The Half Life Of Stars Part 35

'Come on. This isn't fair. Really, it's not. We've had some great times together...I loved you. Don't you think that I loved you?'

'Michael. I don't think you know how.'

He turns. He walks away. He mutters something under his breath.

'What is it?'

'Nothing.'

'Come on, what did you say?'

He stops. He boils over.

'You like it like this this, Claire. This is what you like. It turns you on, doesn't it, the thrill? You like it that I'm open with you, you like that you can't own me. You like it that I don't hide this stuff from you. I never pretended to be something that I wasn't. You've always known exactly what I'm like. You expected this, right? If you're honest with yourself? You knew I'd have an angle. You knew knew.'

I pull on the case. Zip it shut.

'You can't blame me,' he says. 'You've always known where you stood. I never lied, I never made you any promises.'

I take a deep breath. I stare up at him.

'I want someone who'll make me promises. Promises are exactly what I want.'

Michael and I are sat alone on the bed; our legs are touching, and our arms. If I move I feel his skin rub against mine; if he breathes hard my body s.h.i.+fts with his.

'I'm sorry.'

'I know.'

'I'm...selfish.'

'I know.'

'I love you.'

'No, Michael. You don't.'

He looks like me now, like he's hurting. His face is sunken and tight.

'We could make another go of it,' he says, turning towards me. 'We'll rent somewhere, I'll try harder. If I do this recording...I'll have money.'

'Send me a cheque then. You still owe me the best part of seven grand.'

'Is that what this is all about...the money money?'

I don't bother to shake my head. I'm sorry that I said it; it wasn't what I wanted to say.

'I didn't mean it.'

'No,' he says. 'I know you didn't.'

We sit in the quiet, breathing together, trying not to touch each other's hands. I can smell him, his skin and his hair and his warmth. I can hear his mind ticking inside his skull. If he asks me to stay one more time, I'll say yes. But I know how he is, and he won't.

'That's it, then?'

'That's it.'

'You won't let me drive you to the Cape?'

'No...I don't think so. I'd rather not.'

I pick up the suitcase and start for the door. He waits. He chases after me. We stop.

'Shorty...Claire...good luck.'

'You too, Michael. You too.'

And I turn around slowly. And I kiss him.

If I hadn't halted at that moment: to look at him, to feel him, to be with him that last second, I would never have heard the phone. And it rang like an alarm. It rings rings like an alarm. I wonder if it'll ever stop. like an alarm. I wonder if it'll ever stop.

'I'll take it. Go, you'll be late.'

'It might be Kay.'

Michael picks up the phone. He ums and ahs and uh-huhs for what seems like minutes. s.h.i.+t, he says. That's not good, he says. Jesus Christ Christ.

'What is it?'

'It's for you.'

'Who is it?'

'It's Huey.'

'Is something wrong with Tess? Did something go wrong with the operation?'

'Yeah,' says, Michael strangely. 'You could say that.'

'Huey?'

'No...no, it's me,' says Tess.

'Are you OK?'

'No, sweetie, we're not. We're in seven heaps of s.h.i.+t, here. It's all gone...f.u.c.k, it's all gone wrong.'

A m.u.f.fled sound from behind her. Someone shouting. Someone trying to shout.

'Are you at the hospital? Where are you?'

'No. We're not at the hospital.'

More m.u.f.fled moans. I hear Huey talking in the background.

'OK,' he says. 'So, just calm down man. There's no need to be like that. We're not going to hurt you.'

'Grueghgh...grueghghgh!'

'I just told you didn't I? I'm not going to take the tape off your mouth until you calm down. You want me to take the tape off your mouth?'

'Gruegh.'

'OK. But you better keep quiet.'

'Tess...what is is it...what the it...what the h.e.l.l h.e.l.l is going on there?' is going on there?'

'Help...heeelp! Help me, Help me, help me. help me. He's a He's a maniac maniac.'

'No man. I'm not. I am not a maniac.'

'That's right, Huey. You tell tell him.' him.'

It seems like Tess has put down the phone. As loud as I shout, as long as I call her, I can't seem to get her to answer. All I can do is stay put and listen.

'If it wasn't for you...I would have been a success.'

'Maniac. Help me, maniac!'

'Huey, we're going to have to shut him up. Someone might hear him.'

'What'll we do? I didn't bring any more tape.'

'You used up all all that tape?' that tape?'

'Yeah. Wrapping him up to the chair. He's a strong guy, he needed a lot of wrapping.'

'Help meeee...please...somebody help!'

'Should we...should we hit him?'

'No. No way.'

'You touch me I'll kill kill you. I swear it. I'll have the two of you f.u.c.king you. I swear it. I'll have the two of you f.u.c.king killed killed.'

'Hey man, you know, you're not exactly in the position to be handing out the threats here.'

'Huey. What'll we do do?'

'Tess, quick, go fetch the bag.'

'What bag?'

'The bag that's full of the b.u.m's hair.'

'What'll we do with it?'

'Just fetch it, Tess, it's all we have.'

'Huey...I don't know.'

'Tess, we don't have time, just go get it.'

A struggle, a ruffle of paper bag.

'Oh...no. Jesus, what is is this...aghgh...aghghghgh...you're choking me... this...aghgh...aghghghgh...you're choking me...you're choking me. This stuff...what is it...it stinks stinks...oh Christ it stinks of, it stinks of s.h.i.+t s.h.i.+t...stop...STOP...I'm going to throw up...what is is it...what is it...what is ghghghghghhg ghghghghghhg.'

'It's hair, man. It's hair hair. Pretty ironic, wouldn't you say so?

'Nghgh. Nghgh.'

'Keep still, man. I still got some left in the bag here. I want you to chew down on this whole bag. Stop heaving. You'll choke if you puke.'

'Agh...bleghghghbleugh.'

'One chance, that's all I wanted. Would it have killed you to have given me that one chance?'

'Bleugh.'

'You'd never even met me. You didn't even know how good I was. You can't do that, man, it's not right. You shouldn't go around stepping on people's lives like that. Actors are people too, man. You ought to know know that.' that.'

'Hey, Huey look look. He's gone quiet.'

'You think he can breathe OK?'

'Yeah. I think so. He's breathing.'

'Maybe he's thinking.'

'He's nodding. Huey, is he nodding?'

'He's looking at the kitchenette.'

'What part of it?'

'I don't know, follow his eyes.'