The Best Bride Part 20

"no. i played the game and i lost" he shrugged. "i gave her everything i had and it wasn't enough. let it go, honey. i'm going to try my d.a.m.nedest to do just that."

seven days later it didn't hurt any less and he still hadn't learned to forget. he'd given up the alcohol by sunday morning. mostly because he had a job to do and responsibilities he couldn't hide from. also, because he was a lousy drunk. even rebecca had told him that when he'd awakened with the mother of all hangovers. he knew he had to get on with his life. elizabeth had chosen not to be a part of that. fine. he didn't understand her reasoning, but he respected her right to make that choice. but there was still the matter of a six-year-old girl.

he stood in front of elizabeth's front door for several minutes before gathering the courage to knock. he heard voices from inside, then the sound of little footsteps hurrying down the hall.

"i want to get it," mandy said. she opened the door and stared at him. "" travis!"

she flung herself at him. he caught her in his arms and pulled her hard against his chest. her thin legs came up around his waist.

"hi, mandy," he said, and was surprised his voice sounded so gruff.

she buried her face in his neck and sniffed, then glared up at him. "you've been gone, travis. you said you'd come to my soccer game, but you didn't. mommy said you were working: her pale blond eyebrows drew together mutinously. " you promised me you'd come. why weren't you there?"

because i couldn't face seeing your mother, he thought, then kissed her forehead and set her on the ground. his relations.h.i.+p with mandy was important to both of them, regardless of what was going on between him and elizabeth. he squatted down beside the little girl. "i'm sorry," he said, holding her shoulders. "you're right. i did promise. i'll be there for the next one, and all the ones after that. i might have to leave early if i'm working, but nothing else will keep me away. okay?"

mandy thought for a moment, then grinned. "okay. i'm going to get a goal next time. you watch!"

something small and brown scurried out the front door. mandy shrieked. travis leaned down and grabbed the fur ball by the scruff of its neck and raised thq animal up to eye level. it was a small dog of undetermined breed. big brown eyes stared into his face; then the puppy barked excitedly and licked his nose.

mandy laughed. "that's buster. he's our new dog. we got him at the pound. he sleeps in my bed and everything"

travis smiled and handed her the puppy. mandy held him carefully. buster wiggled in her embrace, quivering with excitement. apparently the dog had already figured out where his loyalties lay.

travis heard a soft sound and looked up. elizabeth stood in the center of her small living room. the band around his chest tightened as he looked at her familiar heart-shaped face.

her mouth was pulled straight, as if she were in pain, and her eyes were dark with emotion. her pale color, the shadows and lines of exhaustion, told him that she'd been suffering as much as he. because he was a fool where she was concerned, he was pleased with the obvious signs of her distress. he had meant something to her.

his happiness faded as quickly as it had arrived. the operative word about her feelings was had. whatever affection she'd maintained for hiq hadn't been enough to keep her in his house or his bed. it hadn't been enough to allow her to believe in him.

"h.e.l.lo, travis," she said, her voice soft and husky.

he rose to his feet. G.o.d, he loved how she sounded. even now, just looking at her and hearing her, his whole body went on alert. from the ten or so feet that separated them, he could smell the scent of her perfume. she wore a cream sweater over jeans. her hair was pulled back in a braid. he supposed there were men who wouldn't think her beautiful, but to him she was perfection itself."

"elizabeth."

he was afraid she would see how she affected him so he stuck his hands into his leather jacket pockets. the business -size envelope there crackled as he touched it. his ace in the hole. later, he told himself. patience was the key.

elizabeth studied him, her gaze drifting over his face, to his chest and lower. he saw the slight blush that appeared on her cheeks. he got to her. good. please G.o.d, let it be enough.

"mandy, why don't you take buster into the backyard and play?"

mandy nuzzled her pet and giggled. "okay." she turned away, then spun back. "travis, there's a play at my school. i'm going to be broccoli and an indian. please come."

he tore his gaze away from her mother."

"i wouldn't miss it for anything. give me a kiss before you go"

she raised her face. her lips were pursed. he bent down and brushed them with his own. she gave him a sweet smile that warmed him to the bottom of his soul, then ran through the living room and into the hall. "" would you like to come in? " elizabeth asked, moving to the door and drawing it back.

"sure. for a minute. i still have some things to take care of today." he stepped inside and glanced around the small living room. she'd hung the miniblinds at the front windows a lace shawl was draped over one of the ugly gold couches. "this is nice."

she closed the door and wrinkled her nose. "no. it's still small and dark, but it's ours. we're making it a home." she cleared her throat. "how have you been?"

he could have made it easy for her, but he was hurting too much inside. she'd gone and left him, and then had made a home for herself and her daughter. he'd been abandoned, cast aside without a second thought. "how do you think?"

she folded her arms over her chest, then straightened them. "i'm sorry," she said.

his hands closed into fists, but his jacket hid his reaction from view. "are you? why don't i think so? if you were sorry, you wouldn't have walked out of my life."

"imeant to call: she stared at the carpet.

"so you're a liar as well as a coward."

her head shot up. anger burned in her eyes. "how dare you say that to me?"

"if the shoe fits, lady. you're the one who snuck out of my house like some d.a.m.n thief. you didn't even have the courage to say goodbye in person. i thought that we meant something to each other. i guess i was wrong: he stopped talking because it was starting to hurt too much. the act of breathing caused his chest to ache. deep inside, around his heart, the hole deepened as pieces of his soul slipped away.

"you have no right to judge me," she said, leaning forward toward him. "no right at all."

"the h.e.l.l i don't. what about all your concerns about mandy? i'm more than willing to have her in my life. you're the one keeping her away from me."

"i-" her anger fled as quickly as it had flared. her shoulders slumped. "you're right. about everything. i'm sorry, travis: ' he wanted to go to her and hold her tight. he wanted to fight her battles and conquer her demons. the only flaw with the plan was the fact that he was her biggest problem.

"i didn't want to make love to you that day, but i couldn't help myself. you make me feql.. " she shook her head sadly. "i can't explain it. you make me want things that i know i can't have. i can't do what you need me to do. i can't be that woman. i can't trust again: '

"you mean you won't."

their eyes met. her pure brown irises shone with tears."

"i won't, "she agreed."

"i wish i was stronger. you are a wonderful man. strong, sensitive, caring, funny. far too good-looking for your own good, or my peace of mind."

she was ripping him apart inside. he didn't know how much longer he could stand this."

"you forgot about being dynamite in bed," he said, hoping the joke would make them both feel better. it didn't help him, and judging by the tears on elizabeth's cheeks, she didn't find it all that funny.

"that, too," she whispered. she reached up and brushed away the tears. "" that's why i ran. because it was too wonderful i couldn't bear to believe and then have it turn out to be another mistake."

he'd expected to be sad, even disappointed. he hadn't thought he would feel the cold ice of rage. he pulled his hands out of his jacket pockets and clenched them into tight fists. he'd lost it all-they'd both lost everything-because she was afraid.

"i thought you were stronger," he said, fighting the urge to roar with anger. "my mistake."

she flinched as if he'd slapped her.

before she could say anything he spoke again. "i don't claim to understand what you're thinking. but there are more than two people involved here. i have a commitment to mandy, and i intend to honor it. are you going to give me trouble with that?"

she mutely shook her head.

"good. then i'll be at her school play and her soccer games and anything else she wants me at: '

"thank you: '

"don't thank me. i'm not doing it for you. i'm doing it for mandy and for myself."

there was a loose strand of hair floating around her face. he wanted to touch that strand, to brush it back and tuck it behind her ear. his rage disappeared as quickly as it had come. he wanted to stroke the smooth skin of her face and neck. his fingers ached to touch her. his body rebelled at being left unsatisfied. if it wasn't for mandy, he would gladly go the rest of his life and never see elizabeth abbott again. she was going to be the death of him.

he reached in his jacket pocket for his keys. his fingers touched the envelope again. he pulled it out and looked at it.

"i thought there might still be a chance," he said. "but i see rebecca was right."

"what did she say?"

"that this wasn't about me at all. this is your problem and there's nothing i can do to help you get over it" he looked at her then, studying the shape of her face, the smooth skin, the tears. he'd finally fallen in love. unfortunately it was with the one woman who would never trust him enough to love him back. a perfect ending to a haynes family story.

he handed her the envelope. "it's not worth the paper it's printed on, but what the h.e.l.l. it'll give you a laugh. years from now you can use it to remember me by. that crazy haynes brother who was stupid enough to fall in love."

"travis!"

she raised her hand toward him. he gave her the envelope, being careful not to touch her. it would be too easy to get lost in her for the night. just one last time. however he knew if he did it again, he would never find his way back. this time he would stay lost.

she opened the envelope. he told himself to leave, but he couldn't help standing there watching. just in case it got ugly, he reached back and gripped the door handle.

she pulled out the three sheets of paper and studied them. a slight frown drew her delicate eyebrows together. "i don't understand."

he opened the door and stepped onto the porch. "it's a report from a private investigator," he said and shrugged. "i paid to have myself investigated. just so you'd know i have nothing to hide. his number is in there, along with his license information. the guy's legitimate. check it out if you don't believe me."

"but why would you do this?"

"i wanted you to know i wasn't like sam. i didn't realize it was already too late to change your mind."

the harvest play was held in the school auditorium. the seats weren't all that comfortable, but elizabeth knew her restlessness was due to more than the hard wooden chair. travis had promised to come and see mandy in her acting debut. she, along with the other first-graders, had small parts in the school production.

elizabeth had draped a sweater over the seat next to her on the outside left aisle. her heart thundered in her chest. she prayed travis would show up and not disappoint her daughter. with equal fervency, she prayed he did forget the date, time or location of the play. she couldn't face him again. nothing made sense anymore, but she was getting used to living in a state of confusion.

leaving travis had felt horrible, but she'd known it was the right thing to do. what choice did she have? it was either leave with some small portion of her heart intact, or risk making the same mistake again. she'd judged so badly with sam, how could she risk doing it all over again? it wasn't just about her, either. what about mandy's feelings? she'd already lost one father. she would really be hurt to lose travis.

but he was still seeing her daughter, a little voice in her head whispered. she tried to ignore the sound, much as she ignored her sweating palms and trembling legs. good thing she was sitting down, she thought, trying to find the humor in the situation and failing badly.

she s.h.i.+fted on the hard seat, and smoothed her narrow wool skirt. the autumn weather had taken a cool turn. she'd bought several sweaters and a few skirts and trousers in a nearby town. rebecca had accompanied her on the shopping trip. try as she might, elizabeth hadn't been able to gather the courage to ask her friend about travis. she supposed her reticence was part embarra.s.sment, part shame. if rebecca had given travis advice, then she knew the entire story. elizabeth had wanted to say that it wasn't her fault, but she knew it was. she was the one who didn't have the courage to try. she sighed. no one understood what it was like to wake up one morning and find out her entire life was a lie. okay, she should get over it, but not just yet.

the crowd of excited parents continued to file into the rapidly filling auditorium. elizabeth looked over her shoulder, scanning for afamiliar face. she nibbled on her bottom lip. what if he showed up? what if he didn't?

at last she spotted travis threading his way through the other adults. she stood up so that he could see where she was sitting, then quickly sat back down. what if he didn't want to sit next to her?

she hunched down and stared. fixedly at the stage. he'd already told her it was a lost cause. she still remembered the words as clearly as if he'd just spoken them. he'dbeen standing in her living room, handing her the detective's report why had he done it? why had he paid to have himself investigated? she'd called the man, then the state licensing board. everything had checked out. travis had no secrets in his past. she appreciated the gesture, but it didn't change anything.

"are you saving that seat for someone?" a man asked.

she recognized the voice before she looked up and met his gaze. he wore his khaki uniform, with the stetson she loved so much. the brim hid his eyes from view, but she could see his trimmed mustache, and the straight line of his mouth. he wasn't smiling. why was she surprised?

"for you," she said, and moved the sweater.

he settled next to her. his arm brushed hers on the armrest she started to move, then left her arm in place. if he didn't like them touching then he could be the one to s.h.i.+ft in his seat.

brave words, she told herself. they were in the middle of a crowd. nothing was going to happen.

"you look very nice today," he said.

she glanced down at her new skirt and sweater, then smiled and looked at him. "thank you: ' her smile faded when he removed his hat and she saw his eyes. nothing flared to life in his brown irises. no emotion darkened the volatile color, no quick grin curved his lips. she was looking into the face of a stranger.

and then she knew the truth. he hadn't been lying when he'd said it was all a lost cause. whatever feelings he'd felt for her had been locked away in a place she could never reach.

the room darkened and the first students appeared on the stage. there was no time for conversation. elizabeth blinked several times and knew that it didn't matter. she'd turned her back on his offer of love, she'd taken the detective's report and had never called to discuss it with travis. he'd gotten her qmessage loud and clear. he knew she wasn't interested, so he was shutting her out. she'd gotten exactly what she'd asked for. everything was working out perfectly.

chapter sixteen.

cc what on earth did you expect? " rebecca asked that night after dinner at elizabeth's house.

elizabeth shrugged. she c.o.c.ked her head toward the living room. mandy was watching one of her favorite cartoon videos. "i didn't expect him to ignore me like that: '

"you tell the guy to take a flying leap, and now you're surprised that he's not all over you?"

elizabeth took the chair opposite her friend. she placed her coffee mug in front of her."

"no one ever mentioned the words flying leap."

rebecca sighed. "i saw him the next day, elizabeth. he was in bad shape. you walked out on him without a word. in my book, that qualified as pretty cruel behavior."

elizabeth stared at the table. she could feel the heated blush on her cheeks. "it was awful. i'm so soiry i did that. travis is a great guy and he deserves better."

"i'm not the one you should be telling this to."

"i know that, too." she risked glancing up. "what am i going to do?"

"what do you want from all this?"

that was easy. she wanted him to sweep her off her feet and make mad, pa.s.sionate love to her. she wanted to spend the night lost in his arms. she wanted him to promise to love her forever, then hold her tight and never let her go.

her eyes began to b.u.m. he'd already done that and more. she'd rewarded him by throwing it all in his face. but i she couldn't risk another mistake.

"i don't know: she saw rebecca's wide mouth twist with impatience. " go ahead and yell at me, but you don't know what it's like. you haven't made the same mistakes i have."