Darkness Before Dawn Part 15

"I don't know what to do. I was going to talk to him today and tell him everything, but I didn't even get a chance and then he left and now he's not answering and...oh my G.o.d. I think I lost him. I really lost him this time, Gregory. He's not coming back," I whimper before I start wailing and gasping for air again.

"No, Shorty, you haven't lost him. You'll never lose him. Never. You just need to talk to him. Imagine how he must feel, put yourself in his shoes. Yes, you f.u.c.ked up, but you're not going to lose him. Trust me on that. He's too whipped to see anybody but you, Baby Girl," he says softly.

"Thank you, G. I love you. Tell Becks I'll call her tomorrow."

"Love you too."

I turn into the garage of our apartment and park the car, sighing and leaning my head back on the headrest as I savor the quiet moment. I look at my rearview and see Bruce pull up behind me, and I take another minute, closing my eyes and breathing heavily. The best thing I did today was go to a Cubs game with Aubry. Not that I got my mind off any of this s.h.i.+t, but at least I had a couple of beers and chilled out for a while. I know Blake must've been beside herself because she called us a hundred times, and part of me did feel bad for not answering for her. It wasn't until Greg called to tell me that he spoke to her that I realized how worried she was, but by then the game was tied in the eighth inning, and I wasn't going to leave to console her. I did enough of that last night. h.e.l.l, I've done enough of that my entire life, and I'll do it for the rest of it, but sometimes it seems like nothing I do is enough.

To add fuel to the fire, I woke up and started making breakfast for her when her phone started chirping. I checked it, expecting it to be Aubry checking in, and was unpleasantly surprised to see Dean's name staring back at me. Not once, not twice, but ten f.u.c.king times. Text messages and calls back and forth between the two of them. I can take a lot from Blake, but that s.h.i.+t is too much. And then I try to get her to talk to me and she refuses? f.u.c.k that.

She didn't even reply when I told her how I felt. She just turned around and left me reeling. I thought we were done putting each other through h.e.l.l, but apparently Blake has other plans. I shake my head in disbelief before getting out of my car and heading to our place. She's probably asleep by now. After the game, Aubry and I went to a sports bar and had dinner and talked more s.h.i.+t, anything to keep me from coming home early. The more I think about it, the more disgusted I am with myself, because in hindsight, I did want her to worry.

I step in, quietly closing the door behind me. I see her standing in the doorway to our room. Her hair is wild, her face blotched red and her gray eyes have that dead look in them that makes my heart stop beating. She's just staring at me as she chews nervously down on her lip. This. This right here is the kind of s.h.i.+t that makes me hate myself. This right here is what makes me crumble and fall at her feet every single time.

"Hey," I say quietly.

"Hey," she barely whispers in return, casting her eyes down.

I take and let out a harsh breath. "I'm sorry."

She nods slowly and s.h.i.+fts on her feet, her hair curtaining over her face so that I can no longer see her expression.

"I had to get out. I needed a break from all this s.h.i.+t. I'm sorry I made you worry," I explain, even though I don't have to. But this is what she does to me, she makes me f.u.c.king crazy when she shuts me out and I desperately need her to let me in. Some of my friends that haven't been around us have given me s.h.i.+t over this because they don't understand our relations.h.i.+p. They say it's not normal, not healthy, and I get it, but we can't change our past. We're just two broken people in love trying to heal each other, and despite everything, we don't want to be with anybody else. We've tried countless times and it's never worked, so I don't care what I look like to anybody else. When it comes to Blake, n.o.body else matters.

Her eyes are sad when she lifts them to meet mine again, which is still better than emotionless. "It's okay. I pushed you away like I always do. I don't blame you for leaving, and I don't blame you if you don't want to stay with me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't just talk to you when you asked me to. I'm sorry that I've been so weak lately. I'm sorry that you're the one that has to deal with my paranoia and my att.i.tude and my tears and my secrets and...just everything. I'm sorry about everything. I don't want you to hurt with me, because of me, and I know that's impossible if you stay, so I get it," she says with a slight shrug.

My heart is stuck my throat, and I can't even form a coherent reply to that. Instead I walk up to her, watching her as she takes a shaky step back. When I reach her, I place a kiss on her forehead and run the back of my hand slowly down her face before tilting her chin up to look at me.

"I'm not going anywhere," I whisper. "Ever. But you need to stop pus.h.i.+ng me away. Your pain is mine, let me carry it with you, for you-I don't care as long as you're with me. I thought we covered this last night and a hundred times before? I want to be with you forever. Forever, Blake. You are everything to me. Now, can I give you that kiss I should've given you this morning?"

Her eyes twinkle as she blinks rapidly. "You're not leaving me?" she asks in a hoa.r.s.e whisper.

I duck my head and give her a quick kiss. "Never," I murmur before lightly sucking on her bottom lip.

She wraps her arms around my neck and clings on to me. "Please don't leave me like that again. I'm sorry I pushed you away, but please don't leave like that. I thought I lost you for good."

I squeeze her as I stand up straight and carry her to the couch, folding her in my lap as I take a seat.

She kisses me softly before pulling back and cupping my face in her small, cold hands. "I need to tell you something."

I nod and tighten my hold on her. "Tell me everything."

She takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry," she says regretfully and I instantly tense, expecting the worst. "Dean told me that your dad...your dad knew where we were all along," she continues in a shaky voice. "He said he heard Benny talking to someone about me." She shudders at the mention of Benny and I clench my fists.

"Dean says my dad knew where I was when I was kidnapped and he didn't say anything, didn't report it, didn't go get me? And you believe him?" I ask incredulously. She nods slowly with wide eyes. "When I met him, he was just as shocked as everybody else about the entire thing. He didn't even know you were alive."

She tilts her head and searches my eyes for a couple of seconds. "Who put the money into your bank account?"

I blink at her in surprise. "Mark."

"Did you ask Mark?" she asks with a raised eyebrow. "Did you ask him about the farm? Who gave you the farm?"

My heart constricts. "Blake, that's enough!" I say, placing her on the seat beside me so I can stand up. I pace around the room with my hands behind my head as if I've just run a marathon, which is exactly how I feel.

"It's not true. It just can't be true," I state quietly.

"I'm sorry," she says softly. "That's why I didn't wanna tell you."

I take a couple of deep breaths and think about the account I had set up when I was a teenager, the farm that was signed over to me. Now I wish I had paid more attention to details, but I thought hiring a private investigator meant I didn't have to do that s.h.i.+t. Blake comes up from behind me and wraps her arms around me as I stare into the beautiful Chicago skyline. I sigh and lean my body forward, placing my forehead against the cold gla.s.s door, and close my eyes. What am I supposed to do with this information? Is it true? Were my birth parents faking their shock to see me alive when I showed up at their house? Did Mark know that they were in on it? Did he know that my parents were going to charity events and climbing up the social ladder, while fake mourning the son they knew was alive and forced to live with a complete stranger at the age of four? Who does that to a four-year-old? What kind of parents do that? A shudder runs through me and Blake tightens her hold on me.

"I'm here, it's okay," Blake coos as she kisses my back. She lets go and steps in front of me, looking at me with pain and sadness in her eyes as she begins to wipe the tears I hadn't realized were falling from my eyes. Funny how the tables turn, and the thought that her pain is this deep, this bad, and most likely worse than I can ever imagine, makes my heart shatter for her. I stand upright and pull her body against mine, breathing her in as we cling to each other like we're the only thing that matters in this world...and to each other, we are.

"What else did Dean say?" I ask, his name losing some of its poisonous taste in my mouth.

She shakes her head under me. "That was all he told me. You got there before he was able to say anything else. He just...he said Benny's been pretty absent lately and he's worried about me."

My heart stops beating at the mention of that heartless b.a.s.t.a.r.d. "What about Alex?" I whisper.

"He's...I don't know. I don't know. Dean says I shouldn't worry about him. Something about him talking to Liam...my...uh...my dad."

I pull away from her and cup her face in my hands. "How was that? Seeing him?"

She takes a staggered breath before pursing her lips. "Weird. I recognized him, I guess from the pictures. I felt oddly...comfortable with him. His smell, his-" her voice breaks before she clears her throat, "his voice. I don't know, it was just too much for me, not expecting to see him and then he's there. I couldn't."

We move back to the couch and continue holding each other in silence, mulling over the million questions we have no answers to. Blake unfolds herself from my lap and gets up, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

"You know what? We're getting to the bottom of this. Tonight we're getting to the bottom of this!" she says, determined, looking at the kitchen before turning her gaze toward me. "Get up. We're going to see Mark."

I raise an eyebrow as I look at my watch. "Blake, maybe this time you should call him? You don't know if he's home, it's nine o'clock on a Sat.u.r.day night."

She narrows her eyes before walking away and picking up her phone on the way to our room. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take it out to see a text from Connor.

Connor: Dude, ur girl is f.u.c.king crazy. She wants 2 go 2 my grandfather's house. Just called me. WTF?

My eyes widen as I read his message. "BLAKE! YOU CALLED CONNOR TO TAKE YOU TO BRIAN'S HOUSE?"

"YES! I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE, COLE! I'M SICK OF SECRETS, I'M SICK OF QUESTIONS, I'M SICK OF NOT KNOWING WHAT THE h.e.l.l IS GOING ON!" she shouts from our bedroom.

I take a deep breath as I type my reply to Connor.

Me: Can you take us?

Connor: h.e.l.l yeah. B there in 20 I chuckle at that. Connor reminds me of Aubry sometimes, they're both nosey motherf.u.c.kers. s.h.i.+t. I have to call Aubry.

I fall into a reverie as Connor drives Cole and me toward Brian's house. I stare dumbly at the highway signs, which are my only indication as to where we're headed. I close my eyes to shut everything out and sag against the back seat of the four-door sedan, letting myself get lost in Common's lyrics coming through the speakers. A large hand stilling my bouncing leg snaps me out of my contemplation and I peel my eyes open to find Cole watching me intently.

"You okay?" he asks quietly.

Connor's eyes snap to mine in the rearview mirror and I nod at him before looking at Cole again, still nodding. He squeezes my knee before turning around again. I stare at the back of his head and idly fiddle with my necklace before clasping both hands together on my lap. I look at the clock in the middle of the car that reads 10:15 and just as I'm wondering how much longer we'll be on the road, Connor turns into a driveway. He lowers the window when we get to an iron gate and enters the code that opens it. As we drive up, my leg begins to bounce again on its own accord as I wring my hands together. Cole turns around and covers my hands with his, squeezing gently to affirm that I'm okay. I nod slowly in response.

I take a deep breath and gulp down my apprehension as Connor switches the engine off. Closing my eyes, I silently repeat I can do this before getting out of the car and taking Cole's hand as we follow Connor up the steps to the house. He knocks twice before an older lady in a French maid outfit opens it. I frown and tug Cole's arm, looking up at him in question as we walk past her. His replying smirk tells me he's seen her before and thought the same thing-odd. I've always loved that Cole and I can have a conversation with just our eyes. I'm not sure if that stems from knowing each other for so long or just the way we know each other.

Connor rubs his hands together and strides to the other side of the house as I look around at everything from the polished off-white marble floors that I can see practically see my reflection in, to the dual staircases on either side of the foyer. We trail behind him slowly, across a long corridor filled with family photos on either side of it. My eyes go from face to face in all of the photos until one catches my attention, making my heartbeat quicken. I let go of Cole's hand and walk toward the picture, willing my breathing to stabilize as I look at it in shock.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Cole whispers.

I look at him with my mouth hanging open before looking back at the photo of a woman that looks like she could be my twin. Standing beside her is an older lady with brown hair and sky blue eyes-Aunt Sh.e.l.ley. I clasp my hands over my face to contain any emotion from seeping through while taking a deep breath. Cole wraps his arms around me and pulls me toward him, and I let him hold me.

"That...that's Sh-Sh.e.l.ley," I whisper hoa.r.s.ely and watch his eyebrows raise in surprise.

"Your aunt?" he asks with wide eyes.

I nod slowly in response, my mind still reeling over seeing my mother and my aunt, the aunt who took care of me for nine years. The one whose intentions I never had a reason to question before now. She was as alone as I was, sad even, hurt. I shake my head, slowly refusing to believe this is real. I shake it harder for good measure in hopes to wake up, until Cole holds both sides of my face and angles my head to look at him.

"I'm getting you the f.u.c.k out of here. Now," he growls with narrowed eyes. "CONNOR!"

"No, Cole!" I say loudly. "NO! I NEED TO KNOW, DAMMIT!"

"Blake, listen to me. LISTEN TO ME!" he says, shaking me by the shoulders when I try to walk past him. My eyes snap to his cold glare and I run through things I can tell him so he'll back off. Before I can say anything, he presses his lips roughly against mine, making the air rush out of my body. My chest is heaving when he backs away and before I have a chance to react, he scoops me into his arms and begins to stalk toward the exit.

I cling to his shoulders and look at Connor, who is now jogging toward us with a confused look on his face. I demand Cole to put me down-still looking at Connor-when I see three men dressed nicely trailing behind him.

"COLE!" The one with salt and pepper hair yells before they break off into a sprint toward us.

Cole turns around, fully facing them as he holds me tighter to his chest. "f.u.c.k all of you!" He s.h.i.+fts so that he's holding my body with one hand. I contemplate getting on my feet but decide not to until he's done with his rant. When they reach us, Cole points at them with his other hand. First at the oldest man, Brian, my grandfather. Then at the man standing on one side of him that I don't know. "You lied to me! You f.u.c.king lied to me! You said you didn't know where she was all those years!"

I gasp, realizing that the other man is probably Cole's father, Camden. I squint my eyes and realize that it does look like him, although he looks different when he's on television. Still, he's definitely Cole and Aimee's father, and he does have a mixture of both of his kids in him.

"Brian, what the f.u.c.k is he talking about?" my father, Liam, shouts.

"Let the kid talk, Liam," Brian demands as he gestures for Cole to continue and raises an eyebrow. His gray eyes are thunderous as he looks at us impatiently.

Cole puts me down and rolls up the sleeves of his dress s.h.i.+rt before tucking me into his side and holding me there. I look at the three men, Brian, Liam, and the one I a.s.sume is Camden, Cole's father. The only one that doesn't look like he's visibly holding his breath is Brian.

"Blake saw a picture of her aunt inside! Her aunt and her mom posing together. What the f.u.c.k?" Cole exclaims loudly, throwing an arm up.

"Let's go inside and we can talk about it," Brian says, waving his right hand toward the house.

Connor looks at the three men and back at Cole and me before walking up to us and standing next to me. I feel his fingers brush my shaky hand before he places it in his, and I let him, thankful to have a cousin that takes my feelings into consideration.

"Explain it here. Explain it now, Grandpa. This f.u.c.king girl has been through enough! COLE has been through enough! They were kids! JUST KIDS! If somebody took Eli from me like that, I'd f.u.c.king kill them without thinking twice. I'd hunt them the f.u.c.k down. I wouldn't stop until I found my kid! EXPLAIN IT HERE BECAUSE I WANNA HEAR THIS s.h.i.+T TOO!" Connor yells loudly, his hand squeezing mine as he does.

Both Brian and Camden rub their foreheads as Liam stands with his arms crossed, waiting for the men to speak, I guess. I turn my head into Cole's body and breathe him in, reminding myself of what's important and who's important. Reminding myself that at the end of the day, these people are strangers to me and they don't matter. They never did. I sniffle back tears, making both Cole and Connor s.h.i.+ft their bodies toward me and look down to make sure I'm okay. I wipe my face on Cole's s.h.i.+rt and let go of Connor's hand as I wiggle myself out of Cole's hold.

"I'm fine," I whisper to them, looking them both in the eye for a.s.surance, before taking a step toward the men. Both Cole and Connor move with me, and it occurs to me that the two men standing behind me can take the men before me in a fight if it came to that. I close my eyes and pray it doesn't come to that, though. Liam's and Camden's eyes have been locked on me the entire time, both in amazement and apprehension, and I imagine it has to do with the fact that I look so much like my late mother.

"Speak," I say, crossing my arms in front of me and tilting my head at Brian in expectation. He chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief, looking from me to Liam and Camden. They all seem to agree on something as their mouths turn up for a second before they look back at me.

"I really didn't know where you were. I swear on that. I found out when Benny called trying to cut a deal with me," Brian says, shaking his head. "I would have looked for you."

"Why was I with Aunt Sh.e.l.ley and why is her picture in your house?" I demand.

Brian exhales before his mouth settles in a grim line. "She was my ex-wife, your grandmother. I had no idea she had you. I didn't know you were alive! She disappeared on me-I only knew she was alive because the kids would come over wearing things that I knew she had made for them; but she didn't want anything to do with me. I respected that and stayed away. I'd burned her enough times to make her suffer anymore," he responds quietly before taking out a pack of Benson & Hedges cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up.

"Did you know she was sick? For YEARS she was sick! For YEARS she cried every night! For YEARS she talked about love and how you don't give up on real love. For years..." My broken voice trails off when my throat begins to tighten.

Cole places his hand on my shoulder and kisses my head, pleading with me to calm down. And in that moment I am so disgusted to be a.s.sociated with these people, even if it's just by name, even if it's just by blood, that I'd do anything to erase the memories from that part of my life out of my head forever.

"Why are you two so f.u.c.king quiet?" Cole snaps.

I look up to see both Liam and Camden staring at us before ducking their heads. Brian steps forward, flicking his cigarette as he points an accusing finger at Liam.

"You f.u.c.king knew, you little b.a.s.t.a.r.d!" Brian says gruffly. "YOU MOTHERf.u.c.kER!" he screams at Liam. "YOU KNEW WHERE Sh.e.l.lEY WAS ALL ALONG!"

"Brian-" Liam starts before Brian's fist connects with his jaw, rendering him speechless.

I gasp just as Cole pushes me behind him, holding my arm with his left hand so I don't move. I sneak a look around him to watch Connor step forward and grab his grandfather. Brian looks at Connor in confusion.

"Grandpa, let me handle this," Connor says, pacifying his grandfather with a hand on his shoulder.

Brian shakes his head somberly and looks at Liam again. "You f.u.c.king knew where she was? YOU KNEW WHERE Sh.e.l.lEY WAS THE ENTIRE TIME? WHERE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER WAS?"

"SHE WAS SAFE THERE, BRIAN!" Liam shouts back.

"SAFE MY a.s.s! WHO ELSE KNEW?" Brian demands.

Liam closes his eyes and takes a breath before opening them again. "I only knew when Blake was at Sh.e.l.ley's. I lost track of her when she was taken away from there because Mark wouldn't give me any information. Cam knew where Cole was, but never touched base with Maggie, so we didn't find out when Blake got there."

"Maggie? Our friend Maggie?" Brian growls. "And how could Mark tell you and not me?"

Liam shrugs. "Marky got one of guys not to kill the kids somehow but knew they'd go back for them if they were somewhere obvious. I knew they hadn't gotten killed, so I started asking him, following him. But like I said, Marky's smart, wouldn't leave trails. Cam wanted to set up a bank account for Cole, and Marky drafted everything for it. Maggie's information was there."

"You knew where I was all those years and you didn't even think of getting me? Of visiting me?" Cole asks, his voice barely a whisper.

"They would've killed you!" Camden grits. "If I had gone there, they would've killed you! As it is, Benny trailed everything back there looking for Blake, and look at what happened to Maggie then!" he continues.

"DON'T BLAME THIS ON BLAKE!" Cole screams, his breathing becoming ragged.

"I'm not blaming it on anyone but ourselves, Cole! It's n.o.body's fault but ours! I'm just letting you know what would've happened if they would've tracked you down!" Camden shouts back.

"Your wife was shot dead. My f.u.c.king baby girl was shot dead. Oh my f.u.c.king...did you kill Cory?" Brian spits at Liam. He shouts the question again, leaving the name rattling in my head for a second too long. I bite down on Cole's forearm to keep from making a sound. He snaps his arm from me and turns around quickly, searching my face.

I shake my head slowly. "Cory is my mom," I explain, my voice barely a whisper.

His jaw works as he narrows his eyes at me in contemplation, a look I know too well. Before I can react, he steps away from me, shooting me a quick warning glare before stomping past Brian and Connor and grabbing Liam by the throat.

"COLE!" Camden screams beside him as he grabs him by the shoulders. "This doesn't concern you!"