Real Life In London Part 27

1 Swindler--Is a term originally derived from the German, Schwindel, which signifies merely to cheat. It was first introduced as a cant term, and used to signify obtaining of goods, credit, or money, under false pretences. It has since had a legislative adoption, being parliamentary recognised by an Act for the prevention of it. The artifices, schemes, and crimes, resorted to by these gentry, are so numerous, that it would be impossible to describe them all. One mode of practice, however, is not uncommon in London.

Three or four swell Jews contrive to hire a large house with some spare rooms, in the City, that are turned into warehouses, in which are a number of casks, boxes, &e.

filled with sand; and also a quant.i.ty of large sugar-loaves in appearance, which are only clay done up in blue paper, but corded and made up with great nicety.

An elegant Counting-house is likewise furnished with books and other apparatus, to deceive the eye and give the appearance of extensive business, great regularity, and large property. The Clerks in attendance are a set of Jews, who are privy to the scheme, and equally ready at fraud as those who profess to be the Princ.i.p.als.

A Dining-room elegantly furnished upon the _mace_,* receives you

* The Mace--Is a person who carries all the appearance of a great and rich man, with servants, carriages, &c. for the purpose of defrauding tradesmen and others, by all manner of plans most calculated to entrap the parties they intend to dupe.

whenever it is necessary to admit of your visits; a Black Servant opens the street-door, and the foot of the stair- case presents surtouts, boots, livery-cloths, a large blue coat with a yellow cape, and habiliments in which the opulent! array their servants. With these and similar merchant-like appearances Trade is commenced, and persons dispatched to provincial manufacturing towns, to buy various articles; for the amount of the first purchases, bills are drawn upon the Firm, and even before the goods are pack'd up, and sent according to order, the acceptances are paid, and, by this means, credit is partly established, which, once accomplished, they are in want of large a.s.sortments for exportation upon credit, at one, two, and three months. The goods are accordingly chosen and forwarded to their a.s.sociates in London, where they are immediately disposed of at 20 or 30 per cent, cheaper than the prime cost, and the money realised. The first bills become due, are noted, and protested. The second are presented, but the House has stopped payment, and the Owners are bankrupts. By the time the third month's bills become due, the docket is struck, the a.s.signees chosen, and there is not sixpence in the pound left for the Creditors. Pet.i.tions are ineffectually presented to the Chancellor, for a number of fict.i.tious Creditors, of the same profession and persuasion, over-swear the just ones, and by exceeding them in number and value, the House obtains its certificate, and has again the power of committing similar depredations.

Perhaps the most daring and systematic proceeding of this kind was that lately detected in the conspiracy of Mosely Wolfe and his confederates, for which he is now suffering the sentence of the law.

~206~~prides himself on his success, boasts of his being _down as a nail_, and--"

"_Down as a nail!_" said Bob, "I don't remember hearing that expression before."

"_Down as a hammer, or Down as a nail_" continued Sparkle, "are cant or slang terms made use of among gamblers, and are synonimous with being up; and it must be confessed that there are many ups and downs amongst them. These flash words are well understood by many a young Greek, who perhaps knows nothing of the Greek Testament, although the use of them has proved in some cases beyond the comprehension of a Judge. Hence the necessity of knowing Life; for if a man gets familiarized with low life, he will necessarily be up, and consequently stand a great chance of being a rising genius. How proper it must be to know how to get a rise upon a fellow, or, in other words, to get him in a line!

"A learned Judge once, examining a queer covy, a flash customer, or a rum fellow, asked him his reason for suspecting the prisoner at the bar of stealing a watch, (which among the lads is scientifically termed nimming a toiler, or ~207~~nabbing a clicker,) replied as follows:--'Why, your honour, only because you see as how I was up to him.'--'How do you mean, what is being up to him? '--' Why, bless your heart, I was down upon him, and had him bang.' But still perceiving the learned Gentleman's want of nous, he endeavoured to explain by saying, That he was _up to his gossip_,--that he stagged him, for he was not to be done--that he knew the trick, and was up the moment the chap came into the c.o.c.k and Hen Club, where he was tucking in his grub and bub.--Had the learned Judge been up himself, much time and trouble might have been saved; and indeed the importance of being down as a nail, to a man of fas.h.i.+on, is almost incalculable; for this reason it is, that men of high spirit think it no derogation from their dignity or rank, to be well acquainted with all the slang of the coachman and stable-boy, all the glossary of the Fancy, and all the mysterious language of the scamps, the pads, the divers, and all upon the lay, which, by an attentive and apt scholar, may easily be procured at a Gaming-house.

"Of h.e.l.ls in general, it may fairly be a.s.serted, that they are infernally productive; no other line of business can be compared to these money mills, since they are all thriving concerns, the proprietors of which keep their country houses, extensive establishments, das.h.i.+ng equipages; and

"While they have money they ride it in chaises.

And look very big upon those that have none."

"It certainly is a pity that men do not keep constantly in their recollection, that no calculation of chances can avail them, and that between the apres, the limitation of stakes, and other manouvres, the table must eventually be an immense winner.

"For Greeks stick at nothing to gain their own ends, And they sacrifice all their acquaintance and friends;

And thus luckless P'----n, to gain what he'd lost,

Put his faith in a Greek, which he knows to his cost; Join'd a bank, as he thought, when the sly Greeking elf Of a friend soon contriv'd for to break it himself. You credulous pigeons! I would have you beware, Of falling yourselves in a similar snare."

"We ought to consider ourselves greatly obliged," said Merry well, "for the accurate description of characters ~208~~you have given. But have you heard the report that is now in circulation, that a certain Marquis of high military celebrity, and whose property is, or was, very considerable, has lost almost his last s.h.i.+lling?"

"I," said Sparkle, "am seldom surprised at such rumours, particularly of persons who are known to be players, for they are rich and poor in rapid succession; but if there be any truth in the report, there is a fine example of perseverance before him--for Lord ----, after a long run of ill-luck, being refused the loan of an additional rouleau,{1} on account of his score being rather long, left the company in dudgeon, and determining on revenge, actually opened another h.e.l.l in opposition to the one he had left, and by that means recovered all his money."

"That was well done," rejoined Tallyho.

"It was rather too much of a trading concern for a Lord," said Tom.

"Not for a gambling Lord," replied Merry well; "for there is in fact nothing beneath a Greek, in the way of play: besides, it was a trying situation, and required some desperate attempt--they care not who they a.s.sociate with, so they do but bring grist to the mill."

"The confusion of persons and characters at a Gaming-house," said Sparkle, "are almost incredible, all ranks and descriptions are mingled together.

"What confusion of t.i.tles and persons we see Amongst Gamesters, who spring out of every degree, From the prince to the pauper; all panting for play, Their fortune, their time, and their life pa.s.s away; Just as mingled are Pigeons, for 'tis no rebuke For a Greek to pluck all, from a Groom to a Duke."

"It is too true," said Dashall, "and equally as certain, that there are continually new comers ready and willing to be duped, or at least ready to risk their property, notwithstanding the warnings they have from their more experienced friends."

"And is there no possibility of obtaining fair play?" inquired Bob, "or redress for being pigeon'd, as you term it?"

1 A Rouleau--Is a packet containing one hundred guineas; but as guineas are not quite so fas.h.i.+onable in the present day as they formerly were, some of these Houses, for the accommodation of their customers, circulate guinea-notes upon their bankers.

~209~~"None," said Sparkle; "for if men will play at bowls, they must expect rubbers; and the system of confederacy is carried on every where, though perhaps with most success in those professed Gambling-houses, which young men of property ought carefully to avoid."

By this time they had reached the end of St. James's Street; it was therefore proposed by Sparkle that they should separate, particularly as it was growing late, or rather early in the morning; and, as they had been in some degree baffled in their attempt to take a minute survey of the proceedings in Pall Mall, they had no decided object in view. Accordingly they parted, Tom and Bob pursuing their way along Piccadilly, while Sparkle, Merrywell, and Mortimer, proceeded down Bond Street.

"I am by no means satisfied," said Tom, "with this evening's ramble, nor exactly pleased to find our friend Sparkle is getting so sentimental."

"He is, at least," said Tallyho, "very communicative and instructive--I should feel less embarra.s.sment at a future visit to one of those places, though, I can a.s.sure you, I should carefully avoid the chance of becoming a pigeon; but to know these things is certainly useful."

"We must lay our plans better for the future," said Tom--"example is better than precept; and, as for Sparkle, I strongly suspect he is studying a part in All for Love, or the World well lost. That kind of study is too laborious for me, I can't bear to be fettered; or if it be true that it is what we must all come to, my time is not yet arrived.

Though I confess Miss Mortimer has many attractions not to be overlooked by an attentive observer; at the same time I perceive this Mr. Merrywell is equally a.s.siduous to obtain the young lady's favours."

By this time they had arrived at home, where, after partaking of refreshment, they retired to rest.~210~~

CHAPTER XV

"Cataracts of declamation thunder here, There, forests of no meaning spread the page, In which all comprehension wanders, lost, While fields of pleasantry amuse us there With many descants on a nation's woes.

The rest appears a wilderness of strange, But gay confusion--roses for the cheeks, And lilies for the brows of faded age; Teeth for the toothless, ringlets for the bald, Heav'n, earth, and ocean, plunder'd of their sweets; Nectareous essences, Olympian dews, Sermons and City feasts, and fav'rite airs, Ethereal journeys, submarine exploits, And Katerfelto with his hair on end, At his own wonders wond'ring for his bread."

"WELL," said Tom, "it must be confessed that a Newspaper is a most convenient and agreeable companion to the breakfast-table," laying down the _Times_ as he spoke: "it is a sort of literary hotch-potch, calculated to afford amus.e.m.e.nt suited to all tastes, rank-, and degrees; it contains

"Tales of love and maids mistaken, Of battles fought, and captives taken."

"Then, I presume," said Bob, "you have been gratified and interested in the perusal?"

"It is impossible to look down the columns of a newspaper," replied Tom, "without finding subjects to impart light; and of all the journals of the present day, the _Times_ appears to me the best in point of information and conduct; but I spoke of newspapers generally, there is such a mixture of the _utile et dulce_, that the Merchant and the Mechanic, the Peer, the Poet, the Prelate, and the Peasant, are all deeply concerned in its contents. In truth, a newspaper is so true a mark of the caprice of Englishmen, that it may justly be styled their coat of ~211~~arms. The Turkish Koran is not near so sacred to a rigid Mahometan--a parish-dinner to an Overseer--a turtle-feast to an Alderman, or an election to a Freeholder, as a Gazette or Newspaper to an Englishman: by it the motions of the world are watched, and in some degree governed--the arts and sciences protected and promoted--the virtuous supported and stimulated--the vicious reproved and corrected--and all informed."

"Consequently," said Bob, "a good Newspaper is really a valuable article."

"Doubtless," continued Tom; "and John Bull--mistake me not, I don't mean the paper which bears that t.i.tle--I mean the population of England, enjoy a Newspaper, and there are some who could not relish their breakfasts without one; it is a sort of general sauce to every thing, and to the _quid nunc_ is indispensable--for if one informs him of a naval armament, he will not fail to toast the Admirals all round in pint b.u.mpers to each, wishes them success, gets drunk with excessive loyalty, and goes with his head full of seventy-fours, sixty-fours, frigates, transports, fire-s.h.i.+ps, &c. In its diversified pages, persons of every rank, denomination, and pursuit, may be informed--the Philosopher, the Politician, the Citizen, the Handicraftsman, and the Gossip, are regaled by the novelty of its contents, the minuteness of its details, and the refres.h.i.+ng arrivals of transactions which occupy the attention of human beings at the greatest or nearest distances from us--

"----a messenger of grief Perhaps to thousands, and of joy to some: What is it but a map of life, Its fluctuations and its vast concerns?"

It may with propriety be compared to the planetary system: the light which it diffuses round the mental hemisphere, operates according as it is seen, felt, understood, or enjoyed: for instance, the Miser is gladdened by an account of the rise of the stocks--the Mariner is rejoiced, at the safety of his vessel after a thunder-storm--the Manufacturer, to hear of the revival of foreign markets--the Merchant, that his cargo is safely arrived--the Member, that his election is secured--the Father, that his son is walling to return home--the Poet, that ~212~~his production has been favourably received by the public--the Physician, that a difficult cure is transmitting his fame to posterity--the Actor, that his talents are duly appreciated--the Agriculturist, that grain fetches a good price--the upright man, that his character is defended--the poor man, that beer, meat, bread, and vegetables, are so within his reach that he can a.s.sure himself of being able to obtain a good Sunday's dinner.

"Tho' they differ in narrie, all alike, just the same, Morning Chronicle, Times, Advertiser, British Press, Morning Post, of News--what a host We read every day, and grow wiser; The Examiner, Whig--all alive to the gig, While each one his favourite chooses; Star, Traveller, and Sun, to keep up the fun, And tell all the world what the news is."

"Well done," said Bob, "you seem to have them all at your tongue's end, and their general contents in your head; but, for my part, I am struck with surprise to know how it is they find interesting matter enough at all times to fill their columns."

"Nothing more easy," continued Dashall, "especially for a newspaper whose contents are not sanctioned by authority; in which case they are so much the more the receptacle of invention--thence--We hear--it is said--a correspondent remarks--whereas, &c--all which serve to please, surprise, and inform. We hear, can alter a man's face as the weather would a barometer--It is said, can distort another like a fit of the spasm--If, can make some cry--while Suppose, can make others laugh--but a Whereas operates like an electric shock; and though it often runs the extremity of the kingdom in unison with the rest, they altogether form a very agreeable mixture, occasionally interspersed, as opportunity offers, with long extracts from the last published novel, and an account of the prevailing fas.h.i.+ons. But domestic occurrences form a very essential part of this folio: thus, a marriage hurts an old maid and mortifies a young one, while it consoles many a poor dejected husband, who is secretly pleased to find another fallen into his case--a death, if of a wife, makes husbands envy the widower, while, perhaps, some one of the women who censure his alleged want of ~213~~decent sorrow, marry him within a month after--in fact, every person is put in motion by a Newspaper.