Airhead: Being Nikki Part 20

And he started to close the door.

But Steven was too quick for him. He inserted his foot between the door and the jamb so it was impossible for Dr. Fong to close it.

Then he said, Weve come a long way. We just want to come inside for a little while and have a word with you.

No, Dr. Fong said again. He still looked terrified. I think you must have the wrong house. I dont know you"

Uh, Christopher said, moving to stand behind Steven. Actually, I think you know Nikki Howard"or should I say Em Watts"pretty well. Or arent you one of the surgeons who worked on her brain transplant at the Stark Inst.i.tute for Neurology and Neurosurgery a few months ago? See, I read her medical file, and I know all about it. So, unless you want me to release that file to the press, youd better let us in.

Dr. Fong, looking like someone was holding a knife to his throat"which, I guess in a way, we were"thought about it a minute, then finally took a step back and let us in. We filed into a foyer that was decorated in New England chic, dark polished wood and portraits of duck-hunting dogs. Cosabella sniffed around politely but curiously.

This isnt a game, you know, Dr. Fong said resentfully when we were all inside and hed shut the door behind us. Theyll kill you if they find out you know. Theyve killed before. How do you think I got into this mess?

Hearing those words coming from such a mild-looking doctor, standing in a red plaid bathrobe in the dark stillness of his old-fas.h.i.+oned hallway, chilled me in a way the cold outside never could have.

If it chilled me, it had an even more startling effect on Lulu, who really had no idea what shed been getting herself into, climbing into Brandon Starks limo back on Centre Street in Manhattan. She grew very still"and very somber. Hearing you might be killed definitely destroyed whatever kind of party mood you might have been in. I could attest to that.

Why dont we sit down so you can tell us about it? Steven suggested, in the same calm voice hed used before. Apparently, he was used to dealing with hysterical brain surgeons.

Dr. Fong did as he asked, but it was obvious it was only because he was cornered, not because he wanted to. He padded in his slippers into the living room, a square room decorated, again, with New England scarcity, where apparently a fire had been burning earlier in the evening. It had gone out, but the smell of burning wood lingered pleasantly in the air. He turned on a single lamp on a table by the window, but only after hed made sure to close every set of curtains in the room, glancing out each window in a paranoid manner to make sure there were no other cars on the road but ours.

Youre sure you werent followed? he demanded.

Christopher and I exchanged glances. I had actually been paying attention to this, psycho as this made me seem.

Yes, I said. And no, we werent.

You couldnt have picked a less obtrusive vehicle? Dr. Fong demanded. You think a stretch limo wont be noticed around here?

We didnt have a choice, I said, taken aback.

Dr. Fong looked around"at Lulu, still in her chauffeur cap and poofy-skirted party dress, perched on the edge of a Chippendale chair; Steven standing tense and at attention by the foyer door, as if expecting Stark to burst in at any moment; and Christopher and I standing by the dead hearth, Cosabella sitting at our feet, staring at Dr. Fong, who looked totally confused in his pajamas and robe, with his black hair sticking up a little in the middle. It was clear from his expression he wasnt very impressed by what he saw.

Is there, I asked, because the thought had just occurred to me, a Mrs. Fong?

Dr. Fong looked scornful. No, he said. No, my mother doesnt live with me.

Id meant did he have a wife, but I guess that answered my question, anyway.

Why, Christopher demanded, cutting straight to the chase, is an ex-boyfriend of Nikki Howards getting e-mails from someone using a computer in this house?

Dr. Fong suddenly buried his face in his hands. Then he turned and marched over to a small secretary, opened it, took out a cut crystal decanter of whisky, and, with shaking fingers, poured himself a gla.s.s.

Then he downed the entire contents of the gla.s.s in one go. And poured himself another.

This one he carried over to the couch, onto which he sank down next to Cosabella, whod helped herself to the comfiest seat in the house. When he turned to face us, I was shocked to see hed gone white as the sails on the picture of the s.h.i.+p hanging on the wall above his head.

Who else knows about this? he asked.

No one, I said, glancing over at Steven. I mean, except everyone in this room. And the person who traced the e-mail to here.

Will he tell anyone? Dr. Fong asked, raising the gla.s.s to his lips with trembling fingers.

No, I said. I crossed the room to sink into an armchair across from the couch where Dr. Fong was sitting. Dr. Fong. What is going on?

Dr. Fong didnt say anything for a moment. He just stared into the amber depths of his drink. When he finally did speak, it was to ask, Do you know what the Hippocratic oath is?

Lulu looked blank. Steven still looked like he wanted someone to come bursting in through the door so he could karate chop them or something.

Christopher said finally, Yeah. Its something all doctors have to swear before they can begin practicing medicine.

First, I said, do no harm.

Thats right, Dr. Fong said. At the Stark Inst.i.tute, thats what we tell ourselves were doing. No harm. Were transplanting brains from horribly deformed bodies that otherwise wouldnt survive into healthy bodies belonging to brain-dead donors so that our patients have another chance at life. Thats what happened to you. He looked up at me. Ive been working at the Stark Inst.i.tute for ten years, and Ive never for a moment questioned the morality of what we do there. Until the day of your accident.

His gaze flitted around the room, looking from Steven to Christopher to me.

What happened that day? I asked, my voice rough. I coughed to clear it.

I was only a.s.sisting, Dr. Fong said, his gaze looking far away. Dr. Holcombe was in charge of your case. Nikki Howard was far too important to be handled by anyone but him. Normally, I run the teaching wing of the inst.i.tute"

Teaching wing? I interrupted.

Yes, of course, Dr. Fong said. The demand for transplants is so high that theres a waiting list. But its several years long, and some patients cant"or dont want to"wait. So, for a fee, surgeons from around the world can come to the inst.i.tute and well train them to perform the surgery themselves. We allow them to practice on donor bodies"

Donor bodies? I was horrified. Christopher threw me an annoyed look for interrupting again, but I couldnt help it. Donor bodies?

Oh, we have quite a lot of them, Dr. Fong explained. All sorts of individuals whove been declared legally brain dead and whove donated their bodies to science. Sadly, theres no shortage of individuals in vegetative states thanks to accidents and, quite often, drug and alcohol overdoses. What we dont have, of course, are viable brains to put in them, and thats what patients like you provide"

I held up a hand, too sickened to hear more. Never mind, I said. Go on.

Well, Dr. Fong said. As I was saying, obviously Dr. Holcombe and Dr. Higgins were the main surgeons on your case. But there was somethinG.o.dd about your surgery. I was told by Dr. Holcombe that Nikki Howard had had a family history of genetic brain defects and that was what killed her.

I saw Lulu look more confused than ever. When no one else, however, reacted to Dr. Fongs reference to the fact that I was dead, when there I was, clearly alive, she didnt say anything.

After he was done st.i.tching you up, I did something Id never do, under ordinary circ.u.mstances, Dr. Fong went on. I went to examine the exhumed matter. Ive always been interested in brain anomalies, and I wanted to see what Nikki Howards was.

Somewhere upstairs, I heard a door open and close, and then some thumping sounds. Someone was walking around above our heads. Dr. Fong, however, didnt appear to notice.

But Nikki Howard hadnt any brain anomaly. Hers was perfect. There was no defect. The aneurysm Dr. Holcombe claimed she had suffered? The whole reason for her death and this emergency transplant in the first place? It hadnt happened. She was completely healthy.

I looked over at Christopher. He had said there were no accidents. Does anyone really know what happened to Nikki that day? hed asked. She went down and never got back up again. Stark says it was an aneurysmbut how do we know?

And now we had our answer. It hadnt been an accident. He looked back at me, smugly satisfied that hed been right.

Thenwhat did they do to her? I asked him. To make her pa.s.s out like that?

We may never know, Dr. Fong said. Once the surgery was over, I wasnt allowed near the body"Nikkis body"anymore. I was only supposed to handle the medical waste.

Lulu inhaled, looking horrified. Nikkisbrain?

He threw her an appraising look, as if shed suddenly struck him as a lot more intelligent than hed previously given her credit for.

Thats right, he said. I was the one charged with disposing of it.

But, Steven said, you took an oath.

Do no harm, I murmured.

Why? Steven asked. He looked as horrified as Lulu. Why would anyone remove a perfectly healthy brain from a girls body?

I think I can tell you why, Christopher said.

But at that moment, there was thumping from the staircase"a familiar skittering sound that caused Cosabella to perk up her ears alertly.

And the next thing I knew, shed begun barking, and those barks were met by answering yips as two miniature poodles exactly like her"except one was black, the other cocoa colored"came bursting into the room. They rushed toward Cosy, whod leapt down from the chair and torn over to them, her tail whipping back and forth excitedly as she greeted what appeared to be two long-lost friends.

Harry! Winston! An older woman in a terry cloth robe hurried into the room after the dogs, clapping her hands. Down! Down!

Even though her hair was plastered to her head from sleep, and she didnt have any makeup on, I recognized her. Before Steven broke his stance by the doorway and cried in astonishment, Mom? I knew who she was.

Dee Dee Howard. Nikki Howards mom was living in Dr. Fongs house.

The thing was, Id sort of known it. From the moment Id put two and two together and Id realized what those e-mail messages Veronica had told me about really meant. Why else would she have left behind her business and everything else she knew, if it hadnt been to be with something"or someone"she loved a billion times more?

Steven! she cried when she saw him. She reached out to him joyously. He was so much bigger than she was that he had to hunch down to let her take him into her arms. His expression was one of incredulity. I didnt know you were here!

He seemed dazed. Mom, he said as she hugged him, Ive been looking for you. Everyones been worried sick"Leanne. Mary Beth. Didnt you see the news reports on TV? We thought youd been killed.

Oh, Mrs. Howard said. Im so sorry, honey. Yes, we saw those. But we a.s.sumed it was Stark, trying to trick me. I never thought it was really you. She glanced over at me. Then froze. Oh. Oh, my, she said as her eyes filled with tears. Her gaze swept over me with what appeared to be a mix of horror and fascination. II dont know what to say. Youyou look just like She couldnt go on. She didnt have to. I knew who she thought I looked just like.

The thing was, I knew I didnt just look like that person. I was that person. I mean, in a way.

Christopher came over to me then, and laid a hand on my shoulder. It was a supportive gesture, and I couldnt have been more grateful for it.

This must be very hard for you, Christopher said gently to Mrs. Howard.

Its Stevens mother shook her head. Her Southern accent was much more p.r.o.nounced than her sons. But it was pleasant, like her slightly faded good looks. Im sorry. I dont mean to stare. You just look so much like her.

Because I am her, I wanted to say. Or at least, Im inhabiting her body.

Its all right, I said instead. At my feet, Cosabella was still having a joyous reunion with her cousins"or brothers, for all I knew"Harry and Winston, happily cavorting on Dr. Fongs rug. I decided to change the subject. So youve been here the whole time?

Oh, yes, Mrs. Howard said. She had slipped her hand into Stevens, and was happily holding his arm. Dr. Fong called me and explained the situation. He told me how important it was not to leave a trail that Stark could trace. I came right away. Im so sorry to have worried you, honey, she said to Steven. But I didnt dare check in with Leanne, you know how she gossips. And Mary Beths just hopeless. But youre here now, and thats all that matters. Oh, Ive got so many things to tell you! How are you? Oh, Im so glad youre home!

Steven looked torn between wanting to laugh and to cry. I knew the feeling. Home. He was as far from home as he could be.

And yet, he was in her arms. So wasnt he, in fact, home?

From the chair where Lulu had sunk down, I heard a sound. When I glanced over there, I saw her twirling a curl of her blond pageboy nervously. When she saw that most everyone in the room was looking at her, she jumped, and said, apologetically, Sorry! I just She looked wan and delicate in the dim light of Dr. Fongs living room. I dont get it. What are we doing here?

Were here to find her, I said, nodding toward Mrs. Howard. But the real story is why shes here. Right, Doctor?

Dr. Fong sighed. He didnt want to talk about this. He didnt want to talk about it at all.

I needed her help. I took an oath, he said wearily. They told me to throw Nikkis brain away. But to do that when there was nothing wrong with itthat would have been murder. I owe a lot to Stark Enterprises. But Ill not be party to killing an innocent woman.

So if you didnt dispose of Nikkis brain, Steven said, looking confused, what did you do with it?

As if on cue, a side door opened, and a young woman Id never seen before, of average height and average weight, with auburn hair that was neither curly nor straight, came into the room wincing as if shed just woken up, even though the lamplight wasnt particularly bright.

G.o.d, she was complaining. Could you guys make any more noise? Some people dont wake up at the crack of dawn and are still trying to sleep, you know.

Then she seemed to realize that there were more people in the room than just Dr. Fong and Mrs. Howard, and her eyes widened a bit.

It was only when her gaze fell upon me that she fully reacted, however. Color rushed into her full, slightly cherubic face, and her eyes, which were green, flashed.

In a second flat, shed lifted her hand and brought it full across my face with as much force as she could.

Thats right. Shed slapped me.

You b.i.t.c.h, Nikki Howard said.

TWENTY-TWO.

MRS. HOWARD AND STEVEN JUMPED IN to separate us before things got really bad. I mean, Nikki tried to go to town on me"or I guess I should say, on her old body, as she began hitting and pinching me, pulling at my hair. Dr. Fong shouted at me that I couldnt hit Nikki back"after I tried to do so, entirely in self-defense"because her recovery hadnt been as speedy as mine, and she hadnt bounced back as quickly from her surgery as I had from mine. Nikki hadnt had the incredible technology of the Stark Inst.i.tute for Neurology and Neurosurgery to help her with her rehabilitation the way I had"only her mothers tender care and whatever help Dr. Fong could give her when he got home from work. Apparently, Nikki wasnt a hundred percent yet.

But shes still well enough to be e-mailing her ex-boyfriends, I pointed out snarkily. Im sorry, but that slap had hurt. And the subsequent pinches hadnt felt too good, either.

Mrs. Howard threw Nikki an accusing look. Shed been pretty angry with her over the slap and subsequent attack on me, yelling, Nicolette Elizabeth Howard! You quit hitting that girl right now, you hear me! It was the first time anyone had ever called me by my new full name.

Only she hadnt been addressing me.

Look at her, Mom, Nikki had shouted in reply, as Mrs. Howard dragged her daughter from me. Just look at her! Thats my dress! And my new Marc Jacobs boots! And look how shes making up my eyes. They look awful!

Mrs. Howard hadnt been willing to put up with any c.r.a.p from her daughter, despite her delicate state of health. Nikki, you apologize, she said. You know thats no way to behave. Especially in someone elses home.

Nikki, looking truculent, jutted out her lower lip and sneered. Sorry.

That, apparently, was all the apology I was to get for my throbbing cheek.