Heavy Issues Part 19

He was definitely sitting that one out.

He could tell them this was just decoy dates, just s.e.x, but he had the nagging feeling he'd be lying. He loved f.u.c.king her, true. Watching her come and knowing he was the one giving her all that pleasure gave him a rush like he'd never experienced before-ever, but that was not all. He felt very comfortable with Christy, so much so that most times he forgot they weren't in a real relations.h.i.+p. He liked spending time with her. Liked waking up with her. He tried to keep his distance, but every morning he woke up with her in his arms as if he'd reached for her in his sleep and refused to let go. f.u.c.king worrying. So much so he preferred not to think about it, let alone say it out loud.

Unfortunately his brothers didn't need his input to kick up a conversation about his relations.h.i.+p with Christy.

"She's sleeping at his place almost every night," James told Max.

A slack-jawed Max stared at him and then turned to James. "He's letting her stay at his place?" James nodded. "Wow. You're kidding, right?"

"Nope."

It looked like moving to live two houses from James's hadn't been his smartest move.

"Guys..."

Max ignored him. "Are we talking about the same a.s.shole that breaks into a sweat just thinking about doing anything domestic with a woman?"

"You bet, my man. He's worm meat. Totally whipped."

As Max was getting ready to start drilling him, Aunt Maggie came closer, a box in her hands.

Trivial Pursuit time.

"Let's play," she said, opening the box and setting the board on the table.

Max and James groaned in dismay.

"Do we have to?" Cole muttered. Why couldn't his aunt be a fan of sewing or knitting, something she could do by herself, instead of making the whole family suffer through this Trivial Pursuit thing every time they gathered?

"I'll go get some lemonade," Tate said. She was new to the family, and she was still quite enthusiastic about the game. "Let's put on some music," she added from the porch.

"Sure," Christy said, reaching for the radio.

Oh, no no. Cole grabbed her and brought her onto his lap. "I don't think so, babe." His brothers looked at him. "Unless you want to end up with a h.e.l.l of a headache, don't let her near the radio."

Christy laughed and squirmed on his lap. f.u.c.k, his c.o.c.k was getting hard.

He'd been a bit worried that having Christy there would feel somehow weird, but it hadn't. She fit in perfectly-effortlessly. For some reason she'd seemed reticent to come at first, blabbing something about this being a private thing. Muttering about aisles talking to her, whatever the h.e.l.l that meant. Instead of feeling relieved she was bailing on him, he'd refused to even hear about it and had all but dragged her with him.

As always the game led to staying for supper, and Cole took his aunt aside.

"Please don't push food on Christy. It makes her uncomfortable."

She c.o.c.ked her head. "You really like this girl, don't you?"

Yes, he did. Too much probably. G.o.d f.u.c.king only knew what his aunt must have seen in his face, because she threw herself at him, eyes s.h.i.+ny, hugging him and smooching him, which freaked the f.u.c.k out of him.

Supper went much smoother though.

After supper they decided to leave. As they were saying their good-byes, Cole thought he saw Aunt Maggie saying something in Christy's ear. She seemed a bit distant after that, withdrawn, and he didn't like it.

"I...hmm...have to go home tonight. I'm babysitting my neighbor's cat."

He waited for her to continue, but she didn't. "Am I invited over?"

She avoided looking up to him and took some time to answer. "Do you want to?"

f.u.c.k yes.

He'd spent the whole day with her, and the whole day before that, and he hadn't had enough. h.e.l.l, he wasn't sure he'd ever have enough of her.

Boy, he was in deep trouble.

He decided to lighten the mood. "It depends. Do you have food to feed me there?"

She looked shocked. "Good G.o.d, are you still hungry?"

"I will be in the morning. You can't expect me to perform at top level without fuel. And I don't mean sugarless yogurt and fruits. I mean eggs and meat. Coffee. Pancakes."

She choked out a snort. "You're pus.h.i.+ng it, buddy. You'll get eggs and meat. Coffee I think I may have. Pancakes, no way in h.e.l.l."

He kissed her, happy he'd gotten her out of her sudden funk. He didn't like her quiet and reserved with him. "Lead the way, love."

As he was pulling away, she brought his lips down to hers, sweetly kissing him.

"Thanks for running interference for me at the table."

d.a.m.n if her smile didn't make him feel ten feet tall. "I was good, wasn't I?"

"A total pro. Thanks for your patience. I know it might look picky the way I behave with food, but-"

"Shut up," he said, kissing her again. He didn't understand it, but if it was important to her, then it was important, period. All that ha.s.sle was well worth her relaxed smile.

"I don't care about the food restrictions." He did love to eat, but at the end of the day, food was just fuel for his body. Irrelevant in the big scheme of things. A nonissue. Christy's screwed body image, on the other hand, bothered him immensely. Not up to standards, she'd said. She truly believed there was something wrong with her. Crazy.

"The only regretful thing about this whole food situation," he continued, "is that I won't get you to suck chocolate syrup from my c.o.c.k. A loss, true, but not the end of the world. You can make it up to me by letting me lick whipped cream off your nipples."

Her eyes flashed, and she snorted in amus.e.m.e.nt. "Honey, you put whipped cream on my b.o.o.bs, and I'll be licking them."

Cole threw his head back and burst into laughter. G.o.d, she cracked him up.

Chapter Eleven.

Christy watched as Cole paid for their corn on the cob. She was trying very hard to ignore the way the female vendor swooned over him, but she was failing miserably. It was official: the fake dates had to go. Now. Before she killed somebody.

Her objectivity and detachment had gone to h.e.l.l in a handbasket in less than two weeks of pretending to date Cole. So freaking Stone Age of her.

In retrospect, going to the Bowens' barbecue had been a big mistake. Everything had gone downhill from there. It'd been a private event, and him acting proprietary in front of all his family had taken their relations.h.i.+p up another level-for her, that is. He'd joked with her, touched and kissed her, kept her on his lap while they played Trivial Pursuit, sometimes lightly kissing her, sometimes murmuring things to her.

He must not have brought too many dates, if any, to the family gatherings, because everyone had looked surprised-and curious. Aunt Maggie had grilled her all the time, but she'd left the kicker for the end. Just as Cole and Christy were leaving, she'd hugged her and whispered, "Please don't hurt him." Her heart had skipped a beat because Christy had honestly wanted to tell her that she wouldn't hurt him, that she'd take care of him. That he was safe with her.

Boy, was she delusional.

And instead of putting distance between them, what did she do? She'd let him stay the night at her place.

Obviously she couldn't manage this make-believe dating with any decent degree of perspective. It was seriously f.u.c.king with her head. And her heart.

Christy was getting attached to him. The lines were getting blurred, and it scared her. She could see herself depending on this man for her well-being and happiness. She could become her frigging mother for crying out loud, running after him, begging him to love her.

Cole had made it very clear at the beginning what he had to offer and what he didn't, but at some point she'd begun to wishfully project fantasies onto every one of his actions. As a result the fake dating didn't feel so fake to her anymore. Like the day before yesterday during the martial arts exhibition he'd partic.i.p.ated in, where at the end of it, he'd come to her and kissed her silly in front of G.o.d and everyone. If he hadn't been holding her by the waist, she would have melted at his feet. She knew all that was pretending, but still. There was a limit to how much hand-holding and acting possessively a girl could take without getting dangerously confused. And hopeful.

To make matters worse, her territorial feelings had blown all out of proportion. She didn't know when the s.h.i.+ft had occurred. At the beginning the attention he drew amused her, then, little by little, it had started p.i.s.sing her off. Now? Now it got her raving mad. She was jealous and afraid of losing him. Losing him, as if she could lose something she'd never had in the first place. Jeez.

They just spent too much time together. That was the core of the problem. Yesterday for example: In the morning they'd gone to see the play that the local amateur theater group had put on to celebrate the 200th birthday of Alden. Then there had been the potluck at the church. In the evening he'd brought food to her place and they spent a quiet night in discussing her plans for the library and watching old reruns on TV. Then he'd taken her to bed and f.u.c.ked her senseless, after which they'd fallen asleep together.

Now they were at the fairground, where they'd spent the whole afternoon going through the tents, checking out the crafts, and playing the games. He'd danced with her, ridden with her on the rides-although rather reluctantly-and even taught her how to shoot.

Faked dates? Yeah right. Tell that to her overly imaginative mind.

She'd known since that day in the supermarket what had to be done, but she hadn't wanted to do it. Now she'd run out of time.

"Something wrong, Christy?" he asked as they walked to the car on their way back home. "You've been quieter than normal."

Yes, something was wrong. She had feelings for him. Boy, was he going to freak when she told him.

"We need to stop seeing each other. No more fake dates."

"What? Why?"

She cleared her throat. Time to soldier on. "I can't keep up my part of the bargain, Cole. I'm starting to get attached to you."

Starting to? Try again, sister.

"I have feelings for you."

He froze. Before the blank mask slipped on, she could have sworn she saw a flash of panic in his eyes. "Christy, we agreed-"

She interrupted him, feeling bullied and foolish at the same time. "I know what we agreed. But I can't help the way I feel. Us pretending to be a couple is playing tricks on my mind. I want the real deal. The whole package. I guess I'm still searching for love after all."

At the word love, he blanched. "I...f.u.c.k, Christy."

Christy steadied herself, swallowing around the big lump in her throat. Man up. He hadn't promised to give any more than what he'd given.

"It's okay, Cole. I know the whole package is not what you want, or what you signed up for. We're cool, really. I'm a big girl. I can handle rejection. Besides, I haven't fallen head over heels in love with you. I'm just getting attached to having you in my life and thinking of you as more than a booty call. That's why we need to stop seeing each other."

Face tense, he ran his hand through his hair. "I like what we have going on. I don't want to change anything. Can't we just keep things the way they are now?"

It was so tempting to do as he said, but she shook her head. "No. Sooner or later, probably much sooner than later if we keep seeing each other every day, I'll want more. Commitment. A real relations.h.i.+p. Strings. Lots of them. Are you ready to give me those? Or to even consider giving them to me in the near future?"

He didn't say anything. The vein at his temple pulsed. His jaw bunched.

Yep, there was her answer. No biggie; she'd guessed that much. He didn't want a relations.h.i.+p, and she wasn't going to pressure or guilt-trip him into one.

"We can continue to have s.e.x if you want, but we won't be going out socially. No more social events or private ones. No more barbecues. No more going out to dinner or dancing. No more staying overnight either." That had to go too. Some self-preservation had to kick in or she was going down. More than she was already.

He stared into the void in front of him.

She cleared her throat. "Just s.e.x, those are the new terms," she stated, her voice thick with a security she didn't feel. "And we're going back to using condoms." Not that she wanted to have s.e.x with someone else, but having s.e.x bareback was a level of intimacy and commitment that wasn't in accordance with what they had.

His gaze drilled into her. "I'm not f.u.c.king anybody else."

"Glad to hear it, but still." That could change in the blink of an eye. They weren't a real couple, so she couldn't risk it. She didn't understand how she'd allowed it in the first place. "Who knows what you'll be doing tomorrow? Or who. You can date whoever you want. And I can too," she felt compelled to add just to spite him. As if getting one over on him would make her feel better.

His eyes flared bright with something akin to fury.

"You telling me you're going to be f.u.c.king other guys?"

No, she wasn't. Not that it was any of his business.

She shrugged. "You can't expect exclusivity when you don't want the whole package."

"The h.e.l.l I can't," he said, his voice dangerously low, his eyes ablaze. There was something unnerving about watching Cole lose his cool. And he was losing it.

"You can't. Or what, are you ready to offer me something more than hot s.e.x and fake dates?"

"You're saying it as if the hot s.e.x and the fake dates were such a bad thing," he replied. "f.u.c.k, Christy, we've been enjoying ourselves without the pressure. Without the bulls.h.i.+t. What's so wrong about leaving things as they stand now?"

She wasn't going to explain it to him again.

"Why do women have to go complicating everything? Changing the rules and asking for more? I like the way my life is, and I don't want anyone trying to change it."

Arrogant p.r.i.c.k.

"You're mistaken. I'm not trying to change your life, and I'm not asking for more, Cole. I'm actually asking for less. Just s.e.x. Take it or leave it."

The truck roared to life.

"Where are we g-"

"To f.u.c.k," he said in a dangerously low voice. "That's what you want, right?"