whether that information was true.

Magistrate--Then I certainly shall not gratify you by ordering you into custody.

Quaker--Thou wilt do as seemeth right in thy eyes. I a.s.sure thee I have no inclination to occupy thy time longer than is profitable to us, and therefore I will retire whenever thou shalt signify that my stay is unpleasant to thee.

Magistrate--Why do you wear your hat?--are you a Quaker?

Quaker--Thou sayest it--but that is not my sole motive for wearing it. To be plain with thee, I wear it because I chose to do so. Canst thee tell me of any law which compels me to take it off?

Magistrate--I'll tell you what, friend, I would seriously recommend you to retire from this place as speedily as possible.

Quaker--I take thy advice--farewell.

Thus ended this comical conversation, and the eccentric friend immediately departed in peace.

The brother of the above person attended at the office on Sat.u.r.day, and stated that the Quaker is insane, that he was proprietor of an extensive farm near Ryegate, in Surrey, for some years; but that in May last his bodily health being impaired, he was confined for some time, and on his recovery it was found that his intellects were affected, and he was put under restraint, but recovered. Some time since he absconded from Ryegate, and his friends were unable to discover him, until they saw the account of his eccen- tricities in the newspapers. Mr. Squire was desirous, if he made his appearance again at the office, he should be detained. The Magistrate, as a cause for the detention of the Quaker, swore the brother to these facts. About three o'clock the Quaker walked up Bow-street, when an officer conducted him to the presence of the Magistrate, who detained him, and at seven o'clock delivered him into the care of his brother.

~365~~ very quietly walking with a Police Officer, and exhibiting a caricature of himself mounted on a velocipede, and riding over corruption, &c. It was soon ascertained that he had accepted an invitation from one of the Magistrates of Bow Street to pay him a visit, as he had done the day before, and was at that moment going before him.

"I apprehend he is a little cracked," said Tom; "but however that may be, he is a very harmless sort of person. But come, we have other game in view, and our way lies in a different direction to his."

"Clothes, Sir, any clothes to-day?" said an importunate young fellow at the corner of one of the courts, who at the same time almost obstructed their pa.s.sage.

Making their way as quickly as they could from this very pressing personage, who invited them to walk in.

"This," said Tom, "is what we generally call a _Barker_. I believe the t.i.tle originated with the Brokers in Moor-fields, where men of this description parade in the fronts of their employers' houses, incessantly pressing the pa.s.sengers to walk in and buy household furniture, as they do clothes in Rosemary Lane, Seven Dials, Field Lane, Houndsditch, and several other parts of the town. Ladies' dresses also used to be barked in Cranbourn Alley and the neighbourhood of Leicester Fields; however, the nuisance has latterly in some measure abated. The Shop-women in that part content themselves now-a-days by merely inviting strangers to look at their goods; but Barkers are still to be found, stationed at the doors of Mock Auctions, who induce company to a.s.semble, by bawling "Walk in, the auction is now on," or "Just going to begin." Of these mock auctions, there have been many opened of an evening, under the imposing glare of brilliant gas lights, which throws an unusual degree of l.u.s.tre upon the articles put up for sale. It is not however very difficult to distinguish them from the real ones, notwithstanding they a.s.sume all the exterior appearances of genuineness, even up to advertis.e.m.e.nts in the newspapers, purporting to be held in the house of a person lately gone away under embarra.s.sed circ.u.mstances, or deceased. They are denominated Mock Auctions, because no real intention exists on the part of the sellers to dispose of their articles under a certain price previously fixed upon, which, although it may not be high, is invariably more than they are actually worth: besides which, they may be easily discovered by the anxiety they evince to show the goods to strangers at

~366~~the moment they enter, never failing to bestow over-strained panegyrics upon every lot they put up, and asking repeatedly--"What shall we say for this article? a better cannot be produced;" and promising, if not approved of when purchased, to change it. The Auctioneer has a language suited to all companies, and, according to his view of a customer, can occasionally jest, bully, or perplex him into a purchase.--"The goods must be sold at what they will fetch;" and he declares (notwithstanding among his confederates, who stand by as bidders, they are run up beyond the real value, in order to catch a flat,) that "the present bidding can never have paid the manufacturer for his labour."

In such places, various articles of silver, plate, gla.s.s and household furniture are exposed to sale, but generally made up of damaged materials, and slight workmans.h.i.+p of little intrinsic value, for the self-same purpose as the Razor-seller states--

"Friend, (cried the Razor-man) I'm no knave; As for the razors you have bought, Upon my soul! I never thought That they would shave."

"Not shave!" quoth Hodge, with wond'ring eyes, And voice not much unlike an Indian yell; "What were they made for then, you dog?" he cries.

"Made! (quoth the fellow with a smile) to sell."