The KISS Principle Part 10

Allie cleared her throat. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She popped up to her elbow and swept his hair from his forehead. "I wanted to be the first to say it. You're always beating me to it." An electric smile came across her face and she kissed him again. "I was going to throw in a load of laundry. Do you want me to wash your jeans from last night? That chocolate sauce you dribbled on them isn't going away on its own."

"I wouldn't say I dribbled, but yes, that would be great. I'll make coffee." He watched as she scooted to the end of the bed and plucked his pants from the floor. "Are we doing our normal Sat.u.r.day routine?"

"If you mean snuggling on the couch while I read and you watch sports, then yes."

Cooper took a pair of his pajama pants off a hook in Allie's closet. He'd started keeping clothes at her place a few weeks earlier. Running up and down the stairs had become a real pain.

In the kitchen, he put coffee on and drank a gla.s.s of water as rich aromas filled the room.

Allie walked with purpose into the kitchen. Her forehead was creased, her eyes pinched in confusion. She placed some change, a white plastic wrapper and a pale yellow crumpled receipt on the center island. His heart plummeted into his stomach.

"I pulled these out of your pocket. Did you go to Miller and Main recently?" She poked at the mint wrapper imprinted with the well-known restaurant logo. She'd left the receipt that would give away the exact date and time of his transgression.

I'm such an idiot. He swallowed. They were in such a good place right now. It felt as if his brain were the s.h.i.+ny silver ball in a pinball machine, rolling everywhere with a path impossible to truly control. What do I say?

Allie didn't blink. "It isn't a difficult question, Cooper. What's going on?"

He raked his hands through his hair. "I have to tell you something. I went to Miller and Main. Yesterday. With Brian." He couldn't believe the words as they came out of his mouth.

"At lunchtime?"

"Yes."

"When I was there? With Ian?" She spoke as if she were being choked.

He went to her and she crossed her arms, turning her shoulder, saying everything with body language. I have to explain myself. "Yes, at lunch. I was so worried about you and I hated the idea of you leaving yourself so exposed to Ian. I don't trust him at all."

Allie's heart hammered at the base of her throat. Trust? How can he talk about trust when he did this? "You don't trust Ian or you don't trust me?"

"I trust you. Of course I do. It's Ian. He's such a sleazebag."

"I don't understand. Where were you sitting? Were you actually hiding?"

He groaned and rubbed his forehead. "We were on the other side of the restaurant. Brian watched you guys and told me what was happening."

"And then what? You ordered lunch? You had beers? What?"

"Jesus, Allie. I'm sorry. It was really stupid. What do you want me to say?"

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, but it did as much good as shaking up a blizzard in a snow globe. "You spied on me." I can't believe he would do this.

Cooper groaned. "Don't say we spied on you. That makes it sounds worse than it really was. I would think part of you would want me to worry about you."

"What exactly did you think was going to happen?"

He buried his head in his hands. "I have absolutely no idea. It's just that I love you so much. All I want to do is protect you and keep you safe." His voice cracked as he searched her face, his own devoid of its usual warm color.

"I'm not a china doll to be kept in a cabinet. I'm not a possession. I'm a grown woman and totally capable of taking care of myself." Her blood slowed in her veins. Her limbs numbed. Her skin grew icy as the betrayal washed over her. "This is supposed to be a relations.h.i.+p. An adult, grown-up relations.h.i.+p that has no room for jealousy or distrust or, or..." She scoured his face, disbelieving he could do any of the things he'd said he had. "Spying," she said with a groan of disgust. "This is something high school boyfriends do. I can't believe you would do something so juvenile."

Cooper's mouth gaped, his eyes darting back and forth. "Juvenile? High school boyfriend? You just can't let go of the age thing, can you? It always comes back to that." He threw up his hands.

And there it was. She hadn't realized it when she'd said it, but she'd brought it up. The one thing she couldn't get past was permanent. There was no erasing it, no making it better. "Our age difference will always be there." Her voice buckled from the weight of her words. This is never going to go away.

"Precisely. We can't do anything about it. It is what it is. Why do you insist on making a big deal about this?"

"Twelve years, Cooper. Think about it. I'm making a big deal about it because it is a big deal."

"Not to me it isn't. I never think about it. I don't understand why you can't let it go."

As angry as she was, she looked at Cooper and saw the man she loved, smart and funny and handsome, with so much to share. "I don't think you realize that someday it might not be enough to be a bachelor. You're going to want to settle down. You might want kids. And you'll be stuck with someone who's probably beyond that point in their life." She felt as if a black cloud loomed overhead. "I think we need to realize that even though we love each other, this isn't going to work long term. Our age difference is just too great."

"What are you saying, Allie?"

Her heart felt as if it were an open sore. He can't see it. He can't imagine ever feeling differently, but it could happen and then what? "It's only going to be more painful if we wait to end it. We would just be prolonging the inevitable."

He shook his head, his eyes ringed in pink. "Don't do it. Don't say what I think you're going to say."

"We need to think about what we're doing."

"I already know what we're doing."

"I don't think you realize the ramifications. You need time to think about what you really want." She sucked in a breath, hoping to soften the words she didn't want to say. "I think we need to take a break."

Chapter Twelve.

Take a break. More like take a hike. Three days had pa.s.sed and Allie's words still echoed in Cooper's head. He'd pleaded with her, even argued after she suggested that they split up, but the discourse didn't last long. She was set on her decision and there wasn't much he could say about anything after she'd made up her mind. Part of him had to wonder if she'd been thinking all along their relations.h.i.+p was temporary, even after she'd said that she loved him.

To make matters worse, things at work were in complete disarray. The fixes to the upcoming software release came back from the second round of beta testing with new problems. So much for keeping it simple. Sitting for hours at his desk, staring at a computer screen until his eyes felt as if they might fall out of his head was no way to nurse a broken heart.

"How late are you staying tonight?" Brian asked. He lay sprawled out on the couch in Cooper's office with his laptop perched atop his belly.

"I don't know. One. Two maybe. You?"

Brian pushed back his s.h.i.+rtsleeve and squinted at his watch. "I should probably head home soon so I can help Laura with the kids at bedtime."

Hearing his brother talk about his wife and children only underscored how empty Cooper's life felt. "You should just go now. Have dinner with Laura. Spend some time with the kids."

"Are you sure? I don't want to leave you in the lurch."

"Don't worry about me." I don't have anybody to go home to anyway.

Before Allie, he'd been satisfied with his solitary existence, the one without obligations beyond those he created for himself. In fact, he'd been so content that he never really thought about it. It was normal. It was easy. He'd manage a few dates a month, enough to keep him from being hopelessly s.e.xually frustrated, and other than that, he didn't need much more than sleep, food and a good game of pickup basketball.

Brian stood and stretched before picking up his laptop and tucking it under his arm. "I'm worried about you, bro. You're a sorry excuse for a human right now."

Cooper sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Of course I am. This program is going to kill me. I just wish we could get it right so we can move on to something new. I'm over it."

Brian set his computer on Cooper's desk. "Not what I'm talking about. I mean Allie."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. Why won't you talk to me about it?"

"I told you what happened. I don't really see the point." He considered adding the part about being miserable and not wanting to do something truly pathetic like cry in front of his brother, but thought better of it.

"You told me she broke up with you and that was it. You can't try to hide what's going on. You're going to give yourself an ulcer." Brian pursed his lips, dimpling his chin. "I'm waiting."

"I don't know what you want me to say. She doesn't think it can work because of our age difference. She thinks I'll want to get married and have kids and that she isn't the right person for that."

"Tell me what you're thinking. Because it seems to me like you just took what Allie gave you, rather than fighting for what you really want."

"How am I supposed to fight for her when she doesn't want me?"

"Do you really believe that?"

"I don't know what I believe anymore." He turned back to his computer. "Don't you have somewhere you need to be? I'm sure Laura's waiting for you." Cooper felt his brother's hand on his shoulder.

"Hang in there, buddy. I bet she comes around at some point."

I hope you're right. "We'll see."

Cooper immersed himself in his work again, unable to focus on Allie too much without driving himself crazy. The ring of his cellphone a half hour later sailed his brain right back to her. It's her. He frantically sifted through the papers that littered his desk, all thumbs when he found his phone and squinted at the caller ID. c.r.a.p. "h.e.l.lo?" he answered.

"Mr. Hale? I mean, um, Cooper? This is Melanie. From Metro Style."

"Oh, right. Hey. Um, what's up?" Why is she calling me by my first name?

"Did I catch you at a bad time?"

Six days after the breakup, Allie was exhausted from trying to coordinate her schedule around the times she was least likely to run into Cooper in the hall. She'd been staying late at the office almost every night, but even that was a c.r.a.pshoot since he often worked until the wee hours himself.

Tired, cranky and in need of red wine, she packed up her bag and headed for home early on Friday. When she struggled to key into the building, she was reminded of the day Cooper helped her with the box of files. That was the beginning. Now that she was living in the aftermath of the end, it was hard to believe she'd ever been so happy.

Her mailbox was packed with catalogs and junk mail. She sifted through it as she headed up the stairs. The sound of footfalls caused her to halt at the first landing and listen. No, not him. Too quiet. She continued just as the salesgirl from the furniture store rounded the corner, her shoes making a delicate click-click. She wore a short black dress that showed off her enviable legs. Holy s.h.i.+t. Allie's pulse raced as Melanie stopped on the stairs.

"h.e.l.lo," Melanie said. "You're Cooper's neighbor."

Allie didn't even know what to say. Yes, of course, I'm his freaking neighbor. "Uh, yes. Melanie, right?"

"Yes. I, um, just saw him." She flipped her hair over her shoulder, which Allie worried might be a means of claiming victory. "Well, uh, nice to see you." With that, Melanie continued downstairs.

Allie felt sick to her stomach. He doesn't waste any time. The possibility that he wasn't suffering through their breakup the way she was came cras.h.i.+ng down on her. She unlocked the door to her apartment, unable to hear anything except her heartbeat as it slowed to almost nothing.

She had no idea what to do. Her hands felt like extraneous appendages, her skin crawled as if she were covered with ants, even her hair felt as though it was buzzing around her head like a swarm of pesky mosquitoes. Sounds came from Cooper's apartment, footsteps, then music or the television.

There had to be a way to m.u.f.fle the pain, disguise his presence right upstairs. She rushed to her stereo and turned on a CD to the point of drowning out the noise from his apartment. If he had s.e.x with Melanie, at least I wasn't home. That would have sent me over the edge. As she considered a trip through the yellow pages for soundproofing services, she opened a bottle of wine and made quick work of her first gla.s.s.

Now what? The thought of watching the BBC or playing Scrabble on the computer left her feeling like the ultimate loser. Work was not an option. Starting up her laptop and checking email was a rabbit hole she needed to avoid for her own sanity. She grabbed her cell and pressed the speed dial for her sister, retreating into her bedroom with her winegla.s.s.

"How's the patient?" Andrea asked.

Allie groaned. "Was I really that bad last night?"

"Yes, but I still love you. Seriously, how are you today? Any run-ins with Cooper?"

"Yes and no. I saw the saleswoman from the furniture store I took him to. She was in our building. She said she'd just been to see him." Allie made air quotes as she held her phone between her ear and shoulder.

"How does that equate a run-in?"

"I think she may have slept with him."

The other end of the line was silent.

"h.e.l.lo?" Allie asked.

"How in the h.e.l.l did you reach that conclusion?"

Allie shook her head. "What? It's a possibility. She's beautiful and young and he totally flirted with her in the store."

"So? Men are capable of being around beautiful women without boinking them. She sold the guy some furniture. Maybe she was helping him with s.p.a.ce planning or something."

s.p.a.ce planning. Yeah, right. Allie twisted her lips. "That seems unlikely."

"Okay, Al. I need you to listen to me. I've been the sweet, supportive sister up until now, but it's been almost a week and you need a reality check."

"I think I missed the sweet part." Allie took a swig of her wine and slumped down in her bed. She poked her finger into her other ear. It sounded as if Cooper had turned up his stereo. "Fine. Have at it."

"Did it occur to you that you think he slept with her because you're just waiting for that to happen? It sounds to me like you spent your entire relations.h.i.+p waiting for him to decide he wanted a younger woman."

"That's not true. I was like that at the beginning, but I think I got over it pretty well."

"You convinced yourself that you were over it, but that's the whole reason you broke up. So clearly, you didn't."

Allie crinkled her forehead. "That's not true either. You're trying to make this my fault. He's the one who spied on me in the restaurant."

"That was your excuse to get mad at him. You made a preemptive strike because you were sure he would eventually dump you."